Is it my end-all and be-all to become a standup comic? No.


Jason Alexander

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Her hormones slipped into their sexy underwear with a grin.
JENNIFER SCHMIDT
All's well that carries on well
AMIT ABRAHAM
[Now Iacocca is teamed with Jason Alexander of] Seinfeld, ... If you can find a better car, buy it.
SNOOP DOGG
Louis C. K. is one of my all time favorite standup comedians.
AUBREY PLAZA
The way President Abraham Lincoln is said to have handled a person who had a know-it-all attitude. L...
JOHN C. MAXWELL
The man or woman that believes their success soley rests on their actions is sorely mistaken.
JOHN LEACH
Many of my poems try to use a comic element to reach a place that isn't comic at all. The comic ...
STEPHEN DOBYNS
37. It is better to be single and unhappy than unhappily married.
JAMES C. DOBSON
It is a lie.
ARTHUR MILLER
Why be greedy when you can have it all.
ANTHONY T. HINCKS
All I ever did to that apartment was hang fifty yards of yellow theatrical silk across the bedroom w...
JOAN DIDION
We can never make proper goodbyes. It was your last ride in a Checker cab and you had no warning. It...
COLSON WHITEHEAD
Give sometimes everything will be alright.
JENIL KANANI
Ah,” Sean said, smothering a laugh. “The brilliant plan falling apart? Wow. Wish I’d seen that...
MAUREEN CHILD
You look wonderful", Jason said.
"No compliments, Jason. I'm uncomfortable enough in the linger...
LAURELL K. HAMILTON
All power is within you; you can do anything and everything. Believe in that, do not believe that yo...
SWAMI VIVEKANANDA
I've skewered whites, blacks, Hispanics, Christians, Jews, Muslims, gays, straights, rednecks, a...
JEFF DUNHAM
Risks can lead to great victories or defeats. Even if you are defeated, the lesson will be valuable ...
LAILAH GIFTYAKITA
We're comic. We're all comics. We live in a comic time. And the worse it gets the more comic we are.
WILLIAM GADDIS
To stand on the
brink of what is coming, feeling eager, optimistic anticipation—with no feeli...
ASK AND IT IS GIVEN
I'm not really in touch with those 'Seinfeld' lads except Jason Alexander.
WAYNE KNIGHT
And I know things are...screwed up between us. I know that. Even if you tell me you'd rather hump a ...
JENNIFER L. ARMENTROUT
Don't ever reject a small
when you can't take it all.
TOBA BETA
In the end, the truth will prevail. Good and evil keep at war.
Whichever wins, future will beli...
TOBA BETA
There is no thing known as bad luck. There is luck, or no luck at all.
JEFFREY FRY
It is ok to standup for yourself, that is not ego it is Loving Yourself and that is where it all beg...
DR.'S RICK AND SUSANN CRAWFORD
All gardening is landscape painting,' said Alexander Pope.
REBECCA SOLNIT
Reach out and help others. If you have the power to make someone happy, do it. Be a vessel, be the c...
GERMANY KENT
That's nonsense, and it's not fair to Coach and not fair to Jason. Jason never complained about anyt...
AL HARRINGTON
Who you really are is Nonphysical Energy focused is a physical body, knowing full well that all is w...
ABRAHAM HICKS
Texas is still resistant to Howard Johnsons, interstate highways and some forms of phoniness. It is ...
MOLLY IVINS
Sun shines on my back as I walk away
Sun shines on my chest and I return
The fall air is c...
BRENT M. JONES
If you laid all our laws end to end, there would be no end
ARTHUR BAER
If you laid all our laws end to end, there would be no end.
ARTHUR 'BUGS' BAER
If you laid all our laws end to end, there would be no end.
BUGS BAER
I consider acting a day job - it's not my dream; it's not my be-all, end-all.
EVANGELINE LILLY
I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thou...
DANE COOK
Today, I am a touring standup comic who cannot stand up. Within three minutes, I begin to wilt, lose...
MAYSOON ZAYID
When you're a standup comic, you get up and you try stuff, and you're always kind of seeing ...
AASIF MANDVI
It is better to be a pragmatist than a lunatic.
DEBASISH MRIDHA
We have the capacity to become a unique and special person unlike any other. Draw on your inner reso...
ANGIE KARAN
Do what feel is right, and back yourself up. Live the life you want to live,
JACK BARAKAT
Wherever you are, be all there.
CRAIG GROESCHEL
Seriously", Macey snapped. "go. Kiss. A baby"
"can you believe her?" Preston asked, coking his ...
