If you have crazy friends you have everything you'll ever need.


Anonymous

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If you can read this, thank a teacher. -Anonymous teacher.
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If you ever need me, I'm available.
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If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance! -Anonymous.
ANONYMOUS
If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics.
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More Anonymous

Animals are human just like us in a different shape and form so do not abuse them.
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You don't have to touch someone to love them, It's not in the kiss, It's in the times you don't kiss...
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Glory be to Him who changes others and remains Himself unchanged!
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Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone one who loves is born of God an...
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May the God who gives endurance and encouragement
give you a spirit of unity among yourselves ...
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Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the strings.
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Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.
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He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job.
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All marriages are happy. It's living together afterwards that is difficult.
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Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances.
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Happiness is like jam. You can't spread even a little without getting some on yourself.
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Happiness is the overcoming of not unknown obstacles toward a known goal.
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Happiness seems to be the result of something happening — inactivity is not very exhilarating.
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Happiness is not pleasure, it's victory.
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Happiness is often the result of being too busy to be miserable.
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Happiness is the art of never holding in your mind the memory of any unpleasant thing that has passe...
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Happiness is not given but exchanged.
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Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or worldly possessions. It's a mental attitude. It comes f...
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If happiness could be brought, few of us could pay the price.
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Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you turn your a...
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So live that your memories will be part of your happiness.
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Happiness consists in activity; such as the constitution of our nature; it is a running stream, and ...
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Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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Happiness is not always measured in smiles.
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Happiness lies in our own backyard, but it's probably well hidden by crabgrass.
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Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
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Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle ...
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Faith is like electricity. You can't see it, but you can see the light.
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To reprove small faults within due vehemence, is as absurd as if a man should take a great hammer to...
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My friend, why have you drifted so far away? All motion is relative, maybe it is you who have moved ...
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The happiest business in all the world is that of making friends, And no investment on the street pa...
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Flattery looks like friendship, just like a wolf looks like a dog.
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Remember that the faith that moves mountains always carries a pick.
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When you laugh, be sure to laugh at what people do and not at what people are.
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The sound of a kiss is much softer than that of a cannon - but it's echo lasts a great deal longer.
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Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding i...
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A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
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When life throws a lemon at you, you throw it straight back at life and miss completely. That's my l...
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Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.
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Aging is a matter of mind. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
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I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, ...
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تبسمك في وجه أخيك صدقة، وأمرك بالمعروف صدقة ونهيك عن ال...
ANONYMOUS
The first men to be created and formed were called the Sorcerer of Fatal Laughter, the Sorcerer of N...
ANONYMOUS
Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you...
ANONYMOUS
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
ANONYMOUS
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for ...
ANONYMOUS
Anyone who is having troubles should pray. Anyone who is happy should sing praises. Anyone who is si...
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I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.
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Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won't be able to see us.
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Store front sign: Entire store on sale, everything $1 or more.
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If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
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Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone.
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I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out?
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My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!
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If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters.
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Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
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It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too,...
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One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less t...
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The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
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In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.
ANONYMOUS
How do you get a Kleenex to dance?
Put a little boogy in it!
ANONYMOUS
For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there.
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Why does Chuck Norris' calendar go directly from March 31 to April 2nd? Nobody fools Chuck Norris!
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I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.
ANONYMOUS
Stop the earth from spinning, I want to get off!
ANONYMOUS
If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.
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The last thing that blew my mind was the wind.
ANONYMOUS
Why do you always see lightning first and hear the thunder later? Because your eyes are in front of...
ANONYMOUS
Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I ...
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Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits.
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Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.
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My kitchen cleaner says "for a clean kitchen" so I can't use it, mine is dirty.
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Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
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Everything happening now happens because of everything that has happened before.
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When there's a will, I want to be in it.
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Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
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When is the longer way always better than the shorter one? When you're a taxi driver.
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As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible.
ANONYMOUS
When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my ...
ANONYMOUS
Always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn.
ANONYMOUS
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
ANONYMOUS
I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding.
ANONYMOUS
Oh I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
ANONYMOUS
I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.
ANONYMOUS
Think you're smart? Come over and help me with my homework.
ANONYMOUS
Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
ANONYMOUS
Newspaper Ad: Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!!
ANONYMOUS
I bet you anything that I can stop gambling right now.
ANONYMOUS
My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too ...
ANONYMOUS
Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X.
ANONYMOUS
I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think.
ANONYMOUS
People think.....
I'm skinny, but I'm really chunky.
I'm cheap, but I'm really thrifty. ANONYMOUS
I looked into my wallet and it was empty, I looked through all my pockets and they were all empty. T...
ANONYMOUS
I lost control. Offering reward to anyone who finds it.
ANONYMOUS
Chuck Norris is so amazing he can:

