I want to be the friend you fall hopelessly in love with. The one you take into your arms and into your bed and into the private world you keep trapped in your head. I want to be that kind of friend. The one who will memorize the things you say as well as the shape of your lips when you say them. I want to know every curve, every freckle, every shiver of your body.

I want to know where to touch you, I want to know how to touch you. I want to know convince you to design a smile just for me. Yes, I do want to be your friend. I want to be your best friend in the entire world.

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Tahereh Mafi

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Be who you want to be not what others think you should be.
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TAHEREH MAFI So that's it?" Kenji says. "You just like him for his personality, huh?"

"What?"
TAHEREH MAFI Only an idiot would rely on the energy of a bean or a leaf to stay awake throughout the day.
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TAHEREH MAFI I'm oxygen and he's dying to breathe.
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TAHEREH MAFI I can do anything I want.
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TAHEREH MAFI I am going to MURDER YOU—”
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TAHEREH MAFI Hey, um, I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a friend of mine," he says. "Have you seen her...
TAHEREH MAFI I do know that I don't want to wake him.

We were up very late last night.
TAHEREH MAFI Lift your hips for me, love.
TAHEREH MAFI I touch the tip of my finger to his lips. "There are secrets in here," I say. "I want them out."
TAHEREH MAFI His hands are holding my cheeks, and he pulls back just to look me in the eye and his chest is heavi...
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TAHEREH MAFI For so many years I lived in constant terror of myself. Doubt had married my fear and moved into my ...
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TAHEREH MAFI Please," he says. "I'm begging you to stop."

I still.

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TAHEREH MAFI He's looking at the wall and at the floor and at the bedsheets and at the way his knuckles look when...
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TAHEREH MAFI His lips soften into a smile that cracks apart my spine. He repeats my name like the word amuses him...
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TAHEREH MAFI Hope.

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TAHEREH MAFI I always wonder about raindrops.

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and not breathing and hearts beating
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TAHEREH MAFI You’ve been on the edge of insanity your entire life, haven’t you? So many people called you cra...
TAHEREH MAFI I'm wearing dead cotton on my limbs and a blush of roses on my face.
TAHEREH MAFI Are you out of your goddamn mind? You think we can take on two hundred soldiers? I know I am an extr...
TAHEREH MAFI He looks immaculate.
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TAHEREH MAFI I hear Warner laugh.
I see him smile.
It's the kind of smile that transforms him into some...
TAHEREH MAFI Truth is a jealous, vicious mistress that never, ever sleeps.
TAHEREH MAFI His eyes are two buckets of rainwater: deep, fresh, clear. Hurt.
TAHEREH MAFI Why are you touching me?"

"Because I can.
TAHEREH MAFI Every butterfly in the world has migrated to my stomach.
TAHEREH MAFI Hope is a pocket of possibility.
I'm holding it in my hand.
TAHEREH MAFI Raindrops are my only reminder that clouds have a heartbeat. That I have one, too.
TAHEREH MAFI I've been screaming for years and no one has ever heard me.
TAHEREH MAFI I didn't want the clothes or the perfect shoes or the expensive anything. I didn't want to be draped...
TAHEREH MAFI My father couldn't warm my frozen hands.
TAHEREH MAFI I peek up at his features, at the crooked grin i want to savor, at the color in his eyes i'd use to ...
TAHEREH MAFI She could see all of Ferenwood from here: the rolling hills, the endless explosion of color cascadin...
TAHEREH MAFI I like the way I feel about myself when I'm with him." I say quietly. "Warner thinks I'm strong and ...
TAHEREH MAFI Good God, I have taken leave of my senses. I never thank Delalieu. I've likely given the poor man a ...
TAHEREH MAFI I sigh. "I don't know what's happening to me."
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I shoot hi...
TAHEREH MAFI I clench my fists and try not to scream and I tuck my friends in my heart and
revenge TAHEREH MAFI While a part of me wants to know, another part of me is too exhausted to ask.
TAHEREH MAFI Do you never get exhausted being so wholly unbearable?
TAHEREH MAFI Studies have shown that thinking and wondering lead to thoughtful decision-making. It's an epidemic.
TAHEREH MAFI we write every day, we fight every day, we think and scheme and dream a little dream every day. manu...
TAHEREH MAFI The tattoo is just setting below his hp bone.
H e l l i s e m p t y
a n d a l l t h e d ...
TAHEREH MAFI And I do. I do wonder, I think about it all the time. What it would be like to kill myself. Because ...
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TAHEREH MAFI I open the book and turn to the next page. Day three.

