FastSaying

I wish my stove came with a Save As button like Word has. That way I could experiment with my cooking and not fear ruining my dinner.


Jarod Kintz

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When I battle wits with Jarod Kintz I always feel like I need to take my brain out to give him a tra...
WILL ADVISE My heart is burning a hole in my chest and every time you speak to me, it keeps sinking, and I'm lef...
KAREN QUAN I hate when I'm not done with my cup but my mom decides to put it in the dishwasher anyway and the c...
KAREN QUAN I really hate that I need my glasses while using my laptop. What I hate even more is that I need tho...
KAREN QUAN Jarod Kintz gets so many retweets, he’s like Katniss Everdeen with tourettes in a forest full of M...
RYAN LILLY I'm gonna go put my earplugs in and practice piano for hours until my fingers bleed. I practice the ...
KAREN QUAN I could make a martyrly claim to having been the victim of childhood enslavement when I report that ...
ALICE DREGER I have to go out for lunch and dinner because I can't cook. I need a woman to come and save me f...
CARROT TOP I don't own cable, but my TV came with a Netflix button.
CAMERON DALLAS If I were offering hip replacement services I'd use Jarod Kintz as my spokesman. No one can possibly...
WILL ADVISE This wasn't the way I had imagined my adventures, but reality ignored my wishes from the get-go, giv...
DAVID BENIOFF I wish my wallet came with free refills.
ANONYMOUS My grandpa, unlike Jarod Kintz, was an Elder. Now that he's dead and gone, he's a ghost French wizar...
WILL ADVISE She complains that I'm lazy, but I just like to save my energy for dinner.
MATSHONA DHLIWAYO I have a wish. It as a fear as well - that in my end will be my beginning.
CHE GUEVARA Depending on your point of view, Ashley (or Leslie Howard) was sensitive, poetic, and enigmatic-- or...
MOLLY HASKELL The most unhappy people in the world are those who face the days without knowing what to do with the...
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT teacher:"I'm teacher, not because i want to teach children something. I am teacher just because I li...
MY TEACHER I do not like people touching my underwear. That's just weird! I travel with a washer and dryer,...
CARRIE UNDERWOOD I came to America to teach my method - not to enter a research experiment.
ELIZABETH KENNY I think that my love of cooking grew out of my love of reading about cooking. When I was a kid, we h...
SAMANTHA BEE I remember when I was in college, I used to watch Julia Child's cooking show during dinner and j...
MARTIN YAN My best travelling experience lasted several years: between 1971 and 1974 when I bummed around the E...
ANTONY GORMLEY I don’t ever want to hurt anyone, but I really wish there was something like a reset button on my ...
JENNIFER ELISABETH I wish i could feed my soul just like i feed my hunger.
FUTTY-FUZE As soon as the words slip past my lips, I wish I could grab them with my hands and crush them in my ...
BETH REVIS I dreamt that ‪@mark_wahlberg‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬ and his ...
CRYSTAL WOODS There's nothing I like better than going to my apartment, closing the door, cooking my little di...
TIM GUNN How I wish I only felt using my hands and not with my whole heart.
ALFA H Family is always first. Even though my kids are older - my son is 25 and my daughter is 21 - I still...
JACLYN SMITH I can stand public humiliation as long as I still have the freedom to experiment with my life and do...
TURYASINGURA NELSON DERRICK - Why is depression the blues and not the grays?
- Because racer!
-Jarod Kintz and Stefan...
STEFAN D If you were to ask Jarod Kintz‬‬‬ what his personal favourite joke was, he'd say the one with ...
STEFAN D There was always a garden connection with my Grandpa. I remember how we use to dig soil for hours an...
LILY CHATTERJEE I hate cameras. They interfere, they're always in the way. I wish: if I could work with my eyes ...
RICHARD AVEDON I'm happy with the way I played in my first major as a professional. I wish I would have played a li...
MICHELLE WIE You see other people with their families after the games, and you wish you could have that. So I tur...
CAMILLE MOUTE I have always wished for a computer that would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish came true....
BJARNE STROUSTRUP I, for one, find writing excruciating. Some mornings, as I'm on my way to my desk, my hands actu...
ROSEMARY MAHONEY My son has given me the strength to continue. I wish I could retrace my steps.
JOANNE SANABRIA I'm a very safe saver. I save everything. I save all my money and my parents raised me like that...
KAT DENNINGS I could probably die happy with a cheeseboard and a glass of French red wine - that's my idea of...
DEIRDRE O'KANE When I cook with my son, I might chop vegetables and have fun with different shapes. Cooking is a wa...
EMERIL LAGASSE I am not patient with everything and everyone like I once was. Now I save my patience for the import...
JIM ALTUM I learned to put my trust in God and to see Him as my strength. Long ago I set my mind to be a free ...
ROSA PARKS I wish my hair was thicker, and I wish my feet were prettier. My toes are really ugly. I wish my ear...
BRITNEY SPEARS What I wish to show when I paint is the way I see things with my eyes and in my heart. -Raoul Dufy.
RAOUL DUFY I wish my brain had an off switch. Maybe that way I could get some sleep.
CHRISTY HALL I wish I could remember where I put things. I spend half my life looking for my keys. With the other...