Light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.<...
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Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning, but the hamster fell off long time a...
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He grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and she thought, "he loves me!" And he thought, "wow this ...
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I'm not weird, I'm just limited edition.
ANONYMOUS
I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
ANONYMOUS
Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart.
ANONYMOUS
Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurrasic Park.
ANONYMOUS
It's 11PM, do you know where your pants are?
ANONYMOUS
Son, employees are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some yo...
ANONYMOUS
Don't believe everything fortune cookies tells you. Just because they're sweet doesn't mean they're...
ANONYMOUS
Pleasing everyone, that's impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!
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I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake.
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How do I like my eggs? In a cake.
ANONYMOUS
My grandpa's car is so old; when he parked in front of a museum, they towed his car inside the museu...
ANONYMOUS
Birthdays are nature's way of feeding us cake.
ANONYMOUS
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
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I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
ANONYMOUS
There was a robot invented in China that catches thieves. In Australia it caught 10 thieves, in Ame...
ANONYMOUS
I'm a Victoria's Secret model. It's such a secret, not even Victoria knows.
ANONYMOUS
How is a poor man a lot like a rich man? They both have an iPhone.
ANONYMOUS
Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.
ANONYMOUS
Smile while you still have teeth.
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Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible.
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After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.
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Funny sign at health spa: Fresh 10,000 year old mud for sale.
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I always mean what I say, I don't always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.
ANONYMOUS
I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.
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True love is truly amazing only when it's truly true.
ANONYMOUS
Being married means mostly shouting "What?" from other rooms.
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Is it good if a blow dryer blows?
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Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
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Never test how deep the water is with both feet.
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Never judge a book by it's movie
ANONYMOUS
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my ...
ANONYMOUS
When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.
ANONYMOUS
Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being myself.
ANONYMOUS
If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your sm...
ANONYMOUS
My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do.
ANONYMOUS
I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.
ANONYMOUS
Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast...
ANONYMOUS
I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close ...
ANONYMOUS
Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted ...
ANONYMOUS
Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon.
ANONYMOUS
Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.
ANONYMOUS
I'm not really a control freak, but... can I show the right way to do that?
ANONYMOUS
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
ANONYMOUS
I once finished first on my running team, then the coach asked me where everyone else is.
ANONYMOUS
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
ANONYMOUS
Why is the sky blue? Sure there is an explanation, but lets just be thankful it's not red!
ANONYMOUS
Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing.
ANONYMOUS
Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place... the fridge.
ANONYMOUS
I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.
ANONYMOUS
The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people al...
ANONYMOUS
I can make the doorbell ring any time I want, all I have to do is go to the bathroom.
ANONYMOUS
The amount of time it takes for a minute to go by is proportionally dependent with the distance to t...
ANONYMOUS
Bathroom sign above toilet: It's like basketball, the basket is bigger than the ball! Learn to sco...
ANONYMOUS
I can't wait for that to never happen.
ANONYMOUS
I liked the movie Titanic, my favorite character was the iceberg.
ANONYMOUS
Sports top moment: to score a goal but miss in the re-play.
ANONYMOUS
Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light.
ANONYMOUS
Rudeness top moment: to scare an ostrich on an asphalt street.
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I'm so sorry about what I said when I was hungry.
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Always be positive. *Trips down the stairs* Whew, I got down those stairs fast.
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Beauty is mysterious as well as terrible.
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An expert is a person who has made every possible mistake in a small field of study.
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My taste in music ranges from "You've gotta listen to this" to "I know, please don't judge me."
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Just because it's called makeup, it doesn't mean it should make up 100% of your face.
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You can't please everyone, you're not a Nutella jar.
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Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.
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It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase al...
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If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patte...
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Whenever you feel stupid, remember that there are people outside searching for Pokemon.
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