I realized that comedians of the day were operating on jokes and punch lines. The moment you say the punch line, the audience either laughs sincerely or they laugh automatically or they don't laugh. The thing that bothered me was that automatic laugh. I said, that's not real laughter.
Steve Martin
Related Comedians don't laugh. They're too busy analyzing why it's funny or not. JAMES LIPTON If you have the right voice and the right delivery, you're cocky enough, and you pound down on t... BUDDY HACKETT I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you ... SAM KINISON I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh beca... PAULA DEEN What if there were no punch lines? What if there were no indicators? What if I created tension and n... STEVE MARTIN If they were the jokes, I was the punch line. KIMBERLY NOVOSEL I don't care who's No. 1 on the call sheet or how big my trailer is. I care about the work. ... MARK HARMON Ninety-nine percent is in the delivery. If you have the right voice and the right delivery, you'... BUDDY HACKETT I don't have to come up with a ha-ha belly laugh every day, but drawings with warmth and love or... BIL KEANE Catharsis isn't art. You can't rely on catharsis to get a laugh. Because guess what? People ... MINDY KALING Comedy in America is very serious. Either they laugh, or they don't. GAD ELMALEH Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, tha... NORM MACDONALD I'm not good at telling a joke, but I can say a line in a certain way that makes people uncomfor... WALTON GOGGINS Even after the dehadhyas (the belief that 'I am the body') has gone, people will say, "I saw you eat... DADA BHAGWAN The two men had a conversation. Brief, cryptic, to the point. As though they had exchanged numbers a... ARUNDHATI ROY I just always loved stand-up. It's like magic. You say something, and a whole room full of peopl... DAVE CHAPPELLE Our show was - it remained - you know, kids could watch it and laugh at it. And they wouldn't kn... RUE MCCLANAHAN I love a girl that can make me laugh. I am not really a laugh-at-things type of guy and I don't ... JESSE MCCARTNEY Millions of people acknowledge today that they do not know the meaning of life. JAMES C. DOBSON I like the anonymity, the fact that you're a stranger making strangers laugh. You aren't for... TREVOR NOAH I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ... KELLY JONES The more pain that's referenced or implied, the deeper the laugh can be because the laughter hea... MIMI KENNEDY We laugh if its real. Its a joke if isn't real. I don't laugh much in jokes, because I know they are... EPHDAN Someone once said that to make a regular person laugh, you need to dress a guy up like an old lady a... TINA FEY On the field, you have to be aggressive; you're thinking how to get the better of a situation. I... YUVRAJ SINGH I seem to get into situations that make people laugh, but I don't consider myself that funny of ... NATHAN FIELDER I'd rather get a good clean laugh with good material, than an easy laugh by swearing or shocking... JIM DALE I have a suspicion that a lot of artists are trying to get a laugh but, unlike stand-ups, they don... ARTHUR SMITH Mike Myers as Austin Powers makes me laugh - that was genius - and Daffy Duck makes me laugh, but I ... NICOLAS CAGE I think laughter is the best medicine. If you can't laugh at yourself, then you can't laugh ... DAVID HASSELHOFF From inside where I live, I feel like I just perceive events in a certain rational way. I often find... MADELINE KAHN If you do one good thing, that doesn't define you either. Being around the kids in the juvenile ... RYAN GOSLING It's grueling never knowing if the audience is going to think you're funny. It's soul-de... VINCE VAUGHN The funniest people I know were, not necessarily troubled, but had a harder time in school or were s... KAITLIN OLSON In boxing, they say it's the punch you don't see coming that knocks you out. In the wider wo... KATHERINE DUNN I don't want to hear songs about how sunshiny things are. I don't like songs that feel like ... GARY ALLAN I found out that if you made people laugh, they like you. Most people got to like me because I made ... BUDDY HACKETT Something about not waiting for the laugh of a laugh track allows you to take lines that otherwise m... MITCHELL HURWITZ Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Scream, and everyone ignores you. ANTHONY T. HINCKS I asked him if it bothered him that I don't like baseball. He used to laugh, 'cause I'd say I'd stra... JODI OLSON I have seen and heard comedians who had