It costs more to die than to be born. You'd think it would be the other way around.

When they transplant a heart, they cut the nerves. The pains must have been caused by his heart hitting the chest wall.

[when told not to speak ill of the dead] 'Just because someone is dead does not mean they have changed!'

Good actors I've worked with all started out making faces in a mirror, and you keep making faces all your life.

I celebrate everyone's religious holidays. if it's good enough for the righteous, it's good enough for the self-righteous, I always say.

Old age is no place for sissies.