I received a lot of complaints from parents who wrote and told me that their kids wouldn't go to sleep until our show was over. So I went on the air and told all the children watching to 'listen to their Uncle Miltie and go to bed right after the show.'


Milton Berle

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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.
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Money can't buy you happiness, but it helps you look for it in a lot more places.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the...
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Laughter is an instant vacation.
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If oppurtunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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Committee--a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's ...
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We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlel...
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.
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We owe a lot to Thomas Edison -- if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
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If it wasn't for the olives in his martinis, he'd starve to death!
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Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his h...
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Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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I live to laugh, and I laugh to live
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A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Wh...
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I'd rather be a 'could-be' if I cannot be an 'are' because a 'could-be' is a 'maybe' who is reaching...
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The art and science of asking questions is the source of all knowledge.
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The mind is its own place and in itself, can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.
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Love-quarrels oft in pleasing concord end.
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Virtue could see to do what Virtue would by her own radiant light, though sun and moon where in the ...
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No man who knows aught, can be so stupid to deny that all men naturally were born free.
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Who overcomes by force, hath overcome but half his foe.
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True it is that covetousness is rich, modesty starves.
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Deep-versed in books and shallow in himself.
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He that has light within his own clear breast May sit in the centre, and enjoy bright day: But he th...
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Death is the golden key that opens the palace of eternity.
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Who kills a man kills a reasonable creature, God's image, but thee who destroys a good book, kil...
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Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven.
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A good book is the precious lifeblood of a master spirit.
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He who reigns within himself and rules passions, desires, and fears is more than a king.
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Juet's journal frequently records how only a tiny quantity of alcohol was needed to get the Indians ...
GILES MILTON
He that has light within his own cleer brestMay sit ith center, and enjoy bright day,But he that hid...
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Indu'd With sanctity of reason.
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The end of learning is to know God, and out of that knowledge to love Him and imitate Him.
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Who overcomes By force, hath overcome but half his foe.
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The rising world of waters dark and deep.
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Let those who would write heroic poems make their life an heroic poem.
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None can love freedom heartily, but good men... the rest love not freedom, but license.
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Fear of change perplexes monarchs.
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O welcome pure-ey'd Faith, white-handed Hope, Thou hovering angel, girt with golden wings!
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If this fail, The pillar'd firmament is rottenness, And earth's base built on stubble.
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Experience, next, to thee I owe, Best guide; not following thee, I had remain'd In ignorance; ...
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What boots it at one gate to make defence, And at another to let in the foe?
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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
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Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.
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Dancing in the chequer'd shade.
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Come and trip it as ye go, On the light fantastic toe.
JOHN MILTON
Come, knit hands, and beat the ground In a light fantastic round.
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Solitude sometimes is best society.
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Long is the way and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light.
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And so sepúlchred in such pomp dost lie,
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What hath night to do with sleep?
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Concentrated power is not rendered harmless by the good intentions of those who create it.
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The power to do good is also the power to do harm.
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Such sweet compulsion doth in music lie.
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JOHN MILTON
Methinks I see in my mind a noble and puissant nation rousing herself like a strong man after sleep,...
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How charming is divine philosophy!
Not harsh and crabb
JOHN MILTON
When complaints are freely heard, deeply considered and speedily reformed, then is the utmost bound ...
JOHN MILTON
Peace has her victories which are no less renowned than war.
JOHN MILTON
License they mean when they cry liberty.
JOHN MILTON
Your ability to learn depends partly on your ability to relinquish what you've held.
MILTON HALL
Nor aught availed him now to have built in heaven high towers; nor did he scrape by all his engines,...
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And when night, darkens the streets, then wander forth the sons of Belial, flown with insolence and ...
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Thus Belial, with words clothed in reason's garb, counseled ignoble ease, and peaceful sloth, not pe...
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As good almost kill a man as kill a good book; who kills a man kills a reasonable creature, God's im...
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The economic miracle that has been the United States was not produced by socialized enterprises, by ...
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Good, the more communicated, more abundant grows.
JOHN MILTON
With thee conversing I forget all time.
JOHN MILTON
He who reins within himself and rules passions, desires, and fears is more than a king
JOHN MILTON
Accuse not nature, she hath done her part;
Do thou but thine, and be not diffident
Of wisdom, ...
JOHN MILTON
But wherefore thou alone? Wherefore with thee
Came not all hell broke loose? Is pain to them
L...
JOHN MILTON
Fame is no plant that grows on mortal soil.
JOHN MILTON
Not to know me argues yourselves unknown.
JOHN MILTON
Neither prosperity nor empire nor heaven can be worth winning at the price of a virulent temper, blo...
JOHN MILTON
Where no hope is left, is left no fear.
JOHN MILTON
Our country is where ever we are well off.
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What wisdom can there be to choose, what continence to forbear without the knowledge of evil? He tha...
JOHN MILTON
Governments never learn. Only people learn.
MILTON FRIEDMAN
Many people want the government to protect the consumer. A much more urgent problem is to protect th...
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A major source of objection to a free economy is precisely that group thinks they ought to want. Und...
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To be blind is not miserable; not to be able to bear blindness, that is miserable.
JOHN MILTON
O loss of sight, of thee I most complain! Blind among enemies, O worse than chains, dungeon or begga...
JOHN MILTON
When the waves are round me breaking,
As I pace the deck alone,
And my eye in vain is seeking<...
JOHN MILTON
Taste this, and be henceforth among the Gods thyself a Goddess.
