I see dog stories as an antidote to the dire news that nothing is ever going to get better.

I can spend hours in a grocery store. I get so excited when I see food, I go crazy. I spend hours arranging my baskets so that everything fits in and nothing gets squashed. I'm really anal about it, actually.

I see parody as another form of comedy.

I see the Internet as the next big deal - I wanted to get in on it early on so I wouldn't get behind it all.

In my opinion, it has never been proven that food even has calories. When I bite into a hamburger, I see pickle and ketchup and bun and meat, but if there's a calorie in there, it must be hidden.

My dog's name is Tucker, and his DNA is unidentifiable and suspect.