Bill Cosby quote: "I'm not going out and hitting a 95-mph fastball where I can't see the stitches. I'm not on a professional football team looking to tackle a fullback who is built like solid wood. I'm a thinking person, and I've been blessed with the ability to see some things and talk about them in a way that registers in a humorous and funny way."

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.
BILL COSBY

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what&...
BILL COSBY

If you watch kids looking at something on television, even something that's produced for them an...
BILL COSBY

There are two sides to every story, and sometimes three, four, and five.
BILL COSBY

When I say, I don't care what white people think, I mean that.
BILL COSBY

If you speak your mind and if it is true what you're saying, then I think the integrity of what ...
BILL COSBY

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.
BILL COSBY

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituari...
BILL COSBY

Sometimes you try to help people, and it backfires on you, and then they try to take advantage of yo...
BILL COSBY

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.
BILL COSBY

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: e...
BILL COSBY

Gray hair is God's graffiti.
BILL COSBY

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
BILL COSBY

If you took your child to the dentist and check for cavities, the child likely won't get them. I...
BILL COSBY

By the 1960s, many of us believed that the Civil Rights Movement could eliminate racism in America d...
BILL COSBY

The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.
BILL COSBY

I can't negate the theory that the Huxtables on 'The Cosby Show' may have helped pave th...
BILL COSBY

Our children are angry. The profanity is out in the street. It's on the buses and in the subway....
BILL COSBY

A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.
BILL COSBY

The past is a ghost, the future a dream and all we ever have is now.
BILL COSBY

Men and women belong to different species, and communication between them is a science still in its ...
BILL COSBY

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has overlooked.
BILL COSBY

Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has deve...
BILL COSBY

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm...
BILL COSBY

Parents are not quite interested injustice, they are interested in quiet.
BILL COSBY

A word to the wise isn't necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice.
BILL COSBY

A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
BILL COSBY

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you...
BILL COSBY

I recently turned fifty, which is young for a tree, mid-life for an elephant, and ancient for a quar...
BILL COSBY

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
BILL COSBY

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
BILL COSBY

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything - even po...
BILL COSBY

I wasn't always black... There was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.
BILL COSBY

Father...knows exactly what those boys at the mall have in their depraved little minds because he on...
BILL COSBY

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact th...
BILL COSBY

There is no labor a person does that is undignified; if they do it right.
BILL COSBY

The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully va...
BILL COSBY

Gray hair is God's graffiti.
BILL COSBY

A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones who need the advice.
BILL COSBY

The heart of marriage is memories.
BILL COSBY

Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now t...
BILL COSBY

Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.
BILL COSBY

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homewo...
BILL COSBY

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
BILL COSBY

Men and women belong to different species, and communication between them is a science still in its...
BILL COSBY

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
BILL COSBY

The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.
BILL COSBY

Honor isn't about making the right choices. It's about dealing with the consequences.
BILL COSBY

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that w...
BILL COSBY

Lasting harmony with a woman (was) an undertaking in which I twice failed rather disgracefully.
BILL COSBY

I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've ...
BILL COSBY

A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need the advice.
BILL COSBY

Parents are not quite interested in justice, they are interested in quiet.
BILL COSBY

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. -Bill Cos...
BILL COSBY

Tons of comedians have said, 'I grew up learning from Bill Cosby. He's great.' But that ...
BILL COSBY

George Booth and I are both funny, and from afar, without meeting, admired each other's work.
BILL COSBY

I don't have a problem believing in God and Jesus. But in Genesis one has to wonder about these ...
BILL COSBY

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I&#...
BILL COSBY

Social networking helps reach people easier and quicker.
BILL COSBY

You don't reinvent yourself; you get better with what you do.
BILL COSBY

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter...
BILL COSBY

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even pov...
BILL COSBY

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
BILL COSBY

When I was a child, I was living in the housing projects of Philadelphia. I didn't even have a C...
BILL COSBY

When a person has a gun, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing will win arguments and straight...
BILL COSBY

Learning to read clusters is not something your eyes do naturally. It takes constant practice.
BILL COSBY

Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.
BILL COSBY

I am not going to give in to people who try to exploit me because of my celebrity status.
BILL COSBY

George Carlin is brilliant with words, and Johnny Winters is very creative. It's taking somethin...
BILL COSBY

It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.
BILL COSBY

The problems with kids having short attention spans is driven by entertainment, reset buttons on gam...
BILL COSBY

As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my broth...
BILL COSBY

There are certain times of the day when you need a balance - that is, your protein and your carbs. I...
BILL COSBY

I love cake. I love pie. I love potato chips. I love salt. I do not want yogurt, plain yogurt. It...
BILL COSBY

