FastSaying

I'd tried to straighten him out, but there's only so much you can do for a person who thinks Auschwitz is a brand of beer.


David Sedaris

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

He was down and out. I tried to help him, but there's only so much a coach can do.
BART SCHOUTEN You can straighten a worm, but the crook is in him and only waiting
MARK TWAIN I started out as a writer. Poetry and prose and also kind of satirical David Sedaris-esque stuff.
PAULEY PERRETTE You're the man now,' she said to me after my father died, 'you're the man.' Then she turned to Popey...
DAVID SEDARIS I would change policy, bring back natural grass and nickel beer. Baseball is the belly-button of our...
BILL LEE I feel like the only person in the world who sees David Beckham modelling his swimming pants on the ...
TONY PARSONS What do you do when the one person you want comfort from the most is the one who caused your pain? H...
AMANDA GRACE He has so much going for him. Not just on the mat. I've tried to tell him that athletics is somethin...
JEFF STOVER Auschwitz begins wherever someone looks at a slaughterhouse and thinks: they’re only animals.
THEODOR W. ADORNO Auschwitz begins wherever someone looks at a slaughterhouse and thinks: theyre only animals.
THEODOR ADORNO It's obviously a grave day for David. He spent over a decade in that building, where today he's goin...
HUGH KEEFE A skeptic is a person who would ask God for his ID card.
EDGAR A. SHOAFF Every man, at the bottom of his heart, wants to do right. But only he can do right who knows right; ...
TIORIO There's only so much you can do, but if somebody doesn't give you a chance there is nothing you can ...
CHARLIZE THERON We talk for people who won't come forward and complain about a situation. It's hard for one person t...
BARRY CORRADETTI A person of value have skill, a vision & a deep desire to achieve what they dream for. Happiness com...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Obedience indeed is only the pitiful and cowardly egotism of him who thinks that he can do something...
PERCY BYSSHE SHELLEY The best thing you can do for your kids is to show them God working in you on a daily basis.
CRAIG GROESCHEL He's a talented kid. You can only do so much. He shot the ball high and has a high release. You can ...
DAVE MISLAN if it doesn't come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don't do it.
unless it...
CHARLES BUKOWSKI Sometimes, there's only so much you can do. All we can do is hold out a hand and hope they grab hold...
WHITNEY MAYS Beer: All real men drink a specific brand of cheap beer. While I was growing up, my stepfather, who ...
FORREST GRIFFIN When we write about Auschwitz, we must know that Auschwitz, in a certain sense at least, suspended l...
IMRE KERTESZ At a small company, so much of the trick is focus. Not only can you only do a finite number of thing...
BEN SILBERMANN I am often asked how it is that I am able to value people to such a deep degree. Apparently, I exhib...
C. JOYBELL C. I don't take him for granted. When you have a special player, there's only so much you can teach him...
MIKE KRZYZEWSKI You are the only person who can sell you, so you do spend a lot of time in your job by yourself ever...
JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT It was not in the spirit of community. We'll be working with the Beer-Bike coordinators to straighte...
KRISTA COMER He's a special kid. David is someone you build around not only as a player but also as a person.
OMAR MINAYA When we are hypnotized by the very presence of beauty it will not only feel good within but to the p...
GARY F EVANS... Dia wrinkled her nose. “Gross. You need a decent girl, one that can straighten you out.”
�...
J.M. DARHOWER The players love him, ... He's young, energetic. He gets in your face. He's a guy who can challenge ...
WARRICK DUNN A brand for a company is like a reputation for a person. You earn reputation by trying to do hard th...
JEFF BEZOS In life, you shall meet a person who is so much like you. You will have so much love and respect tha...
SASHIL KUMAR Life is not a game. Still, in this life, we choose the games we live to play.
J.R. RIM You can do anything with beer that you can do with wine. Beer is great for basting or marinating mea...
GRANT WOOD You can do anything with beer that you can do with wine, ... Beer is great for basting or marinating...
GRANT WOOD A lot of senior citizens don't get out much. They have no idea who he is. If you come and listen to ...
DOLORAS CARTER The more accurate you are about how others perceive you, the better you fare socially. Think of a pe...
MARK LEARY When peoples care for you and cry for you, they can straighten out your soul.
LANGSTON HUGHES a man of peace who did so much in his life. We know him so well, miss him so much and can only share...
