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I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.


Steven Wright

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I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
SHORT QUOTES I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
STEVEN WRIGHT I took my dog to the fire hydrant factory. They never saw so much excitement every time a hydrant ca...
SHORT QUOTES I didn't want wrestling anymore; I wanted to not want it. But I couldn't get a job anywhere,...
T. J. PERKINS I've read that Steven Wright's style was born out of genuine nervousness.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA The plane crashed against a tire factory in an industrial park near the airport at 11:40 a.m. (16:40...
GALO VERDUGO Once I was walking from The Mercer in New York - because otherwise I don't walk anywhere - and t...
KATE MOSS I was heavily influenced by Andy Kaufman and Steven Wright.
DAVID CROSS A fire hydrant is not something you want to lose, especially in an emergency.
SHANNON WIERSBITZKY I know career motivation and encouragement up the ladder of success have their place in the world. B...
MAGGIE ROWE In real football, I wouldn't want Terrell Owens anywhere near my team. But you're nuts if yo...
RANDY CROSS A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. —STEVEN WRIGHT
DARYNDA JONES I was in a form of a prison: not necessarily with bars, but I was locked to that machine three days ...
GRIZZ CHAPMAN I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on telev...
DEMETRI MARTIN It couldn't have happened anywhere but in little old New York.
O. HENRY I couldn't open up a magazine, you couldn't read a newspaper, you couldn't turn on the T...
MORGAN SPURLOCK I can't play anywhere near like I used to, and I was a hot drummer. It doesn't bother me, be...
PHIL COLLINS The first game was interesting. We had a four-run lead and squandered it, but Daly puts up zeros, De...
MIKE TRAPASSO Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT You can't work in a steel mill and think small. Giant converters hundreds of feet high. Every ni...
JACK GILBERT Sometimes I feel like a fire hydrant looking at a pack of dogs.
BILL CLINTON I feel like some sort of fiction-writing hobo, jumping trains and always hoping I'll find a good...
RAINBOW ROWELL I used to be really insular, really introverted. I couldn't articulate myself.
JULIETTE LEWIS The grass is always greener around the fire hydrant.
JEFF RICH You take the cards you're dealt. I'm now ferociously healthy in body and mind. You couldn...
MARGOT KIDDER I felt somewhat like a fire hydrant – with everyone marking their territory around me.
FARRAH NASEEM I am a big fan of the Gallagher brothers. At Liverpool, they came a few times; they are friends of S...
FERNANDO TORRES Collecting intelligence information is like trying to drink water out of a fire hydrant. You know, i...
LOUIS FREEH People always say that my work is sensational or shocking but there are truly shocking things you co...
DAMIEN HIRST The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I alwa...
DEMETRI MARTIN Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant.
MITCHELL KAPOR When I was younger, coming up in this industry, I was 17, 18 years old. You couldn't tell me Bey...
LIL MAMA I've done my best to work from a place of humility - always looking over your shoulder saying, &...
DAVID O. RUSSELL To a dog, a fire hydrant under maintenance is like a bathroom that's out of service.
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT Well, you don't make any demands to Steven Spielberg.
SHIA LABEOUF I always felt like I was a freak when I was growing up and that there was something wrong with me be...
MADONNA CICCONE You don't need a special place to meditate. You can transcend anywhere in the world. The unified...
DAVID LYNCH When I was in high school I saw Steven Wright, a brilliant one-liner comedian, and I thought: 'T...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA I started in for the ball but I just couldn't get it. I should have caught it because I was used...
AL KALINE I have a tough stomach, and I've put myself through a lot. But when I first found out what happe...
STEVE-O What's great about 'The Daily Show' is I can use satire and push the envelope. I couldn&...
AASIF MANDVI A record company used to be a very good thing, but they ended up soul-destroyingly trapping people i...
JOHN LYDON I couldn't wait to get on the ice. I couldn't wait to get to practice. As a kid, I couldn...
BOBBY ORR I faced a number of challenges whilst I built Biocon. Initially, I had credibility challenges where ...
KIRAN MAZUMDAR-SHAW If I couldn't read, I couldn't live.
DOUGLAS SIRK If 'Chicago Fire' goes for a long run, maybe I'll look for a place, but in my line of wo...
TAYLOR KINNEY When I was at school I used to scream in trains, in those concertina things between the carriages. I...
JANE BIRKIN When I used to go to Elvis's house was always a nightmare trying to get into the house because o...
JACKIE DESHANNON I don't think the government should be in the trailer-park business. I don't think they know...
BILLY GRAHAM You know, that's kind of the thing, I can't freestyle and I used to always wonder why I coul...
BUBBA SPARXXX I just start with a pencil and paper. I don't want something too trendy, too fashion-forward. I ...
JOHN MALKOVICH I love great locations in movies, and I couldn't believe I'd never seen a landfill on screen...
LUCY WALKER More flirtatious than me. I couldn't work it like she did.
