I will clean house when Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

In Tulsa, restaurants have signs that say, "Sorry, we're open."

I always felt that it was easier to take a funny person and teach them to write television than to take somebody who was a television writer and make them funny. And I discovered a lot of great writers that went on to do a lot of great shows like 'Seinfeld,' 'Friends,' you know, 'Three and a Half Men.'

Since I had my gastric bypass surgery in 1998, I eat like a bird. Unfortunately, that bird is a California condor.

You can always get better. Nobody can stop you from getting better, and nobody can stop you from trying to make something right.