I'm greedy, and I have a house to pay for and a wife. She has a job of her own, but I bleed her dry. She's on her third shift right now.

I haven't got a car or a house. I've got a wife, but I didn't pay for her! I spend all my money on my glorious wife. She's here with a knife at my throat!

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

There's no job that will humble you like the White House press secretary job.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

If a woman hasn't got a tiny streak of harlot in her, she's a dry stick as a rule.