ALLY CARTER
Never say no to sex
P.C. CAST
I think you have to make time for yourself so that work doesn't become the end-all be-all.
MEGHAN MARKLE
To Jason, life was a gift to experience and a joy. When I got the news [of his death], it was just s...
JEFF FADNESS
My standup is observational, but it's self-observational, and it's self-deprecating, definit...
CHELSEA HANDLER
There is small merit in mocking goodness, tweaking charity; it is much more comic to deprive people ...
JACQUES RIGAUT
I've keep every comic I've bought in my life. I used to be obsessive about boarding and bagg...
DAVID DASTMALCHIAN
My first wife tried to get back with me a year later, but there was no way. I used to think she was ...
PETER SCOLARI
The only presence I ever truly need is the presence of God!
DEDRICK D. L. PITTER
Thou shouldst not become presumptuous through much treasure and wealth; for in the end it is necessa...
ZSA ZSA GABOR
As a comedian, it really gelled when I started doing standup. Because standup is so much about brave...
AISHA TYLER
Procrastination can wait for Tomorrrow.
MICHELLE MARIE
All my work begins with drawings.
ELLSWORTH KELLY
I have loved you all my life, Mal," I whispered through my tears. "There is no end to our story.
LEIGH BARDUGO
Last night, I started with Jason. By the time I was all the way through, it was time for Jason again...
MALESSA WING
Love. Do you feel it? It encircles you in its embrace of simplicity. Moment by moment love is there ...
COLLEEN LAUKKA
I never actually chose to become a Recluse ....but in the end it all comes down to 2 things ; "TIME"...
JOHN DOE
It's not necessary, in order to be a complete person, that I have a man. It's not the end-al...
CHER
Peace is a question of will. All conflicts can be settled, and there are no excuses for allowing the...
MARTTI AHTISAARI
I don't want to be on the road all my life.
AARON NEVILLE
When I say standup, I meant to say your down. Get up man, stand up. Everyone has to be even we all h...
EPHDAN
Being present is being connected to All Things.
S. KELLEY HARRELL, M. DIV.
We want 'Doll & Em' to be something we're proud of. We'd love to do another seri...
DOLLY WELLS
I had more material on weather than anyone else, I guess, ... back when I was traveling a lot [on th...
LEWIS BLACK
The only reason I was allowed to have a career for a quarter century as an insult comic is because i...
LISA LAMPANELLI
One of us is going to win and one of us is going to lose but it won't be the be-all and end-all.
TIM HENMAN
I don't want to be a spokesman for family values, but that's the way my standup is perceived...
RAY ROMANO
I love all Helmut Lang. I love Alexander Wang and Alice+Olivia.
ADDISON TIMLIN
Money is all right but once you have it you learn it's not the be all and end all.
ALAN SUGAR
Life is a jest; and all things show it. I thought so once; but now I know it.
BETTE DAVIS
I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
RITA RUDNER
It is expression that leads to modification. It is keeping it all inside that leads to frustration. ...
KAYLA RAE
I was a Marvel kid, and I would have to say that Spiderman is my all-time favorite character. As I g...
COREY TAYLOR
I got all my politics and culture and my sense of the great wide world of adults from 'Mad Magaz...
RACHEL KUSHNER
If I was drowning you would part the sea
And risk your own life to rescue me . . .
JAMIE MCGUIRE
I’ve tried so hard to stay away from you,” he whispered one night, cuddling her while the moonli...
LISA KLEYPAS
Love has a timeframe all of its own and love never dies. It is eternal. There is no end. There is no...
KATE MCGAHAN
All empires come to an end, and the American one is no exception.
ROBERT KIYOSAKI
No one event will ever be the ‘be all or end all’. It’s never a big deal, so stop ever making ...
KEVIN ABDULRAHMAN
I know now: what is is all that matters. Not the thing you know is meant to be, not what could be, n...
AUGUSTEN BURROUGHS
I love you crookedly because my heart's been unhinged from birth. The doctors gave me strict instru...
MATHIAS MALZIEU
One globe seemed all too small for the youthful Alexander.
JUVENAL
It's a really skewed part of our culture that happiness is the end-all be-all. The people that f...
MARY LAMBERT
So here is another law, one of my favourite If I become famous the stupidy will end one for all. It'...
DEYTH BANGER
When we started, we literally rolled wheelchairs on the ice. We had no idea it would become what it ...
MIKE DOWLING
A coin is examined, and only after careful deliberation, given to a beggar, whereas a child is flung...
PETER WESSEL ZAPFFE
There's been nothing but discipline, discipline, discipline all my life.