Reunited with strawberry, raspberry and blueberry, I am berry, berry happy to be back working with J...
BILL COSBY

My observations are not bread crumbs. They do not dissolve. They are on record, on film printed in b...
BILL COSBY

Racial humor was about 35% of my act when I first started. But I realized that it was a crutch. What...
BILL COSBY

There's no tradition today except initials, 'CSI,' 'NCIS,' all the rest. Even wi...
BILL COSBY

You haven't lost your smile at all, it's right under your nose. You just forgot it was there.
BILL COSBY

Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.
BILL COSBY

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
BILL COSBY

I really do plan to get out of show business within five years or so.
BILL COSBY

Kids need to remember that when you put something on Twitter, it's not like whispering to your f...
BILL COSBY

I see Obama as Sisyphus in the first four years. And nobody would speak about the size of the rock, ...
BILL COSBY

Gray hair is God's graffiti
BILL COSBY

What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I'd like to say that grandparents are God's gifts t...
BILL COSBY

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.
BILL COSBY

I feel that in-person contact with people is the most important thing in comedy. While I'm up on sta...
BILL COSBY

A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times w...
BILL COSBY

I don't see much comedy in the Bible, where people are writing about funny people. It's not ...
BILL COSBY

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do,...
BILL COSBY

When I decided that I wanted to go to college, I wanted to be a school teacher for 7th and 8th grade...
BILL COSBY

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for inv...
BILL COSBY

We're the geniuses of the house because only a person intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.
BILL COSBY

It's painful, but we can't heal ourselves unless we cleanse the wounds.
BILL COSBY

Thank you for remembering me. I'm also happy to be accepting this trophy before I become incontinent...
BILL COSBY

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.
BILL COSBY

There should be marches in every neighborhood every day telling the people about the negativity of d...
BILL COSBY

And it's wonderful to follow Clair and Cliff and their lives being successful, doing what they alway...
BILL COSBY

Now, Richard Pryor was unique. Many misunderstood his humor. He lit up the hallway, but they didn...
BILL COSBY

The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.
BILL COSBY

You are well-educated and you look cute, but that's not going to cut it.
BILL COSBY

Advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.
BILL COSBY

Ladies and gentlemen, the lower economic and lower middle economic people are not holding their end ...
BILL COSBY

If you read my sixth-grade report card, you'd notice that I started with unsatisfactory grades. My t...
BILL COSBY

A father . . . knows exactly what those boys at the mall have in their depraved little minds because...
BILL COSBY

My eleven year old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her breasts to grow.
BILL COSBY

I am not the boss of my house. I don't know when I lost it. I don't know if I ever had it. But I hav...
BILL COSBY

A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times w...
BILL COSBY

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
BILL COSBY

What kept me out of trouble is going right to the edge and then... thinking that my mother would be ...
BILL COSBY

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor ...
BILL COSBY

betrayal, abandonment, deceit and manipulation.
BILL COSBY

The childless experts on child raising also bring tears of laughter to my eyes when they say, "I lov...
BILL COSBY

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked
BILL COSBY

A thought comes . . . it's a true feeling, a funny feeling. And I get to develop it. [Writing] is mo...
BILL COSBY

Fatherhood is telling your daughter that Michael Jackson loves all his fans, but has special feeling...
BILL COSBY

Old is always fifteen years from now.
BILL COSBY

Did you ever see the customers in health-food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half dea...
BILL COSBY

And I was a physical education major with a child psychology minor at Temple, which means if you ask...
BILL COSBY

In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a da...
BILL COSBY

Is the glass half full, or half empty?It depends on whether you're pouring, or drinking.
BILL COSBY

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.
BILL COSBY

I was told maybe nine years ago by an executive who was working for a major network that the network...
BILL COSBY

In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a da...
BILL COSBY

Network executives never did understand what made our show work,
BILL COSBY

about these magical people with no jobs who live in apartments.
BILL COSBY

One of the beauties of watching our show is that, really and truly, it remains fresh because you're ...
BILL COSBY

[He didn't attempt to ease them into the real world.] You're out of here, ... You can't sit around a...
BILL COSBY

The more you invest in that child, the more you're not going to let some CD tell your child how to c...
BILL COSBY

That's not my daughter.
BILL COSBY

Your rooms are as filthy today as they were when you graduated from high school. And we want them cl...
BILL COSBY

You can turn painful situations through laughter.
BILL COSBY

Now all you parents who are saying, 'Come on.' I'm now going to throw it back at you. Where are the ...
BILL COSBY

I asked her to dance and we did. Then I asked for her phone number and wanted to see her,
BILL COSBY

