If I had slowed down, I would step aside gracefully and be OK with it,

I feel I should be there.

But as the (former) leader of my team, how would I even be able to deal with something like that? I haven't been able to go there.

Twenty people have mentioned that to me,

When I have given what I have given to the program, it is hard to just sit with this.

[I feel] an overwhelming sadness. I'm not an angry person. I have a big, loving family and a roster full of former teammates that I love and respect. But, I'm so heartbroken right now. I could never fathom this is how my hockey career would end.