PATRICK MOYNIHAN I want a guy I can go hiking with, who wants to do outdoorsy stuff. It's so much fun to be out i...
ADRIANNE PALICKI You can only talk to him so much about socks.
EDWARD SKYLER How lucky I am to have known somebody and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful.
EVANS G. VALENS Do not believe that you alone can be right.
The man who thinks that,
The man who maintains...
SOPHOCLES I tried to hold myself apart, showing only what I wanted, doling out bits and pieces of who I was. B...
SARAH DESSEN She was a very young person who I believe really tried to take on too much for herself.
DAVID BLOCH I do hope I have a mentor, but you still have to go through many things by yourself. The only person...
FANN WONG Everyone who has tried it is enthusiastic. It tastes like a quirky mixture of beer and sherry.
HARALD SCHNEIDER I pinched and had my stick slashed away. I tried to pick it up but you can only go fishing for so lo...
KYLE MCLAREN Dr. Josef Mengele, who conducted experiments on Jews and Gypsies at Auschwitz (he had two doctorates...
CHARLES PATTERSON A man who thinks too much about his ancestors is like a potato-the best part of him is underground.
HENRY S. F. COOPER You can teach a person all you know, but only experience will convince him that what you say is true...
RICHELLE E. GOODRICH Experience has shown me that standing by oneself reading from one's book isn't especially co...
GAYLE FORMAN I was an infantry Marine, and there are only so many things you can do when you get out of the milit...
ADAM DRIVER You know that a spanking is not going to do damage. You may not agree with spanking, particularly in...
CAROL BENEVY Her heart--is given him, with all its love and truth. She would joyfully die with him, or better tha...
CHARLES DICKENS One cliché attached to bookish people is that they are lonely, but for me books were my way out of ...
MATT HAIG There is only one Mariano Rivera. There won't be another person who will come along and do what ...
JORGE POSADA Can I see some ID?"

"WE DON'T HAVE ID," said Jay, loudly. "'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN. WE DON...
ADAM REX (All the grief she had suffered over her lifetime had moulded her face into a mask of eternal sadnes...
JEAN SASSON Brian can cover so much of the field, ... He's very calm out there. He plays hard, but he doesn't ha...
NICK RIMANDO ...but doth not the person who expends vast sums in the furniture of his house or the ornaments of h...
HENRY FIELDING You might be tough, but you can only be so tough for so long, you know what I mean? The brain can on...
CONOR MCGREGOR I'm still a working-class guy who has to have a job. But we didn't do so bad for David going up agai...
LARRY RODRIGUEZ I forget, because it’s hard to realize that the same person who gives you so much love, and to who...
ESTHER EARL We tried to straighten it one time.
COURTNEY LEWIS I open my eyes to see who I can truly be! Now I needa do me! Yea definitely. Its hard to tell the re...
LILLIAN S. VILORIA You can only do so much theatre.
VICTOR GARBER Life is a difficult game. You can win it only by retaining your birthright to be a person.
A. P. J. ABDUL KALAM Theres still so much interest in the Beatles and John and still so much mythology,
BOB SPITZ It came to the point where you try to do too much out there. You give up a couple of runs and in the...
MARK REDMAN I love you," I say to him, but it only comes out, "Hey"

"So damn much," he says back, it ...
JANDY NELSON Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart ...
JOHN GREEN A person can always expect, sooner or later, the same unfair treatment as meted out by him to others...
ANUJ SOMANY You can't build a foundation of sin now for a life of purity later.
CRAIG GROESCHEL Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
STEVEN WRIGHT Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
STEPHEN WRIGHT But there's only so much we can do,
ERIC MCCORMACK We didn't think much in the air corps of a fellow who wangled a cushy job out of his C.O. by butteri...
W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM At the moment, it's simply a difference of opinon between the Doctor and you.. You both want the bes...
JAMES GOSS The person who can be only serious or only cheerful, is but half a man.
LEIGH HUNT Who do you run to, to stop the tears, when the only person who can, is the one who caused the hurt
CHAS YOUSEY 35. God is entitled to a portion of our income—not because He needs it but because we need to give...
JAMES C. DOBSON He is just the most awesome kid. I just love him so much. My heart goes out when I see him up there....
DEBORAH DAWSON He's not a selfish person. He tried to get everybody else the ball. But if there's times when we nee...