Children today know more about sex than I or my father did.
BILL COSBY

There's no labor a man can do that's undignified -- if he does it right.
BILL COSBY

Anyone should be able to say on stage what they want. But those who have knowledge, do understand th...
BILL COSBY

This was a threat being carried out -- $40 million for 22 years, ... I've watched these people, payi...
BILL COSBY

There's no reason for him to come here and jump on black men who have been held down for years.
BILL COSBY

We go out of our way to make people so different, ... to punish them because of color, because of se...
BILL COSBY

If my father ever told me that, ... I'd tear the corner off a piece of paper and say, 'There you are...
BILL COSBY

I recently turned fifty, which is young for a tree, midlife for an elephant, and ancient for a quart...
BILL COSBY

I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long...
BILL COSBY

I want to die before my wife, and the reason is this: If it is true that when you die, your soul goe...
BILL COSBY

Give me 200 active 2-year-olds and I could conquer the world.
BILL COSBY

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.
BILL COSBY

Anyone can dabble, but once you've made that commitment, your blood has that particular thing in it,...
BILL COSBY

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
BILL COSBY

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try please everyone.
BILL COSBY

She (his wife) is the wind beneath my wings.
BILL COSBY

When the child is twelve, your wife buys her a splendidly silly article of clothing called a trainin...
BILL COSBY

Fatherhood is asking your son to make up a name rather than tell anybody who he is.
BILL COSBY

These people marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education and now we've got these...
BILL COSBY

Why can't we save these boys without sending them to Africa? How difficult is it? We can do it, man....
BILL COSBY

This is one of those stories that came out of the devastation of New Orleans that has not been widel...
BILL COSBY

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
BILL COSBY

Sigmund Freud once said, "What do women want?" The only thing I have learned in fifty-two years is t...
BILL COSBY

Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.
BILL COSBY

You can never give complete authority and overall power to anyone until trust can be proven.
BILL COSBY

They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English. I can't even talk the way these people ...
BILL COSBY

You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've ne...
BILL COSBY

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think -- in a deeper voice.
BILL COSBY

Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.
BILL COSBY

When you become senile, you won't know it.
BILL COSBY

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what'...
BILL COSBY

A word to the wise ain't necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice
BILL COSBY

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting ca...
BILL COSBY

It's more blessed to give than to receive -- especially kittens.
BILL COSBY

My grandpa didn't believe in hugging and kissing, or saying "I love you." His love had to do with th...
BILL COSBY

The three ingredients of a successful union between two . . . humor, commitment & undying love.
BILL COSBY

It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful
BILL COSBY

People will frighten you about a graduation...They use words you don't hear often... "And we wish yo...
BILL COSBY

In dealing with kids, no matter how little we understand their explanations, we must always remember...
BILL COSBY

And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wo...
BILL COSBY

Every success story has a parent who says, 'over my dead body.' Every success story has an o...
BILL COSBY

The first-born in every family is always dreaming for an imaginary older brother or sister who will ...
BILL COSBY

Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an app...
BILL COSBY

The summit, which is set up to educate people about managing their money and protecting their income...
BILL COSBY

I want all this loud profanity in the street stopped. I want people to think about choices.
BILL COSBY

I think the part of media that romanticizes criminal behavior, things that a person will say against...
BILL COSBY

I watch an awful lot of television, and I get a little tired of what I see... We have about six tele...
BILL COSBY

I never saw anything funny in a car commercial - but that's OK. Whatever they wanted to do - it&...
BILL COSBY

When you introduce competition into the public school system, most studies show that schools start t...
BILL COSBY

That's why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.
BILL COSBY

I brought you in this world, and I can take you out!
BILL COSBY

A grandchild is God's reward for raising a child.
BILL COSBY

And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.
BILL COSBY

Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has dev...
BILL COSBY

In spite of the seven thousand books of expert advice, the right way to disciplne a child is still a...
BILL COSBY

If you want to be seen, stand up.
If you want to be heard, speak up.
If you want to be app...
BILL COSBY

When in doubt, delete it.
PHILIP COSBY

You know, fathers just have a way of putting everything together.
ERIKA COSBY

They can be as angry as they want to. They ought to be ashamed. They're the ones that let a pedophil...
RITA COSBY

I was playing baseball but thinking about football. My heart wasn't in it.
QUAN COSBY

Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you kno...
BILL MAHER

No one really wants to admit they are lonely, and it is never really addressed very much between fri...
BILL MURRAY

President Obama is a utopian at heart. He wants to improve the lives of the downtrodden, which is a ...
BILL O'REILLY

Since the time of St. Jerome, it was mandatory for any kind of scholar or thinker to spend time out ...
BILL VIOLA

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.
BILL WATTERSON

Bill Cosby

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