really funny 'stuff' but yet could not make the peop... AL JOLSON I don't like the whole off-and-on thing. I don't like 'taking a break.' Either you... SELENA GOMEZ When I walk out on stage, I don't know who's in the audience. To me, in my little fat skull,... DAVE COULIER Laughter is the valve on the pressure cooker of life. Either you laugh and suffer, or you got your b... WAVY GRAVY He laughs. I like his laugh. I hate that I like his laugh. COLLEEN HOOVER It's a fun job, but it's stressful because you have to be funny. You have to have punch line... STEVE BREEN It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don... JIMMY CARR People wince when something is in bad taste. They laugh when it's funny. If it's too dirty o... MICHAEL PATRICK KING I definitely want people to laugh because I don't think there's a better feeling - I think i... KATE CLINTON The problem with some stars is that they lose perspective about correct adult behavior. People laugh... GARY GOETZMAN I have the gift of laughter. I can make people laugh at will. In good times and in bad. And that I d... BUDDY HACKETT I'm really not that funny in real life! But I am the best audience one could find. I love to lau... CAROL BURNETT What's funny is funny. The same thing that made you laugh a hundred years ago makes you laugh no... CHEVY CHASE The first purpose of comedy is to make people laugh. Anything deeper is a bonus. Some comedians want... TREVOR NOAH 'Big Bang Theory' is not my kind of show. It's not my humor. I don't like multicam c... ZACHARY KNIGHTON Food Allergies Are Not Due to Food, Rather Are Due to the Constant Contamination of That Food That Y... THEHEALTHFOODGURU A comic strip that your parents read when they were young is a curious thing: it's an heirloom, ... ELIZABETH MCCRACKEN My mother is an incredibly beautiful woman who has laughed at every single thing my father's eve... SETH MEYERS I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because th... STEVEN WRIGHT I always laugh the hardest at the stuff you see in day-to-day life. It's great when somebody can... LUKE WILSON Laugh. Laugh as much as you can. Laugh until you cry. Cry until you laugh. Keep doing it even if peo... ELLEN DEGENERES I was probably the best that ever walked this earth. And I could take a punch. I could deliver a pun... LARRY HOLMES ... sometimes in life, you either laugh or you cry. And I prefer to laugh. JIM STOVALL You get an audience to laugh and then show them something horrific, it's going to be even more h... GARY SHERMAN The only thing that I don't like is my kids watching comedy that isn't actually funny. There... STEPHEN COLBERT You learn to laugh at yourself, and you also lean on comedy as a crutch to kind of take the edge off... JOHN CENA Dramas make me laugh. The other day, I saw 'The Place Beyond the Pines,' and I was giggling ... NATHAN FIELDER I've found out why people laugh. They laugh because it hurts so much... because it's the only thing ... ROBERT A. HEINLEIN I think it's because it's so different and it takes risks. Plus, it's really smart humor... SARAH CHALKE I'm not just gonna go after the black Jesse Jackson they all want to make fun of, but I know the... CHRIS MATTHEWS I love a good laugh as well, I think that's so important in life, which is probably why I've... PAUL KANE I remember once, years ago, I met Sting, and he told me that he had seen 'Spinal Tap' 50 tim... ROB REINER I try to find a reason to laugh each day. Somehow, if you can incorporate laughter into your day, ev... FAITH HILL A friend once asked me what comedy was. That floored me. What is comedy? I don't know. Does anyb... STAN LAUREL I think there are different kinds of comedians, and I prefer the clowns who are going: 'I'm ... MIRANDA HART It's occurred to me I need to laugh at myself more, and that I don't need to be some sad fol... PATTY GRIFFIN You never saw Peter Sellers the actor trying to make you laugh. All he was doing was the character. ... STEVE CARELL I realized that cats make a perfect audience, they don't laugh at you, they never contradict you, th... ELLE NEWMARK I don't know what a supermodel is. If they call me that, I might have to punch them. It's ju... WARIS DIRIE If you watch kids looking at something on television, even something that's produced for them an... BILL COSBY My favorite thing to pass the time in the makeup chair is YouTube videos of talking cats. I don'... DOUG JONES That's the thing about leaks: sometimes they aren't misinterpreted or false. They're rea... COLIN TREVORROW Many, many years ago, I stood on the stage