BRITTANY DANIEL I never could stand losing. Second place didn't interest me. I had a fire in my belly.
TY COBB I couldn't kill a chicken, I couldn't kill a cow - I was a vegetarian too at that time - so ...
ELLEN BURSTYN I'm really not big on nationalism, to be honest with you. I really don't think it gets peopl...
DYLAN MORAN I wanted to disprove the notion that you couldn't open a great restaurant in a casino.
DAVID CHANG The best thing about being from Britain is that it's a melting pot of cultures, characters, and ...
GABRIELLA WILDE If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.
MITCH HEDBERG To me, searching for perfection isn't anywhere near as interesting as trying to find your own vo...
CHARLIE TROTTER My dad used to ignore me when I was a kid. He couldn't stand my voice, so he just used to ignore...
ALISON GOLDFRAPP If you had a friend you refused to talk to, eventually you couldn't keep calling that person a frien...
CRAIG GROESCHEL One time, I pranked my sister: I put red solo cups in her room on her floor and filled them with wat...
CAMERON DALLAS The pressure used to wear on me. I was on Twitter a couple years ago, and I couldn't handle it a...
BRYAN COGMAN For years, I swore I couldn't work out because my own sweat gave me a rash.
MARY KAY ANDREWS I think L.A. has got a great lifestyle, but I love New York. You couldn't do 'Broad City'...
DARREN STAR I lived in a country where I couldn't live where I wanted to live. I lived in a country where I ...
SIDNEY POITIER I will always be an actress. I couldn't see myself without acting. But I'd love to direct an...
KATE DEL CASTILLO You couldn't take football away from me, you couldn't take acting away from me.
DOUGRAY SCOTT Overall, we had about 50 meetings where the brothers would say that I couldn't do any solo recor...
SAMMY HAGAR I couldn't spell anything. I couldn't remember anything, but I could go to a movie and I kne...
QUENTIN TARANTINO I couldn't beat people with my strength; I don't have a hard shot; I'm not the quickest ...
WAYNE GRETZKY Who the heck is Donald Trump to fire me? I regret I didn't tell Donald Trump, 'You need to f...
SINBAD Australia was great. I would advise anybody to go there. In fact, if you couldn't live here, Aus...
JERRY LAWLER My dad couldn't connect to my wanting to be a filmmaker. He was very connected in entertainment,...
DOUG LIMAN I watch college basketball and sports in general. I'm also a runner. I live on the Upper West Si...
ADAM SILVER When I started out, there was so much work that I couldn't think of doing anything else. I would...
LATA MANGESHKAR I've been told that I'm incompetent, socially retarded, maladjusted. I still know that I cou...
DIABLO CODY Mazomanie doesn't even have a stoplight, so it doesn't do a lot. But the cheese curds there ...
SKYLAR GREY Working from home as a mother is the worst of everything. You don't have clear boundaries. The k...
KAREN FINERMAN I learned that the only way you are going to get anywhere in life is to work hard at it. Whether you...
CAITLYN JENNER When I got near teen age, I was so happy with my friends and the African-American culture that I cou...
JOHNNY OTIS I used to hear a lot that all I could do was hit a serve, I couldn't volley, I can't hit a b...
ANDY RODDICK I couldn't be luckier to wake up every morning and be so excited to get to work, even if it'...
CARLY CHAIKIN I found that quiet place in my home that is my place of refuge. I don't care if you got kids or ...
ROLAND MARTIN I literally can't get anywhere now without the map on my phone. I used to use an A-Z when I firs...
EMILY BERRINGTON I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing...
JOHNNY VEGAS I had people sleeping in front of my home. I couldn't go anywhere. It confronted me from the mom...
DAVID CASSIDY I busted out of the place in a hurry and went to a saloon and drank beer and said that for the rest ...
JIMMY BRESLIN This disease leaves people bedridden. I've gone through phases where I couldn't roll over in...
LAURA HILLENBRAND I can't wait to meet Steven Spielberg or Al Pacino again so I can say, 'I have to tell you h...
JIM RASH In terms of work I've always had a Bad Attitude in that I won't work anywhere which requires...
BRAM COHEN One quote isn't anywhere near enough to describe how much I love you.
MILAN STOJILOVIC I don't think the space station will ever do anything for exploration. Putting people up there f...
WALLY SCHIRRA The problem was the mask... couldn't be taken off... so much time has been on my face...
DEYTH BANGER We're leaving the House to people who either were born with a silver spoon in their mouth... or ...
JERRY LEWIS I couldn't live if I wasn't a designer.
BETSEY JOHNSON I used to run with Chris Nolan before he was 'Chris Nolan.' I remember when he was trying to...
DREW DAYWALT When I was in high school, I used to have breakfast with my grandpa every morning. He instilled a lo...
MATTHEW QUICK Anti-inflammatories always seemed to work well for my joints, but the problem was you couldn't t...
CAITLYN JENNER

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STEVEN WRIGHT I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
STEVEN WRIGHT I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you�...
STEVEN WRIGHT I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out...
STEVEN WRIGHT Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHT I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving...
STEVEN WRIGHT It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, mayb...
STEVEN WRIGHT