SARA PARETSKY I wish I could run an open with a baton in my hand. I've grown up with a baton in my hand. It's kind...
KYLA SCHMIDT I love cooking. There is nothing I like better than going home and cooking my family a nice meal. An...
EDEN HAZARD I wish we could just keep on playing. I was definitely pleased with my finish.
ASHLEY KNOLL We know no fear. It was cut from our souls at birth. We can feel it only as an absence, as an empty ...
JOHN FRENCH I had my guitar and some talent so that I could make friends with intelligent people and could talk ...
MADELEINE PEYROUX I'm kind of a grandma, so I like cooking for my boyfriend and watching a movie. I cook a lot, ac...
GIGI HADID I wish we could push a button and find a way to engage the private sector and make this free.
JAMES WILLIAMS My evidence that I am saved does not lie in the fact that I preach, or that I do this or that. All m...
CHARLES SPURGEON I received my money from the treasury, I used to very early to go the clubs, but when the burden of ...
KAMISESE MARA I am in love with my La Cornue custom-made stove - it's a dream to use and my favourite part of ...
KYLIE MINOGUE I love being a mother; I hate being a housewife - the cooking, the laundry - because it takes away t...
MARCIA GAY HARDEN I am not a fool. I am wise. I will run from my fear, I will outdistance my fear, then I will hide fr...
MARK Z. DANIELEWSKI I may not take my clothes seriously. I may not have brushed or even washed my hair today. But I pron...
RAINBOW ROWELL Singing is a limitless form of expression, and I love to experiment with my work.
KAILASH KHER I used to experiment all the time with my hair color.
OLIVIA WILDE You could eat sushi off my bookshelf. My cleaning regime is like a battleground. I'm Genghis Kha...
RYAN ADAMS My wife and I both love cooking - I am an advanced male - so we argue about who gets to rustle up di...
STEPHEN BAYLEY A perfect dinner for me is being with people I really want to be with. It starts and stops with my c...
CATHERINE BACH My father, George, has also affected the choices in my life regarding films. I like films that take ...
LEONARDO DICAPRIO I wish with all my heart that every child could be so imbued with a sense of the adventure of life t...
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT I try to teach my son about sanitation, especially when handling foods like chicken that could be da...
EMERIL LAGASSE I wish you were entwined with every little nicety of my work and my life and would love it all like ...
PRIYANKA CHANDRA Words, words, word. Once, I had the gift. I could make love out of words as a potter makes cups of c...
JEFFREY EUGENIDES With my little dinners I like to feel I am helping to save Western civilization.
GWEN CAFRITZ It's been different. I started driving again. I started cooking again. My driving's better than my c...
BARBARA BUSH 'Please, Lord, save my baby, save baby.' That was all I could do.
JAN SHOPE I was a rotten kid. My excitement came from seeing what I could get away with.
LOUIS ZAMPERINI I didn’t mean to fall in love with you. But it happened. And I can’t erase it. I can’t ignore ...
DAVID LEVITHAN The first question I asked my dad after the relapse was if I could still do the foundation. He said ...
MICHAEL FRIEDMAN I started cooking when I was about 10. I have memories like when I was 6 or 7 with my mom, and when ...
EMERIL LAGASSE I bent my head over a stove in my early 20s and picked it up in my 30s.
ALEXANDRA GUARNASCHELLI I wish with all my heart that you may be the most lovable prince in the world, and I bestow my gift ...
CHARLES PERRAULT There were so many places in my time with Rogerson that I wished I could go back to, hitting the sto...
SARAH DESSEN Ivy hugs me tighter. "Wonderful, Rylan. This is good to know. And thank you for calling me...you...
COLLEEN BOYD I wish I came from a more pure place. I don't have something to say from the bottom of my soul. ...
ADAM BRODY Could I betray my absent heart to save my pathetic life?
STEPHENIE MEYER I wish myself to be a prop, if anything, for my songs. I want to be the vehicle for my songs. I woul...
DAVID BOWIE There was an undercurrent of poverty throughout my childhood. We lived with my grandmother in her tw...
BERNARD HILL I had a lot of conversations with my family, my close friends, with my pastor, with God, and kind of...
CAITLYN JENNER I wish I had a great relationship with my mother.
CHELY WRIGHT Doctor, as I believe you would not choose to tell any thing but the truth, you had better tell him, ...
DAVID HUME ... on the whole I thought I liked having everything very tidy and calm all around me, and not being...
STELLA GIBBONS Music became a healer for me. And I learned to listen with all my being. I found that it could wipe ...
ERIC CLAPTON Now, when I came on to Washington to begin my job, I was so interested in photography at that time t...
BEN SHAHN We were never the family that ordered pizza, and my mom never came home with a bucket of fried chick...
HAYLIE DUFF With my partner beside me, I fear nothing, not even death.
ANN AGUIRRE Fortunately, among werewolf women, the word "bitch" is not offensive. I was having a lot of fun with...
MOLLY HARPER I was fortunate to be able to speak with Paul's brother during my stay at the hospital and I was gla...
ED CARPENTER I came to love, I came into my own.
THEODORE ROETHKE I just came out tonight with confidence. I took the shots that I knew I could make and was there for...
DOMINIQUE DUCK I wish I could just go tell all the young women I work with, all these fabulous women, 'Believe ...
SHERYL SANDBERG

