If a cow walked into this room, I'd probably walk out. I could milk it, but my dad never forced me to do a lot of chores like that, mostly because he loved doing it himself.

Milk the cow that standeth still

Keep a cow, and the milk won't have to be watered but once

Opie, you haven't finished your milk. We can't put it back in the cow, you know.

When I was a kid, I wanted to walk with my dad's limp - my dad was my hero - but that infuriated him, and he would make me walk back and forth in the living room until I walked without it.

My favorite way of getting out of doing chores is by acting like I'm asleep. But it never works.