I started screaming today.
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TAHEREH MAFI That this girl would know exactly how to shatter me.
TAHEREH MAFI Of course I remember you." My voice is a strangled whisper. I squeeze my eyes shut. "You were the on...
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TAHEREH MAFI I allowed myself to believe she’d seen a future for us; that she wanted to be with me and simply t...
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TAHEREH MAFI My words wear no parachutes as they fall out of my mouth.
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"Such unfortunate language....
TAHEREH MAFI She is a soft, deadly creature. Kind and timid and terrifying. She's completely out of control and h...
TAHEREH MAFI This isn't about Adam or Warner," I tell him, "This is about me and what I want. This is about me fi...
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TAHEREH MAFI I am nothing more than the consequence of catastrophe.
TAHEREH MAFI My life is four walls of missed opportunities poured in concrete molds.
TAHEREH MAFI Find me a cure for these tears, I'd really like to exhale for the first time in my life.
TAHEREH MAFI I have a curse.
I HAVE A GIFT.
I'm a monster.
I'M MORE THAN HUMAN.
My touch Is l...
TAHEREH MAFI In just two days, one girl has managed to cripple me.
TAHEREH MAFI Friendship is not a thing I have ever experienced. Not as a child, and not as I am now.
TAHEREH MAFI Warner was supposed to be dead. Warner was supposed to be dead because I was supposed to have shot h...
TAHEREH MAFI What difference does it make?" he says. "People can think whatever they like. I don't desire their v...
TAHEREH MAFI My opinions,” I say to him, quietly this time, “should not so easily break your own. Stand by yo...
TAHEREH MAFI You allow the world to think you're a heartless murderer," I tell him. "And you're not."

...
TAHEREH MAFI You’re perfect,” I tell him, so overcome I forget myself. “All of you. Your entire body.
...
TAHEREH MAFI This girl is destroying me.
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TAHEREH MAFI Watching her talk to someone else made me crazy. I was jealous. Ridiculous. I wanted her to know me;...
TAHEREH MAFI Because I want her.
Now.
Here.
Everywhere.
I want nothing between us.
I wa...
TAHEREH MAFI I loved making you mad," he says to me, his eyes wicked. "I love making you mad.
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TAHEREH MAFI Love is a heartless bastard
TAHEREH MAFI I almost forget that she still hates me, despite how hard I've fallen for her.
And I've fallen....
TAHEREH MAFI People seldom realize that they tell lies with their lips and truths with their eyes all the time.
TAHEREH MAFI And I've fallen.

So hard.

I've hit the ground. Gone right through it. Never in...
TAHEREH MAFI There is nothing to fear. Nothing to worry about. Grieve nothing in this transitory world," he says ...
TAHEREH MAFI The small hand of a clock taps me at one and two, three and four, whispering hello, get up, stand up...
TAHEREH MAFI I promise myself then, in that moment, that I will hold him forever, just like this, until all the p...
TAHEREH MAFI Three forty-five-pound plates on each side of what Kenji told me is an Olympic bar, which weighs an ...
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TAHEREH MAFI I do want you," I say to him, my voice shaking. "I want you so much it scares me.
TAHEREH MAFI I'm not trying to fix you; I don't think you need to be fixed. I'm not trying to turn you into someo...
TAHEREH MAFI Have you ever been in love?" I ask, turning on my side to look at him. He stares up at the sky. Blin...
TAHEREH MAFI You think Warner is sexy?"
...
"I do like his face.
TAHEREH MAFI Can you hear my heart? I want to ask him.

I want you to make a list of all you...
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TAHEREH MAFI Come back to life, love. I'll be here when you wake up.
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TAHEREH MAFI It's not charity," I snap. "He cares about me--and I care about him!"

Warner nods, unimpr...
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TAHEREH MAFI Ignite, my love. Ignite.
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TAHEREH MAFI My mind is a warehouse of carefully organized human emotions.
I lock away the things that do no...
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TAHEREH MAFI There is nothing to fear. Nothing to worry about. Grieve nothing in this transitionary world. It's t...
TAHEREH MAFI Warner. A white bird with streaks of gold like a crown atop its head. A fair - skinned boy with gold...
TAHEREH MAFI We are hours and minutes reaching for the same second, holding hands as we spin forward into new day...
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I know becau...
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TAHEREH MAFI Kenji is a walking paradox of Unflinchingly Serious Person and 12-Year-Old Boy Going Through Puberty...
TAHEREH MAFI I have an extremely low threshold for disorder; it offends my very being.
TAHEREH MAFI I will give no one the satisfaction of my death.
TAHEREH MAFI Sir, can you hear me?" Another cry. But this time, a voice I don't detest.
"Sire, please, can y...
TAHEREH MAFI There’s something simmering inside of me. Something I’ve never dared to tap into, something I’...
TAHEREH MAFI I want to be someone else somewhere else with something else to fill my mind.
TAHEREH MAFI Sometimes I close my eyes and paint these walls a different color. I imagine I’m wearing warm sock...
TAHEREH MAFI This girl is destroying me. A girl who has spent the last year in an insane asylum. A girl who would...
TAHEREH MAFI She searches me with those odd, blue-green eyes and I feel guilty so suddenly, without understanding...
TAHEREH MAFI Sometimes I wish I could step outside of myself for a while. I want to leave this worn body behind, ...
TAHEREH MAFI Torture is not torture when there’s any hope of relief.
TAHEREH MAFI These letters are all I have left.
26 friends to tell my stories to.
26 letters are all I ...
TAHEREH MAFI Dude, you ran off with the crazy chick! You ran off with the psycho girl!" he's calling after Adam. ...
TAHEREH MAFI Hope in this world bleeds out of the barrel of a gun.
TAHEREH MAFI He whispers, "You have no idea how much I've thought about you. How many times I've dreamt"-he takes...
TAHEREH MAFI I am a being comprised of letters, a character created by sentences, a figment of imagination formed...
TAHEREH MAFI Adam stares at me so long I begin to blush. He tips my chin up so I meet his eyes. Blue blue blue bo...
TAHEREH MAFI Girls are always talking about electricity in their romance, but none are too happy to actually be e...
TAHEREH MAFI Killing time isn't as difficult as it sounds.