More Jarod Kintz

Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, b...
JAROD KINTZ If there are two men, Rod and Rob, and you can only steal from one, which one would you choose? The ...
JAROD KINTZ She said she was a nurse. I replied that she must have a lot of patience—and patients. I would hav...
JAROD KINTZ I’ll give you 50% off for half a year, or 100% off for a whole year. At these bargain discount pri...
JAROD KINTZ What do you mean love is not for sale? Then what the hell did I just buy? And why is it grandma-shap...
JAROD KINTZ A fly can fly, so man should be called walk. If you want to make love, I’ll bring the wheelchair, ...
JAROD KINTZ When traveling on foot through the Sahara Desert, be sure to pack several gallons of ice cream, and ...
JAROD KINTZ I work in a secret whisper factory. It’s all very hush-hush. Her love for me could be found there,...
JAROD KINTZ I predict that love will burst forth on the Fourth of July. That’s tomorrow, so I’d better prepa...
JAROD KINTZ I will paint a classic car yellow and convert it into a bulldozer. If you need me, I’ll be in the ...
JAROD KINTZ This year I vow to learn how to garden. I will be the Farmer of Love and grow in understanding and f...
JAROD KINTZ Everyone is different from each other, but that doesn’t mean everyone should be indifferent to eac...
JAROD KINTZ Too little light and man can’t see, just as too much light and man is blinded. Love is a light, an...
JAROD KINTZ Don’t sleep with a blindfold on. Sleep with your eyes open and alert, because love may come in you...
JAROD KINTZ Though it comes from her throat, I drink the sound of her voice. Her I love yous dehydrate me, becau...
JAROD KINTZ In today's classroom everybody wins a trophy, even the one kid who actually won. Soon it will be, le...
JAROD KINTZ I’ll repeat phrases over and over in a spiral and use the shape to design a building. Would you re...
JAROD KINTZ We must make love to find out how it’s made. I don’t know what the ingredients are, but I think ...
JAROD KINTZ She bats her eyelashes like I’m throwing baseballs at them. I must be as romantic as Pete Rose’s...
JAROD KINTZ People won't buy study guides for a dollar, but they will pay 100 dollars for test answers. A ‪#st...
JAROD KINTZ I thirst for love like a camel thirsts for water. I’m going through a desert right now, but I’m ...
JAROD KINTZ I cry, but not for myself. There’s too much sadness in this world to waste a moment with self-pity...
JAROD KINTZ My ticket's been bought, and my luggage is packed. I'm storing both of my bags under my eyes. Or am ...
JAROD KINTZ Sleep is the breakfast of champions. This morning I had two big bowls full, each two hours deep.
JAROD KINTZ Even though it’s locked in a cage, my heart is a bird that flutters at the sound of her voice, as ...
JAROD KINTZ I watch you like a mirror, because I see in you what I see in myself. Who we love is a reflection of...
JAROD KINTZ If I were a Wild West cowboy, I wouldn’t ride a horse—I’d ride a wheelchair. More romantic.
JAROD KINTZ I would rather make love than war, but only because condoms kill millions of lives more enjoyably.
JAROD KINTZ Should I go up one flight of stairs and then come back down, or should I go down one flight of stair...
JAROD KINTZ If you were to ask me the best time of day to fall in love, I'd say, "Now." But you'd also have to r...
JAROD KINTZ I’m willing to die for the woman I love. I just want to take 75 years to do it.
JAROD KINTZ The Chair