BILL DREIKOSEN David Bowie is such a big influence to me. Everything about him as a person is intriguing to me.
LEONA LEWIS A boy is a magical creature you can lock him out of your workshop, but you can't lock him out of you...
ALAN BECK If we were in a film, the villain would turn out to be the least-expected person. But as we aren’t...
KERSTIN GIER As you can not do what you wish, you should wish what you can do. [Lat., Quoniam id fieri quod vis...
TERENCE (PUBLIUS TERENTIUS AFER) A clear passion, a resolute determination, a can-do spirit; these are the rods for creating a great ...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR History is a wheel, for the nature of man is fundamentally unchanging. What has happened before will...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN He's really struggling. I don't know what's going on. We're trying to do everything we can to straig...
CORKY PALMER I'm the only person of distinction who has ever had a depression named for him.
HERBERT HOOVER Do you like him much?'
I told you I liked him a little. Where is the use of caring for him so v...
CHARLOTTE BRONTë You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich pe...
JEAN KERR You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich pers...
JEAN KERR People who pretend to be your friend lead you up a garden path by saying everything that you want to...
GARY F EVANS... Precisely because we do not communicate by singing, a song can be out of place but not out of charac...
W. H. AUDEN There’s only so many times you can fight before the only person you fight for is yourself.
S.R. CRAWFORD

More David Sedaris

If you read somebody's diary, you get what you deserve.
DAVID SEDARIS I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting.
DAVID SEDARIS I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people sa...
DAVID SEDARIS If you read someone else's diary, you get what you deserve.
DAVID SEDARIS Einstein wrote that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result....
DAVID SEDARIS Hugh consoled me, saying, "Don't let it get to you. There are plenty of things you're good at."
DAVID SEDARIS We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of phys...
DAVID SEDARIS Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.
DAVID SEDARIS Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.
DAVID SEDARIS Every gathering has its moment. As an adult, I distract myself by trying to identify it, dreading th...
DAVID SEDARIS Kools and Newports were for black people and lower-class whites. Camels were for procrastinators, th...
DAVID SEDARIS I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's...
DAVID SEDARIS The trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing ...
DAVID SEDARIS The word phobic has its place when properly used, but lately it's been declawed by the pompous insis...
DAVID SEDARIS In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New Yor...
DAVID SEDARIS People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than ...
DAVID SEDARIS Mr. Mancini had a singular talent for making me uncomfortable. He forced me to consider things I’d...
DAVID SEDARIS Say what you will about the south, but in North Carolina a hot dog is free to swing anyway it wishes...
DAVID SEDARIS For as long as I can remember, my father saved. He saves money, he saves disfigured sticks that rese...
DAVID SEDARIS I was just struggling with my inner vachette and pondering the depths of my own inhumanity.
DAVID SEDARIS but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.
DAVID SEDARIS Potential boyfriends could not smoke Merit cigarettes, own or wear a pair of cowboy boots, or eat an...
DAVID SEDARIS It's a common mistake for vacationing Americans to assume that everyone around them is French and th...
DAVID SEDARIS I find it ridiculous to assign a gender to an inanimate object incapable of disrobing and making an ...
DAVID SEDARIS If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt? I accepte...
DAVID SEDARIS What's the trick to remembering that a sandwich is masculine? What qualities does it share with anyo...
DAVID SEDARIS In order to get the things I want, it helps me to pretend I’m a figure in a daytime drama, a schem...
DAVID SEDARIS Amy adored both the new look and the new person it allowed her to be. Following the photo shoot, she...
DAVID SEDARIS The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.
DAVID SEDARIS The italian nanny was attempting to answer the teachers latest question when the moroccan student in...
DAVID SEDARIS I find it ridiculous to assign a gender to an inanimate object incapable of disrobing and making an ...
DAVID SEDARIS At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loade...
DAVID SEDARIS On my fifth trip to France I limited myself to the words and phrases that people actually use. From ...
DAVID SEDARIS When asked "What do we need to learn this for?" any high-school teacher can confidently answer that,...
DAVID SEDARIS I hate you' she said to me one afternoon. 'I really, really hate you.' Call me sensitive, but I coul...
DAVID SEDARIS Every day we're told that we live in the greatest country on earth. And it's always stated as an und...
DAVID SEDARIS Certain motherfuckers think they can fuck with my shit, but you can't kill the Rooster. You might ca...