I can shoot a hundred numbers through the c...
TAHEREH MAFI You can't touch me," I whisper. I'm lying, is what I don't tell him. He can touch me, is what I'll n...
TAHEREH MAFI Someone picked up the sun and pinned it to the sky again, but every day it hangs a little lower than...
TAHEREH MAFI I am nothing but novocaine. I am numb, a world of nothing, all feeling and emotion gone forever. TAHEREH MAFI My voice softens. 'How old are you?'
'I'll be eleven next year.'
I grin. 'So you're...
TAHEREH MAFI Hope is hugging me, holding me in its arms, wiping away my tears and telling me that today and tomor...
TAHEREH MAFI The man is moody as hell.”

“I am not moody—”

“Yeah, bro.” K...
TAHEREH MAFI Time goes on even when we do not.
TAHEREH MAFI I am suspended in the moment. Flickering images faded with age, frozen thoughts hovering precariousl...
TAHEREH MAFI You can go to hell!"
"Just because I'm going to hell doesn't mean you'll ever deserve her.
TAHEREH MAFI Please—please get up—and lower your voice—”
“Hell no.”
“Why no...
TAHEREH MAFI Have you ever had a girlfriend, Kenji?"
"What?" He looks mortally offended. "Do I look l...
TAHEREH MAFI Sticks and stones keep breaking my bones but these words, these words will kill me.
TAHEREH MAFI Because something inside of my heart is ripping apart and it feels like fear, it tastes like panic a...
TAHEREH MAFI Tell me what you want" he [Warner] says desperately. "Tell me what to do," he says, "and I'll do it.
TAHEREH MAFI .. but you-with you-" Hefalters. Looks down. "How am I supposed to go back?" he asks, so quietly. "H...
TAHEREH MAFI The truth," he says, "is a painful reminder of why I prefer to live among the lies.
TAHEREH MAFI Twice.
Once for Adam.
Once for Warner.
TAHEREH MAFI People can think whatever they like....I don't desire their validation.
TAHEREH MAFI Hang tight
Hold on
Look up
Stay strong
Hang on
Hold tight
Look strong<...
TAHEREH MAFI I would rather be dead, than go back to being silent and suffocated.
TAHEREH MAFI All I know next are his arms, the desperate edge to his voice when he says my name, and I'm unraveli...
TAHEREH MAFI You know, I can sort of control it now," I tell him, beaming. "I can moderate my strength levels." TAHEREH MAFI I'm not falling for Warner," I say quietly.
"Sure you aren't."
"I'm not," I insist. "I'm j...
TAHEREH MAFI Because I was dying.
　　And Warner could’ve let me die. He was angry and hurt and had ever...
TAHEREH MAFI He and I would end up like water going nowhere. Water that never moves-- It's fine for a little whil...
TAHEREH MAFI Back to work. And this time, focus. You’re not an ape. Don’t just throw your shit everywhere.
TAHEREH MAFI It's incredible how someone can look so right and feel so wrong. Kent is a lucky bastard.
TAHEREH MAFI So I take a deep breath.
Step forward.
Let go.

10 seconds and I'm trying to bre...
TAHEREH MAFI At least I'm honest about being a liar
TAHEREH MAFI I want to trust but it scares the skin off my bones.
TAHEREH MAFI A handful of letters doesn't always make a word, love.
TAHEREH MAFI You're naked?" Kenji is suddenly studying my sheet and not bothering to be subtle about it. I flush ...
TAHEREH MAFI Juliette,” he says.

“Yes?”

I can hear him breathing.

“Thank...
TAHEREH MAFI

Tahereh Mafi

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