and told bad jokes and did Sophie Tucker as an impersonat... DON RICKLES A priest once quoted to me the Roman saying that a religion is dead when the priests laugh at each o... ALAN W. WATTS I always was trying to make people laugh as a kid. I was a big fan of Carol Burnett and Gilda Radner... LEAH REMINI The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I... MARJORIE PAY HINCKLEY My greatest fear is that the audience will beat me to the punch line. DAVID MAMET When people laugh at a company or say, 'This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard,' you ... FRED WILSON I think that artists, at a certain point, can either become defiant and say that the audience is wro... ADRIAN TOMINE I think a lot of people like hidden-camera shows where they think they're spying on somebody who... BETTY WHITE I believe in things that move people, if the audience isn't deeply caught up and moved to either... ESTELLE PARSONS My works were not - and they still aren't - single panel gags with a punch line underneath them.... ROZ CHAST Any audience that gets a laugh out of me gets it while I'm facing them. ETHEL MERMAN I've found out why people laugh. They laugh because it hurts... because its the only thing that'll m... ROBERT A. HEINLEIN I thought I would be a serious actor. But I soon realized that doing comedy gave me what I needed ou... SHENOAH ALLEN I like playing with that space between laughter and discomfort where your discomfort can also make y... HARI KONDABOLU You see, that's the whole point of being in government. If you don't like something you simply make ... RICHARD CURTIS 'Hee Haw' began about the same time as 'Laugh-In,' but the difference was that the m... KENNY PRICE There's something in the moment when you can make them laugh or cry and show and incredibly comp... GEDDE WATANABE Every now and then, someone will tell me that one of my books has made them laugh out loud. I never ... MARY ROACH
More Steve Martin
Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is. STEVE MARTIN I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't. STEVE MARTIN I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper. STEVE MARTIN When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way ... STEVE MARTIN I'm tired of wasting letters when punctuation will do, period. STEVE MARTIN I think I meant that, given the circumstances of my childhood, I had the illusion that it's easi... STEVE MARTIN What I mean is that none of my talents had a - what's that great word - rubric. A singer, an act... STEVE MARTIN Tweeting is really only good for one thing - it's just good for tweeting... It is rewarding, bec... STEVE MARTIN Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything! STEVE MARTIN I got a flue shot and now my chimney works perfectly. STEVE MARTIN What is a movie star? A movie star is many things. They can be tall, short, thin, or skinny. They ca... STEVE MARTIN I really enjoy finding the right word, creating a good, flowing sentence. I enjoy the rhythm of the ... STEVE MARTIN Everything is fraught with danger. I love technology and I love science. It's just always all in... STEVE MARTIN I did stand-up comedy for 18 years. Ten of those years were spent learning, four years were spent re... STEVE MARTIN I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. STEVE MARTIN Nothing I do is done by popular demand. STEVE MARTIN Well, excuuuuuse me! STEVE MARTIN What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke. STEVE MARTIN Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. STEVE MARTIN You want to be a bit compulsive in your art or craft or whatever you do. STEVE MARTIN I think there are people out there writing original bluegrass songs, but it's hard to get them o... STEVE MARTIN I feel good about being able to take bluegrass on to television like 'Letterman' and 'Th... STEVE MARTIN Well, excuuuuuse me!!!!. STEVE MARTIN If you've got a dollar and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've got 71 cents left; But if y... STEVE MARTIN A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working ... STEVE MARTIN Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be... STEVE MARTIN Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke. STEVE MARTIN Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent. STEVE MARTIN Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty. STEVE MARTIN Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is. STEVE MARTIN I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you... STEVE MARTIN Well, excuuuuuse me!!!! STEVE