CELINE DION
All my life, people have been underestimating me.
HUGH CAREY
When we have a true sense of what psychology is we can then see why it gives us an insight not only ...
GARY F EVANS...
turns me on so loud it's like no sound, everybody yelling at me hands over their ears from behind a ...
KEN KESEY
I take the good with the bad. I always wanted to be a comic, and part of that, for me, was that I wa...
ERIK GRIFFIN
I came to think that nobody from England could draw American comic books, because they were clearly ...
DAVE GIBBONS
It's not necessary, in order to be a complete person, that I have a man. It's not the end-all, be-al...
CHER
I used to be the best comic actor in my batch. Everyone knew that my comic timing was impeccable.
NAWAZUDDIN SIDDIQUI
Hiding in all the thorns, there is a yellow rose.
BEN OAK
I vividly remember my first 'Superman' comic, which my granddad bought me when I was about 7...
DAVE GIBBONS
A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter ho...
PHYLLIS DILLER

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Issues can be addressed without the interference of a third party.
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We made a deal that was acceptable to us. We got paid very handsomely for our final season.
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As more you're busy and overwhelmed as more free and leisure time you have.
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I want people to be afraid of the women I dress.
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When the sword is once drawn, the passions of men observe no bounds of moderation.
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A man doesn't plant a tree for himself. He plants it for posterity.
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All generalizations are false, including this one.
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I want to empower women.
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A promise must never be broken.
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The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity that would be clearly understood...
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Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed was the ninth beatitude.
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The ruling passion, be it what it will. The ruling passion conquers reason still.
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Hope springs eternal in the human breast: Man never is, but always to be blest.
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So vast is art, so narrow human wit.
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The most positive men are the most credulous.
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Know then thyself, presume not God to scan; The proper study of mankind is man.
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How happy is the blameless vestal's lot? The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
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And die of nothing but a rage to live.
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Act well your part, there all the honour lies.
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A little learning is a dangerous thing; Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring.
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Never find fault with the absent.
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A brain of feathers, and a heart of lead.
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Teach me to feel another's woe, to hide the fault I see, that mercy I to others show, that mercy...
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On life's vast ocean diversely we sail. Reasons the card, but passion the gale.
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We do not even see the sun for several months in the north of Sweden.
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Charms strike the sight, but merit wins the soul.
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Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
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To all general purposes we have uniformly been one people, each individual citizen everywhere enjoyi...
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I need to know the price of a gallon of milk and a dozen eggs. I need to know right now.
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Put too many one-size-fits-all jackets on Americans and the place explodes.
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Your death and my death are mainly of importance to ourselves. The black plumes will be stripped off...
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Scarce any Tale was sooner heard than told;And all who told it, added something new,And all who hear...
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See skulking Truth to her old cavern fled,
Mountains of Casuistry heap'd o'er her head!
Philos...
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Good God! how often are we to die before we go quite off this stage? In every friend we lose a part ...
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Death is but a passage. It is not a house, it is only a vestibule. The grave has a door on its inner...
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No doubt I shall go on writing, stumbling across tundras of unmeaning, planting words like bloody fl...
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When occasions present themselves, in which the interests of the people are at variance with their i...
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In the usual progress of things, the necessities of a nation in every stage of its existence will be...
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In the main it will be found that a power over a mans support salary is a power over his will.
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The fundamental source of all your errors, sophisms, and false reasonings, is a total ignorance of t...
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I understand what happens to the brain when people are near death, and I had always believed there w...
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Our spirit is not dependent on the brain or body. It is eternal, and no one has one sentence worth o...
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The honor of a nation is its life.
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In framing a government which is to be administered by men over men, the great difficulty lies in th...
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I never expect to see a perfect work from an imperfect man.
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Thee too, my Paridel! she mark'd thee there, Stretch'd on the rack of a too easy chair, And h...
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It is part of the cure to wish to be cured. [Lat., Pars sanitatis velle sanari fruit.]
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There are times when I think, if I were a bit more famous, life could be easier in terms of work bec...
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I am not aspiring to be a senior bureaucrat. It would limit my freedom.
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Joe E. Lewis said, 'Money doesn't buy happiness but it calms the nerves.' And that is ho...
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Be careful about Burma. Most people cannot remember whether it was Siam and has become Thailand, or ...
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That's not to say we won't hear an aircraft occasionally, but the national standard for noise compat...
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It's a very rugged country, and the weather can turn rapidly. Sometimes you can see the storms comin...
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Insurgents used to mortar the thing every day. Luckily, it was a very large base and they were very ...
