I'm an action transvestite really, so it's running, jumping, climbing trees... putting on make-up when you're up there!

I'm an Action Transvestite

I think on the seventh day, God was running around, going, “Oh, my God! What haven’t I…? Rwanda! I better create Rwanda! Sorry, haven’t quite done that… The Tower of Pisa! Oh, it’s leaning… Oh, shi… done! Toilets in French camping sites… there we go. English football hooligans… there we go, whatever that is… Mrs. Thatcher’s heart… there we go… oh, fuck that! I know, I’ll put a stone in, that’ll work! There we go…”The next week, I think, people are coming back, going, “Rwanda doesn’t work very well; infrastructure’s fucked.”

Eddie Izzard: Dress to Kill.

We have archeology on television, and I quite like it; it’s a sort of detective thing, but it’s really true, you know it’s there… But it’s kind of slow on telly, it has this problem of, “We’ve been here three weeks on live television, and we’ve taken off about a millimeter of top soil so far…” There’s men with brushes and beards… maybe they’ve just got beards, I’m not sure… “We found this and carbon-dated it to last Tuesday, so we’re very excited…”

'PiAno,piAno'It's not a bloody piano, its a clarenARt...you weird talking person.