DAVID SEDARIS When shit brings you down, just say 'fuck it', and eat yourself some motherfucking candy.
DAVID SEDARIS If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.
DAVID SEDARIS People in trailers were canned and labeled much like the apple juice down at the plant, stamped with...
DAVID SEDARIS There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows.
DAVID SEDARIS The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections o...
DAVID SEDARIS The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of Kevin "Tubby" Matchwell, the eleven-y...
DAVID SEDARIS My hands tend to be full enough dealing with people who hate me for who I am. Concentrate too hard o...
DAVID SEDARIS Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise.
DAVID SEDARIS I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter...
DAVID SEDARIS It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will...
DAVID SEDARIS After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where...
DAVID SEDARIS To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news.
DAVID SEDARIS Hugh and I have been together for so long that in order to arouse extraordinary passion, we need to ...
DAVID SEDARIS I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a ...
DAVID SEDARIS What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.
DAVID SEDARIS People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive i...
DAVID SEDARIS No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.
DAVID SEDARIS Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people a...
DAVID SEDARIS After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I d...
DAVID SEDARIS For the first twenty years of my life, I rocked myself to sleep. It was a harmless enough hobby, but...
DAVID SEDARIS At first, writing for The New Yorker was very scary to me. I couldn't imagine anything that I would ...
DAVID SEDARIS I haven't the slightest idea how to change people, but I still keep a long list of prospective candi...
DAVID SEDARIS As a foreigner in London, I like that there are so many other foreigners.
DAVID SEDARIS People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that t...
DAVID SEDARIS I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it...
DAVID SEDARIS But most good movies have a gun in them.
DAVID SEDARIS They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too genero...
DAVID SEDARIS I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorist...
DAVID SEDARIS But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.
DAVID SEDARIS Maybe I'll learn a trade. I've considered taxidermy. I always thought it was a shame you couldn't do...
DAVID SEDARIS I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospecti...
DAVID SEDARIS I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodr...
DAVID SEDARIS I've become like one of those people I hate, the sort who go to the museum and, instead of looking a...
DAVID SEDARIS If you stepped out of the shower and saw a leprechaun standing at the base of your toilet, would you...
DAVID SEDARIS There’s a short circuit between my brain and my tongue, thus “Leave me the fuck alone” comes o...
DAVID SEDARIS A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more ...
DAVID SEDARIS Oh, for Christ's sake,' I hear. 'Can we please just try to have a good time?' This is like ordering ...
DAVID SEDARIS You're the man now,' she said to me after my father died, 'you're the man.' Then she turned to Popey...
DAVID SEDARIS On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot...
DAVID SEDARIS It's just a penis, right? Probably no worse for you than smoking.
DAVID SEDARIS States vote to take away my marriage rights, and even though I don't want to get married, it tends t...
DAVID SEDARIS I just looked at the pattern of my life, decided I didn't like it, and changed.
DAVID SEDARIS When a hurricane damaged my father's house, my brother rushed over with a gas grill, three coolers o...
DAVID SEDARIS It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of...
DAVID SEDARIS Anyone who watches even the slightest amount of TV is familiar with the scene: An agent knocks on th...
DAVID SEDARIS Seven beers followed by two Scotches and a thimble of marijuana and it's funny how sleep comes all o...
DAVID SEDARIS I'm just a big liar.
DAVID SEDARIS On Undecided Voter​s: "To put them in perspective, I think​ of being​ on an airplane.​ The f...
DAVID SEDARIS It was my friend Frank, a writer in San Francisco, who finally set me straight. When asked about my ...
DAVID SEDARIS I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter o...
DAVID SEDARIS In Paris the cashiers sit rather than stand. They run your goods over a scanner, tally up the price,...
DAVID SEDARIS Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt...
DAVID SEDARIS I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people...
DAVID SEDARIS He took a sip of my father’s weak coffee and spit it back into the mug. "This shit’s like making...
DAVID SEDARIS Scream at the mangled leather carcass lying at the foot of the stairs, and my parents would roar wit...
DAVID SEDARIS Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in m...
DAVID SEDARIS Like any normal fifth grader, I preferred my villains to be evil and stay that way, to act like Drac...
DAVID SEDARIS Being locked up is one thing, but to have no concept of confinement, to be ignorant of its terms and...
