I'd like to somehow find the courage to be on the outside who I am on the inside.

I'm cold and clammy and hot at the same time, yet I'm free.
I lift my head and the autumn breeze feels good against my skin.
Free. I'm officially outside the box. I'm free.
Free is terrifying and open and it's similar to being a bit lost-but it still feels...free.

The most dangerous guy at my school-the lone person who makes me feel safe-is reveling in the way I am touching him.

But there is one person who expected the unexpected from me and the only time I noticed disappointment on his face was when I cowered like a sheep. And I had to take a moment to figure out I'm not ashamed of him. It's him who should be ashamed of me.
I've put Razor in an unfair position. He introduced me to his world. Welcomed me with open arms. Made me feel like I belonged and I've asked him to keep a secret when doing so is killing him. And I told him that we would be over...I did the exact thing to him that Clara did to me and that's not okay. No part of it is okay.

I kiss him. My mouth on his. Without fear. Without thought. All of my emotions, my love, my trust, wrapped up in this embrace.

I agree. I don't understand how a guy everyone is terrified of makes me feel safe. I don't understand how a guy who stayed behind to protect me when he didn't know me has been shot. I don't understand how a guy who carried me out of an alley full of shattered glass is the enemy everyone is warning me about.