If all the economists in the world were laid end to end, they would still not reach a conclusion.

The world is populated in the main by people who should not exist

Money is the most important thing in the world. It represents health, strength, honor, generosity and beauty as conspicuously as the want of it represents illness, weakness, disgrace, meanness and ugliness.

Heaven, as conventionally conceived, is a place so inane, so dull, so useless, so miserable, that nobody has ever ventured to describe a whole day in heaven, though plenty of people have described a day at the seaside.

Golf is typical capitalist lunacy.

Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.