If I can't get the girl, at least give me more money

I'm not going to make someone my priority, when I'm their option.

I love oatmeal. To me, it's not boring. I agree that ordinary oatmeal is very boring, but not the steel-cut Irish kind - the kind that pops in your mouth when you bite into it in little glorious bursts like a sort of gummy champagne.

I'm in the real world, some people try to steal from me, and I stop them, frequently, take them to court. I love a good lawsuit. It's fun.

How could I be sleeping with this particular man.... Surely only true love could justify my lack of taste.

I once loved a girl who almost loved me, but not as much as she loved John Cusack.