I’m writing to you, who made the archaic wooden chair
look like a ...
JAROD KINTZ I’m going outside to get a breath of fresh air. Anybody got a cigarette I can have?
JAROD KINTZ I want to write an unreliable narrator. In fact, he’ll be so unreliable that I’m not even sure h...
JAROD KINTZ I like eye contact, but please don’t blink when my eyeballs are touching yours.
JAROD KINTZ Just because I liked something at one point in time doesn’t mean I’ll always like it, or that I ...
JAROD KINTZ Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world.
JAROD KINTZ I dance like I have a chip on my shoulder. I dance salsa.
JAROD KINTZ When you're here, I'm there for you. And when you're there, I'm here for you.
JAROD KINTZ Can you break my five-dollar bill into five singles? Women love guys with lots of money.
JAROD KINTZ Wisdom equals knowledge plus courage. You have to not only know what to do and when to do it, but yo...
JAROD KINTZ I wrote a thesis on love, and I wrote it in lipstick. Of course, I also got blood on the paper, beca...
JAROD KINTZ I make love like an albino sings—softly, and from sunset to sunrise (except in Alaska).
JAROD KINTZ I have a stalker, a beautiful one: the sunset. Every day she’s there, watching me, whether I watch...
JAROD KINTZ Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with ...
JAROD KINTZ The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car....
JAROD KINTZ One of my main regrets in life is giving considerable thought to inconsiderate people.
JAROD KINTZ Drinking coffee is like drinking an inverse yawn. I prefer mine with two spoonfuls of “I’m liste...
JAROD KINTZ She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. ...
JAROD KINTZ A wife is a friend first, a lover second, and third and probably most important, a maid.
JAROD KINTZ I am the archaeologist of love. I’m digging for the bones of a loved one I shot and buried decades...
JAROD KINTZ Love is like a forest, I think as I kill trees by squandering toilet paper while “decorating” my...
JAROD KINTZ I think Gummy Bears should be the universal symbol for peace, because peace leads to prosperity, pro...
JAROD KINTZ Pick a number between one to ten. Now, pick the number that you think I picked you to pick.

JAROD KINTZ When I hear someone’s sick, my first thought is selfishly, Better him than me. My second thought i...
JAROD KINTZ It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.
JAROD KINTZ To Do Today, 1/17/08
1. Sit and think
2. Reach enlightenment
3. Feed the cats
JAROD KINTZ I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every da...
JAROD KINTZ If coffee meant vagina, I’d ask you if you wanted cream in your coffee. But it doesn’t mean that...
JAROD KINTZ Here's a haiku/palindrome I wrote called, "Obsession."

Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob,
Bob,...
JAROD KINTZ When I say something, I mean what I say, despite what a dictionary says I mean. Meanings of words ar...
JAROD KINTZ My life motto: My brakes are broke, but luckily my gas pedal works just fine.

JAROD KINTZ If I were to come back in another life, I’d like to be reincarnated as my own clone.
JAROD KINTZ I wouldn’t advise making a four-year commitment to eventually land an $8.00/hour job. Skip college...
JAROD KINTZ College has given me the confidence I need to fail.

JAROD KINTZ If flowers were boogers, I'd pick a few big ones and flick them on your grave.
JAROD KINTZ I want to grow a flower for every time someone tells me “F*** you.” Then I’ll go back to that ...
JAROD KINTZ Goodbyes, they often come in waves.
JAROD KINTZ The mouth is made for communication,and nothing is more articulate than a kiss
JAROD KINTZ Leave me with my leftover meatloaf and my Yesterday Sandwich. I’ll be in love tomorrow, if you com...
JAROD KINTZ I run like I have cirrus clouds for legs and rainbow knees. What is life, if not a marathon of love?...
JAROD KINTZ I loved her like elephants like remembering stuff. Those bastards just won’t let me forget and mov...
JAROD KINTZ I coiled my empty straw wrapper around like a snake. Then I bit it before it could bite me. My love ...
JAROD KINTZ Love is like breakfast with Mildred. Who’s Mildred? How the heck should I know? I don’t eat brea...
JAROD KINTZ Love is a circular emotion that surrounds you, like a hug. Or a noose.
JAROD KINTZ I cut an inch off of every straw I see, just to make the world suck a little less.

