If Jesus was a bartender, He would still only be half as cool as Carlos.

The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid

Dignity is nice but it’s money makes the lights and shower work.

If his drunkenness had legs, it would be Alexander the Great and conquer the known world. Then it would puke for a week into a solid gold toilet it stole from Zeus's guest room.

Being able to embrace contradictions is a sign of intelligence.
Or insanity.

Memories are bullets. Some whiz by and only spook you. Others tear you open and leave you in pieces.