If you elect me the first Jewish justice of the peace, I'll reduce the speed limits to 54.95!

The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.

People are drooling for the truth. They want honesty from politicians, and they're not getting it.

I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder

It seems to me the governor has just discovered we have a border.