I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

I thought I'd begin by reading a sonnet by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.