JAROD KINTZ I don’t know what’s in the box, but I love it. Unopened gifts contain hope.

JAROD KINTZ My next breath may very well be in your lungs. Store it wisely, because my life depends on it.

JAROD KINTZ It’s what you do in your free time that will set you free—or enslave you.
JAROD KINTZ I can bench press steam, but not fog. I just have to wait until the fog lifts itself.

JAROD KINTZ When faced with two equally tough choices, most people choose the third choice: to not choose.
JAROD KINTZ The year you were born marks only your entry into the world. Other years where you prove your worth,...
JAROD KINTZ Sometimes the thing that brings us together also pulls us apart. Sort of like a zipper.
JAROD KINTZ One of the most productive ways a government can spend money on the people is by building more priso...
JAROD KINTZ With my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what yo...
JAROD KINTZ I find out a lot about myself by sleeping. Dreams, they are who I am when I’m too tired to be me.
JAROD KINTZ Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers.
JAROD KINTZ You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.
JAROD KINTZ The best part about having children is being able to point at them and proudly proclaim, "Hey, I mad...
JAROD KINTZ Can America get back to a point where politicians are honest? Not unless that point is the tip of a ...
JAROD KINTZ She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to th...
JAROD KINTZ Insider trading is a serious crime. Do you know what the penalty for doing it is? Nothing, if you’...
JAROD KINTZ I had a dream about you. We were at a buffet, but instead of eating food, we were forced to eat our ...
JAROD KINTZ I had a dream about you. We were fishing in the Utah desert. You caught a dinosaur, but due to Feder...
JAROD KINTZ I had a dream about you. We were in a band. I was the lead singer, guitar player, saxophonist, harpi...
JAROD KINTZ Reading—it’s the third best thing to do in bed.
JAROD KINTZ Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well ...
JAROD KINTZ If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where...
JAROD KINTZ Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by.
JAROD KINTZ I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It’s not cigarette smoke, but I’d understan...
JAROD KINTZ I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair t...
JAROD KINTZ I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it's relations...
JAROD KINTZ A traditional doctor gets paid to push pills, vaccinate, radiate, and basically exterminate people. ...
JAROD KINTZ I am the sunrise of sunsets, and I make love like noon at midnight.
JAROD KINTZ Laughter is the sound of the soul dancing. My soul probably looks like Fred Astaire.
JAROD KINTZ Roses may say “I love you,” but the cactus says “Fuck off.
JAROD KINTZ Love may make you feel blue, love may make you feel green, and sometimes love may even make you feel...
JAROD KINTZ Two become one when two are in love—or when the waitress asks about our dinner bill. I’ll pay ne...
JAROD KINTZ Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, ...
JAROD KINTZ I talked to a calzone for fifteen minutes last night before I realized it was just an introverted pi...
JAROD KINTZ It was impressive that their team had all the momentum and we kept our composure and executed our of...
VIC KINTZ One game in this region could be the matter of going to the state tournament or sitting home and wat...
JAROD INGERSOLL He's a great hitter, and he's got that kind of pop in his bat.
JAROD INGERSOLL Whenever he's had proper rest, he just flat out pitches for us. He was hitting his spots, and he mix...
JAROD INGERSOLL When we come to play with enthusiasm, and we're all together, we're a pretty good team.
JAROD INGERSOLL He's (Smith) a good pitcher. We know he's one of the top three pitchers in the state. We know he's a...
JAROD INGERSOLL He's been solid all year for us in middle relief, and he came in and got the job done again today.
JAROD INGERSOLL The baseball here is just a lot of fun right now. The kids all love baseball. They love to play it a...
JAROD INGERSOLL This is my favorite tournament I've been to since I've been coaching here (American Fork). I love Br...
JAROD INGERSOLL The facilities departments will have command centers set up at both the North and South sites. It wi...
JAROD TUFTS Without proper communication, people will wonder why they're left in the dark, and assume the worst.
JAROD TUFTS For the administrators who dial in from California, yeah, I'm concerned, but in many cases I didn't ...
JAROD TUFTS In some cases this person will be on-site, but in many cases they won't.
JAROD TUFTS We're not complacent, but we have an extreme sense of confidence in our status for the transition. W...
JAROD TUFTS He's been the catalyst for our team all season.
JAROD INGERSOLL