JOHN MILTON
Consider Social Security. The young have always contributed to the support of the old. Earlier, the ...
MILTON FRIEDMAN
Reason also is choice.
JOHN MILTON
If even a small fraction of the money we now spend on trying to enforce drug prohibition were devote...
MILTON FRIEDMAN
Inflation is the one form of taxation that can be imposed without legislation.
MILTON FRIEDMAN
There was a time when we the U.S. had completely unrestricted immigration, when anybody could come t...
MILTON FRIEDMAN
For neither man nor angel can discern hypocrisy, the only evil that walks invisible, except to God a...
JOHN MILTON
This is the month, and this the happy morn, wherein the Son of heaven's eternal King, of wedded Maid...
JOHN MILTON
A man may be a heretic in the truth; and if he believe things only because his pastor says so, or th...
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It is not miserable to be blind; it is miserable to be incapable of enduring blindness.
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Prudence is the virtue by which we discern what is proper to do under various circumstances in time ...
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Biochemically, love is just like eating large amounts of chocolate.
JOHN MILTON
'Tis chastity, my brother, chastity. She that has that is clad in complete steel, and like a quivere...
JOHN MILTON
So dear to Heaven is saintly chastity,
That, when a soul is found sincerely so,
A thousand liv...
JOHN MILTON
What kind of society isn't structured on greed? The problem of social organization is how to set up ...
MILTON FRIEDMAN
Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
MILTON FRIEDMAN
The idea is in my head to put it down is nothing.
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Adam inquires concerning celestial motions, is doubtfully answered, and exhorted to search rather th...
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Lords are lordliest in their wine.
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Millions of spiritual creatures walk the earth unseen, both when we sleep and when we awake.
JOHN MILTON
From man or angel the great Architect did wisely to conceal, and not divulge his secrets to be scann...
JOHN MILTON
Sweet bird, that shun the noise of folly, most musical, most melancholy!
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Never try to walk across a river just because it has an average depth of four feet.
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Few sometimes may know, when thousands err.
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And, re-assembling our afflicted powers, consult how we may henceforth most offend.
JOHN MILTON
Tears such as angels weep.
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Awake, arise or be for ever fall’n.
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What needs my Shakespeare for his honoured bones,
The labor of an age in pilèd stones,
O...
JOHN MILTON
But he that hides a dark soul and foul thoughts benighted walks under the mid-day sun; Himself is hi...
JOHN MILTON
Govern well thy appetite, lest Sin Surprise thee, and her black attendant Death.
JOHN MILTON
In naked beauty more adorned More lovely than Pandora.
JOHN MILTON
Anarchy is the sure consequence of tyranny; or no power that is not limited by laws can ever be prot...
JOHN MILTON
If by fire Of sooty coal th' empiric alchymist Can turn, or holds it possible to turn, M...
JOHN MILTON
. . . and now expecting Each hour their great adventurer, from the search Of foreign words.
JOHN MILTON
He seemed For dignity compos'd and high exploit: But all was false and hollow.
JOHN MILTON
Far from all resort of mirth, / Save the cricket on the hearth!
JOHN MILTON
Thus I set my printless feet O'er the cowslip's velvet head, That bends not as I tread.
JOHN MILTON
Of herbs, and other country messes, Which the neat-handed Phillis dresses.
JOHN MILTON
In discourse more sweet, (For Eloquence the Sound, Song charmes the sense,) Others apart sat o...
JOHN MILTON
But first and chiefest, with thee bring Him that yon soars on golden wing, Guiding the fiery-w...
JOHN MILTON
While the cock with lively din Scatters the rear of darkness thin, And to the stack or the bar...
JOHN MILTON
So when the sun in bed, Curtain'd with cloudy red, Pillows his chin upon an orient wave.
JOHN MILTON
There does a sable cloud Turn forth her silver lining on the night, And casts a gleam over thi...
JOHN MILTON
Was I deceiv'd, or did a sable cloud Turn forth her silver lining on the night?
JOHN MILTON
This is the month, and this the happy morn, Wherein the Son of Heaven's eternal King, Of wedde...
JOHN MILTON
The Pilot of the Galilean Lake.
JOHN MILTON
A short retirement urges a sweet return.
JOHN MILTON
What does it mean to say that government might have a responsibility? Government can't have a respon...
MILTON FRIEDMAN
What reinforcement we may gain from hope; If not, what resolution from despair.
JOHN MILTON
When I consider how my light is spent
E're half my days, in this dark world and wide,
And that...
JOHN MILTON
Nothing profits more than self-esteem, grounded on what is just and right.
JOHN MILTON
Or stars of morning, dew-drops which the sun Impearls on every leaf and every flower.
JOHN MILTON
From morn To moon he fell, from noon to dewy eve, A summer's day; and with the setting sun ...
JOHN MILTON
So dear to Heaven is saintly chastity, That, when a soul is found sincerely so, A thousand liv...
JOHN MILTON
'Tis chastity, my brother, chastity; She that has that is clad in complete steel, And, like a ...
JOHN MILTON
'Tis Chastity, my brother, Chastity: She that has that, is clad in complete steel
JOHN MILTON
History suggests that capitalism is a necessary condition for political freedom
MILTON FRIEDMAN
Who kills a man kills a reasonable creature, God's image, but thee who destroys a goode booke, kills...
JOHN MILTON
O dark, dark, amid the blaze of noon, Irrecoverably dark! total eclipse, Without all hope of ...
JOHN MILTON