DAVID SEDARIS Anyone who watches even the slightest amount of TV is familiar with the scene: An agent knocks on th...
DAVID SEDARIS Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—...
DAVID SEDARIS I asked her, dreamily, if we had met, and when she told me that we had not, I gave her a little fing...
DAVID SEDARIS Jeremy, Good luck on your first marriage.
DAVID SEDARIS I haven't the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candi...
DAVID SEDARIS If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.
DAVID SEDARIS … [I] recall thinking that the computer would never advance much further than this. Call me naïve...
DAVID SEDARIS One thing about English-language bookstores in the age of Amazon is that it assumes that everybody h...
DAVID SEDARIS When they're born outside, crows come and pluck their eyes out.
DAVID SEDARIS Shit is the tofu of cursing and can be molded to whichever condition the speaker desires. Hot as shi...
DAVID SEDARIS the lower bunks, both of us longing to be pinned. “You kids think you invented sex,” my mother w...
DAVID SEDARIS Someone in our family had taken to wiping his or her ass on the bath towels. What made this exceptio...
DAVID SEDARIS The whole notion of the nursing home was something dreamed up by people like my mother; American wom...
DAVID SEDARIS The thing to remeber is that more than anything in this world, these colored people wish they were w...
DAVID SEDARIS the beauty of an art school: as long as you can pay the tuition, they will never, even in the gentle...
DAVID SEDARIS The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing some...
DAVID SEDARIS You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholi...
DAVID SEDARIS What are you, tap dancing up there? You want a put on a show, do you? Well, the theater's closed for...
DAVID SEDARIS You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, j...
DAVID SEDARIS My hands tend to be full enough dealing with people who hate me for _who_ I am. Concentrate too hard...
DAVID SEDARIS They're hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of...
DAVID SEDARIS Motherfucker, you haven't got the fucking balls God gave a goddamned church mouse. You crawled out o...
DAVID SEDARIS Watching him was like opening the door to a siniging telegram; you know it's supposed to be entertai...
DAVID SEDARIS He has a passport," my classmates would whisper. "Quick, let's run before he judges us!
DAVID SEDARIS Right, I breast feed baby camels in my backyard just for the freaking fun of it. Just tell me where ...
DAVID SEDARIS We give anonymously because the sackfuls of thank-you letters break our hearts with their clumsy han...
DAVID SEDARIS If nothing else, life in the suburbs promised that you might go from day to day without finding shit...
DAVID SEDARIS Motherfucker, you try that again and I'll come in there with a fucking coat hanger and give you some...
DAVID SEDARIS I’d always been afraid of sick people, and so had my mother. It wasn’t that we feared catching t...
DAVID SEDARIS As bad a dresser as I am, anything beats being judged by my character.
DAVID SEDARIS The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.
DAVID SEDARIS I've always had a way with the little people, making it a point to humor them without looking down m...
DAVID SEDARIS I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot.
DAVID SEDARIS What I really hated, of course, was my mind. There must have been an off switch somewhere, but I was...
DAVID SEDARIS I was a smart-ass, born and raised. This had been my curse and would continue to be so.
DAVID SEDARIS College is the best thing that can ever happen to you," my father used to say, and he was right, for...
DAVID SEDARIS between the disfigurement and the muzzle, it's nearly impossible to catch what she's saying. Always,...
DAVID SEDARIS Shit is the tofu of cursing.
DAVID SEDARIS I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective c...
DAVID SEDARIS Why refer to Lady Crack Pipe or Good Sir Dishrag when these things could never live up to all that t...
DAVID SEDARIS When her muzzle grew more white than brown, the chipmunk forgot that she and the squirrel had had no...
DAVID SEDARIS If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven...
DAVID SEDARIS The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as lo...
DAVID SEDARIS Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto.
DAVID SEDARIS That man tried to picka my frienda’s pocketoni!
DAVID SEDARIS They were Jesuits," she told me. "That means they believe in God but not in terlet paper. You should...
DAVID SEDARIS All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I'm afraid that when all is sa...
DAVID SEDARIS He's as nutty as a vegan T-bone.
DAVID SEDARIS A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneas...
DAVID SEDARIS I hate computers. My hatred is entrenched, and I nourish it daily. I’m comfortable with it, and no...
DAVID SEDARIS As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.
DAVID SEDARIS Each one of us is left to choose our own quality of life and take pleasure where we find it with the...