MARTIN Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is. STEVE MARTIN Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them. STEVE MARTIN First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. STEVE MARTIN A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. STEVE MARTIN I loved to make people laugh in high school, and then I found I loved being on stage in front of peo... STEVE MARTIN Be so good they can't ignore you. STEVE MARTIN The banjo is truly an American instrument, and it captures something about our past. STEVE MARTIN I love comedy. That's what got me into the arts. I don't even know how to categorize myself ... STEVE MARTIN I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic wilderness... STEVE MARTIN I'm enamored with the art world. Anytime you look at anything that's considered artistic, th... STEVE MARTIN Throughout my whole life, as a performer, I've never played with a band. I've always played ... STEVE MARTIN An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might ... STEVE MARTIN Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty. STEVE MARTIN Love is a promise delivered already broken. STEVE MARTIN You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's ... STEVE MARTIN There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won'... STEVE MARTIN I was raised with 'Laurel and Hardy' and 'I Love Lucy' and Jerry Lewis, and I just l... STEVE MARTIN I cringe at backstory. Because it never quite explains or gets into some psychological thing that is... STEVE MARTIN When I was in college, I was debating to try my hand at show business, or to become a professor. I j... STEVE MARTIN Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way. STEVE MARTIN I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. STEVE MARTIN There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't s... STEVE MARTIN Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol. STEVE MARTIN I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians.... STEVE MARTIN I was very interested in vaudeville. It was the only sort of discipline that was a five-minute act o... STEVE MARTIN Well, today the Grammys is much much better than the Oscars. I think the differences in the shows ar... STEVE MARTIN 'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' is a good one because it not only turned out, I think, to be a rea... STEVE MARTIN I just brush it off and try to make a joke about it. Over the years it's been interesting. STEVE MARTIN I'm enamored with the art world. STEVE MARTIN I was not naturally talented. I didn't sing, dance or act, though working around that minor deta... STEVE MARTIN There's a lot of thought in art. People get to talk about important things. There's a lot of... STEVE MARTIN When I first started doing my comedy act, I just desperately needed material. So I took literally ev... STEVE MARTIN Movies always are open to being remade because times change so much, and the tempo of movies changes... STEVE MARTIN I don't like to look back, and I'm always worried about the next thing rather than resting o... STEVE MARTIN I was always a huge fan of E. E. Cummings. He did a series of lectures at Harvard or Princeton, and ... STEVE MARTIN We've taken what was just once a racetrack and made it a multifaceted gaming destination for the ent... STEVE MARTIN I like all kinds of music. I listen to Abigail Washburn, the Punch Brothers, and Marc Johnson, the g... STEVE MARTIN I think when I was young, let's call it high school, and even before that, I just loved comedy, ... STEVE MARTIN I'm the leader of the platoon and I run gambling and lotteries, dances and I sell beer illegally. I'... STEVE MARTIN Comedians don't get Oscars, so I gave up on that a long time ago. And I can't really speak about the... STEVE MARTIN It doesn't behoove us not to ask these questions. It makes us look like fools. STEVE MARTIN When we started building out here, we knew this was where we were headed. After we built our first o... STEVE MARTIN It's hard to find the right expression for this, but her beauty that she keeps within, you know? The... STEVE MARTIN I'm happy with how the day has gone and we've made positive steps forward each time I've gone out. M... STEVE MARTIN By expressing his heart, anger and joy, Richard Pryor took comedy to its highest form. STEVE MARTIN It eventually appeared to be me, cinematically. When I was writing it I was actually an author, you ... STEVE MARTIN Lots of women are getting involved. They're not satisfied just being passengers anymore. STEVE MARTIN [On his breakthrough 1977 album] Let's Get