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I had some personal reservations about, 'Can I do the job?' But I had no reservations about being mo...
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When my unit left, we felt good about what we had done.
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The bookful blockhead, ignorantly read, With loads of learned lumber in his head.
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War means blind obedience, unthinking stupidity, brutish callousness, wanton destruction, and irresp...
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Such a wife as I want... must be young, handsome I lay most stress upon a good shape, sensible a lit...
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More and more people care about religious tolerance as fewer and fewer care about religion
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A soft refusal is not always taken, but a rude one is immediately believed
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To understand is to forgive, even oneself.
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To attempt suicide is a criminal offense. Any man who, of his own will, tries to escape the treadmil...
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The most imaginative people are the most credulous, for them everything is possible
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Psychiatry's chief contribution to philosophy is the discovery that the toilet is the seat of the so...
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A man's home is his wife's castle
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Memory is the thing you forget with
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People, like sheep, tend to follow a leader - occasionally in the right direction.
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Without the spice of guilt, sin cannot be fully savored.
ALEXANDER CHASE
'Tis not enough your counsel still be true; Blunt truths more mischief than nice falsehoods do.
ALEXANDER POPE
How index-learning turns no student pale, Yet holds the eel of science by the tale.
ALEXANDER POPE
Reason, however able, cool at best, Cares not for service, or but serves when prest, Stays til...
ALEXANDER POPE
Say first, of God above or man below, What can we reason but from what we know?
ALEXANDER POPE
We may eventually come to realize that chastity is no more a virtue than malnutrition.
ALEXANDER COMFORT
My two favorite movies are 'Coming to America' and 'Boomerang'.
SHAUN ALEXANDER
A man should never be ashamed to own that he is wrong, which is but saying in other words that he is...
ALEXANDER POPE
Lely on animated canvas stole The sleepy eye, that spoke the melting soul.
ALEXANDER POPE
He best can paint them who shall feel them most.
ALEXANDER POPE
Wretches hang that jurymen may dine.
ALEXANDER POPE
If, presume not to God to scan; The proper study of Mankind is Man. Plac'd on this isthmus of a midd...
ALEXANDER POPE
But if We have such another victory, we are undone.
ALEXANDER POPE
The heart resolves this matter in a trice, "Men only feel the smart, but not the vice."
ALEXANDER POPE
Virtue, I grant you, is an empty boast; But shall the dignity of vice be lost?
ALEXANDER POPE
Wealth is the product of man's capacity to think.
ALEXANDER POPE
What riches give us let us then inquire: Meat, fire, and clothes. What more? Meat, clothes, and ...
ALEXANDER POPE
Get place and wealth, if possible, with grace; If not, by any means get wealth and place.
ALEXANDER POPE
One science only will one genius fit; so vast is art, so narrow human wit.
ALEXANDER POPE
When I was training, I trained with my younger brother Brady. I would wrestle some of my friends, wh...
JAIMIE ALEXANDER
Zeal is very blind, or badly regulated, when it encroaches upon the rights of others.
ALEXANDER POPE
Poets heap virtues, painters gems, at will, And show their zeal, and hide their want of skill.
ALEXANDER POPE
But Satan now is wiser than of yore, and tempts by making rich, not making poor.
ALEXANDER POPE
Know then this truth, enough for man to know virtue alone is happiness below.
ALEXANDER POPE
Life has taught me to think, but thinking has not taught me to live.
ALEXANDER HERZEN
Most women have no characters at all.
ALEXANDER POPE
Learn to live well, or fairly make your will;
you played, and loved, and ate, and drunk your fil...
ALEXANDER POPE
All great art, and today all great artlessness, must appear extreme to the mass of men, as we know t...
ALEXANDER TROCCHI
Most authors steal their works, or buy.
ALEXANDER POPE
Why did I write? What sin to me unknown dipped me in ink, my parents , or my own?
ALEXANDER POPE
True ease in writing comes from art, not chance, as those move easiest who have learned to dance. 'T...
ALEXANDER POPE
Fix'd like a plan on his peculiar spot, to draw nutrition, propagate, and rot.
ALEXANDER POPE
Here, sir, the people govern; here they act by their immediate representatives.
ALEXANDER HAMILTON
The system is the best that the present views and circumstances of the country will permit.
ALEXANDER HAMILTON
The bookful blockhead ignorantly read,
With loads of learned lumber in his head,
With his own ...
ALEXANDER POPE
I find myself... hoping a total end of all the unhappy divisions of mankind by party-spirit, which a...
ALEXANDER POPE
They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.
ALEXANDER POPE