I will paint a classic car yellow and convert it into a bulldozer. If you need me, I’ll be in the cemetery digging to try to find myself as a person.


Jarod Kintz

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and...
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Sometimes trying to know someone so well is not always good.
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It is a lie.
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Why, darling, I don't live at all when I'm not with you.
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Well, you can't know it without something having been sneezed.
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Even longer,' Pooh answered.”
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If I provide for this life and turn away from the Lord, I am wise for a moment, but lost forever.
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Paint me as I am. If you leave out the scars and wrinkles, I will not pay you a shilling.
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People live for eating,but I eat for survive
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Aut viam inveniam aut faciam tibi.

I will either find a way or make one.
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I will not read the last page of novels first," I said, and then punched myself in the face.
"...
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GARY F EVANS...
One's ideas must be as broad as Nature if they are to interpret Nature
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blackmagic on a person http://www.astrodost.com/how-to-do-black-magic-on-a-person blackmagic on a pe...
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If I didn't know you I would say I don't know you.
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You use your real voice with those you love, and you cannot be phony with those who know you well.
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Though it comes from her throat, I drink the sound of her voice. Her I love yous dehydrate me, becau...
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I cry, but not for myself. There’s too much sadness in this world to waste a moment with self-pity...
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Sleep is the breakfast of champions. This morning I had two big bowls full, each two hours deep.
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Even though it’s locked in a cage, my heart is a bird that flutters at the sound of her voice, as ...
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I watch you like a mirror, because I see in you what I see in myself. Who we love is a reflection of...
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If I were a Wild West cowboy, I wouldn’t ride a horse—I’d ride a wheelchair. More romantic.
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I would rather make love than war, but only because condoms kill millions of lives more enjoyably.
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If you were to ask me the best time of day to fall in love, I'd say, "Now." But you'd also have to r...
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I’m willing to die for the woman I love. I just want to take 75 years to do it.
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The Chair


I’m writing to you, who made the archaic wooden chair
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JAROD KINTZ
I’m going outside to get a breath of fresh air. Anybody got a cigarette I can have?
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I wish my stove came with a Save As button like Word has. That way I could experiment with my cookin...
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I want to write an unreliable narrator. In fact, he’ll be so unreliable that I’m not even sure h...
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I like eye contact, but please don’t blink when my eyeballs are touching yours.
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Just because I liked something at one point in time doesn’t mean I’ll always like it, or that I ...
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Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world.
JAROD KINTZ
I dance like I have a chip on my shoulder. I dance salsa.
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When you're here, I'm there for you. And when you're there, I'm here for you.
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Can you break my five-dollar bill into five singles? Women love guys with lots of money.
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Wisdom equals knowledge plus courage. You have to not only know what to do and when to do it, but yo...
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I make love like an albino sings—softly, and from sunset to sunrise (except in Alaska).
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One of my main regrets in life is giving considerable thought to inconsiderate people.
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Pick a number between one to ten. Now, pick the number that you think I picked you to pick.

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If coffee meant vagina, I’d ask you if you wanted cream in your coffee. But it doesn’t mean that...
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Here's a haiku/palindrome I wrote called, "Obsession."

Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob,
Bob,...
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My life motto: My brakes are broke, but luckily my gas pedal works just fine.

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College has given me the confidence I need to fail.

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If flowers were boogers, I'd pick a few big ones and flick them on your grave.
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I want to grow a flower for every time someone tells me “F*** you.” Then I’ll go back to that ...
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Goodbyes, they often come in waves.
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The mouth is made for communication,and nothing is more articulate than a kiss
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Leave me with my leftover meatloaf and my Yesterday Sandwich. I’ll be in love tomorrow, if you com...
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Love is a circular emotion that surrounds you, like a hug. Or a noose.
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I cut an inch off of every straw I see, just to make the world suck a little less.

JAROD KINTZ
I don’t know what’s in the box, but I love it. Unopened gifts contain hope.

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My next breath may very well be in your lungs. Store it wisely, because my life depends on it.

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It’s what you do in your free time that will set you free—or enslave you.
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I can bench press steam, but not fog. I just have to wait until the fog lifts itself.

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When faced with two equally tough choices, most people choose the third choice: to not choose.
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Sometimes the thing that brings us together also pulls us apart. Sort of like a zipper.
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With my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what yo...
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I find out a lot about myself by sleeping. Dreams, they are who I am when I’m too tired to be me.
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Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers.
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You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.
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JAROD KINTZ
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She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to th...
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Insider trading is a serious crime. Do you know what the penalty for doing it is? Nothing, if you’...
JAROD KINTZ
I had a dream about you. We were at a buffet, but instead of eating food, we were forced to eat our ...
JAROD KINTZ
I had a dream about you. We were fishing in the Utah desert. You caught a dinosaur, but due to Feder...
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I had a dream about you. We were in a band. I was the lead singer, guitar player, saxophonist, harpi...
JAROD KINTZ
Reading—it’s the third best thing to do in bed.
JAROD KINTZ
Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well ...
JAROD KINTZ
If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where...
JAROD KINTZ
Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by.
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I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It’s not cigarette smoke, but I’d understan...
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I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair t...
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I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it's relations...
JAROD KINTZ
A traditional doctor gets paid to push pills, vaccinate, radiate, and basically exterminate people. ...
JAROD KINTZ
I am the sunrise of sunsets, and I make love like noon at midnight.
JAROD KINTZ
Laughter is the sound of the soul dancing. My soul probably looks like Fred Astaire.
JAROD KINTZ
Roses may say “I love you,” but the cactus says “Fuck off.
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Love may make you feel blue, love may make you feel green, and sometimes love may even make you feel...
JAROD KINTZ
Two become one when two are in love—or when the waitress asks about our dinner bill. I’ll pay ne...
JAROD KINTZ
Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, ...
JAROD KINTZ
I talked to a calzone for fifteen minutes last night before I realized it was just an introverted pi...
JAROD KINTZ
It was impressive that their team had all the momentum and we kept our composure and executed our of...
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One game in this region could be the matter of going to the state tournament or sitting home and wat...
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He's a great hitter, and he's got that kind of pop in his bat.
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Whenever he's had proper rest, he just flat out pitches for us. He was hitting his spots, and he mix...
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When we come to play with enthusiasm, and we're all together, we're a pretty good team.
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He's been solid all year for us in middle relief, and he came in and got the job done again today.
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