DAVID SEDARIS Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in th...
DAVID SEDARIS whenever I read a passage that moves me, I transcribe it in my diary, hoping my fingers might learn ...
DAVID SEDARIS If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt?
DAVID SEDARIS I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, "I need a letter o...
DAVID SEDARIS I like the trail that the Internet created. For example, I was watching one of those Douglas Sirk mo...
DAVID SEDARIS I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me.
DAVID SEDARIS I just enjoy lying on the couch and reading a magazine.
DAVID SEDARIS My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six mon...
DAVID SEDARIS Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.
DAVID SEDARIS I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.
DAVID SEDARIS But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either.
DAVID SEDARIS The woman spoke with a heavy western North Carolina accent, which I used to discredit her authority....
DAVID SEDARIS The landscape is best described as 'pedestrian hostile.' It's pointless to try to take a walk, so I ...
DAVID SEDARIS Cover your glass in France or Germany --even worse, in England - and in the voice of someone who has...
DAVID SEDARIS Like anyone nostalgic for a time he didn't live through, I chose to weed out the little inconvenienc...
DAVID SEDARIS Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his ...
AMY SEDARIS Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were ...
AMY SEDARIS I always liked my teachers, and I was in a lot of after-school projects. I was a Girl Scout until my...
AMY SEDARIS My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.
AMY SEDARIS I never really take shortcuts. I was always one of those people who, instead of cutting across someo...
AMY SEDARIS You think in a different way when you don't have any money. The joy of poverty is that you use y...
AMY SEDARIS I'm very domestic; I love cleaning. I love cooking. I like waiting on people. I just like to mak...
AMY SEDARIS I'm not a good storyteller. I always think I'm going to get interrupted, or something's ...
AMY SEDARIS People who shop in health food stores never look healthy.
AMY SEDARIS I wouldn't call myself a shut-in. I have the ability to leave my home; I just choose not to. But...
AMY SEDARIS I think it's still kind of weird to memorize a line, because you're supposed to 'be'...
AMY SEDARIS More men than women like 'Strangers With Candy'. Pretty girls don't like the show. They ...
AMY SEDARIS I like crafts that are made out of necessity because they're a little naive - you made it becaus...
AMY SEDARIS I'm gonna do the whole bedroom in camel color - it's an old lady color.
AMY SEDARIS If I put my mind to something, it happens. I do know that's not necessarily psychic. But I alway...
AMY SEDARIS You know when you watch old movies, it's always the small parts you remember, the character acto...
AMY SEDARIS Sometimes, to keep things exciting, I decorate my house as if I owned a child. I'll toss a tiny ...
AMY SEDARIS But I always like to play ugly people who think they're pretty.
AMY SEDARIS My father and I have a very good relationship. We always got along. But I always scold him.
AMY SEDARIS When people tell me they are going to go scrapbooking, I say, 'Why don't you make it yoursel...
AMY SEDARIS Books are challenging and inspirational to me.
AMY SEDARIS I love costumes. My dream growing up was always to have my own costume and prop shop.
AMY SEDARIS I love theatrical props: a cup filled with solid fake tea, say, or a collection of fake food, includ...
AMY SEDARIS I like crafts that come out of poverty or necessity. There used to be hobby shops where you'd ge...
AMY SEDARIS I like to decide the night before Thanksgiving that I'm gonna do it, and I'll see what riff ...
AMY SEDARIS We're all used to seeing pretty people. I want to see real people.
AMY SEDARIS My favorite things often have a story behind them and are usually handmade or discovered at a flea m...
AMY SEDARIS I have always wanted a bunny and I'll always have a rabbit the rest of my life.
AMY SEDARIS My characters always like themselves.
AMY SEDARIS It's all about process to me - as long as it's fun to me, I don't care about the final product.
AMY SEDARIS It was more of their quirky show. It was more like a cult show. The ratings weren't really that high...
AMY SEDARIS I'm satisfied just thinking of the idea.
AMY SEDARIS I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive.
AMY SEDARIS I'm not a first-place person.
AMY SEDARIS You know when you watch old movies, it's always the small parts you remember, the character actors w...
AMY SEDARIS I always got along with all types of people - popular people as well as drug addicts.
AMY SEDARIS It's driving me crazy! It's awful. I saw four last night during the Academy Awards. Four little baby...
AMY SEDARIS I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive.
AMY SEDARIS