Interviewer: Would you say you are independent? Me: *looks at mum*, *mum nods* Me: I'd say so, yes.

Interviewer: What do you make at your current job? Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.

I haven't even gone to bed yet and I already can't wait to get home from work tomorrow.

I always give 100% at work! 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday and 5% on Friday. Welcome back weekend.

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'