Small, ... There's a million people onstage and everythin... STEVE MARTIN a pile of near-misses. STEVE MARTIN I would have felt a little funny if another actor was playing this role. STEVE MARTIN We're absolutely thrilled to be named as one of the Best Companies to Work for in Texas. It's an hon... STEVE MARTIN It's kind of a dream come true, because we've always loved these films. We've loved this character, ... STEVE MARTIN As a school board we felt it's an unfair expense to families. The lawsuit has a certain logic to it ... STEVE MARTIN We're going to look at it again in June, we just want to make sure we when we do increase purses we ... STEVE MARTIN These times are much franker. For example, in the first movie we have to assume that the daughter an... STEVE MARTIN The real joy is in constructing a sentence. But I see myself as an actor first because writing is wh... STEVE MARTIN First, my doctor told me the good news. He said I was going to have a disease named after me. STEVE MARTIN There was a point when I was around 14, STEVE MARTIN I believe in eight of the ten commandments; and I believe in going to church every Sunday unless the... STEVE MARTIN Owning a cat is a lot like being an American tourist in a fancy French restaurant- you will be overc... STEVE MARTIN I gave my cat a bath the other day. . .they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, if was fun for me.... STEVE MARTIN I would get records by Earl Scruggs... I would tune my banjo down and I'd pick out the songs not... STEVE MARTIN It's almost as if someone took a saltine cracker, crumbled it and threw it in the air. These casinos... STEVE MARTIN When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way of t... STEVE MARTIN We are comfortable, collectively, that those 12 [shootings] are related. STEVE MARTIN It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it: The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into th... STEVE MARTIN In my banjo show with the Steep Canyon Rangers, I do do comedy during that show. It'd be absurd ... STEVE MARTIN She had destroyed whatever was between us by making a profound gaffe: She met me. STEVE MARTIN With a cheery delicacy she divided my obsessions into three categories: acceptable, unacceptable, an... STEVE MARTIN I understood that as much as I had resisted the outside, as much as I had constricted my life, as mu... STEVE MARTIN I was reading an article in the 'New York Times;' it talked about being in the zone, and bei... STEVE MARTIN I couldn't see his face, because the light came in from behind him and he was in shadow, and he said... STEVE MARTIN So, I can hurt now, or hurt later. STEVE MARTIN ...a young man, Jamaican, perhaps, his head circled in a scarf with sunbleached dreadlocks on piled ... STEVE MARTIN I just believe that the interesting time in a career is pre-success, what shaped things, how did you... STEVE MARTIN . . . Now you see . . . they' re not fit for humans . . ." "Put them on me. STEVE MARTIN I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of soc... STEVE MARTIN Just to be on the front row here is a bit of a prize in itself. STEVE MARTIN You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosey, fucking, cheeks! Then you can gi... STEVE MARTIN There was a time in my life when I was very interested in relationship psychology. Relationships end... STEVE MARTIN I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't. STEVE MARTIN You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are ... STEVE MARTIN They're going to ask those questions. STEVE MARTIN It takes time though for owners and trainers to invest that additional purse money to start cultivat... STEVE MARTIN If she doesn't get an Academy Award nomination, I will kill myself. STEVE MARTIN Claire is actually younger in life than the role calls for, but her emotional knowledge continued to... STEVE MARTIN That's a device. I like to think about it as a little bit of a mystery ... the director describes it... STEVE MARTIN I just think they should get a fair shake. They didn't. They didn't have the rights regular criminal... STEVE MARTIN I am really happy to stay with FPR for next year, especially after the amount of progress that we ha... STEVE MARTIN There are some people that will not pick up a phone and call you, but if you knock on a door and tal... STEVE MARTIN I'm surprised even now that I was aware of things like that at that age. I don't know why. But I dec... STEVE MARTIN We are just happy that we are here in Brazil and that this was a good ending. STEVE MARTIN The environment changed with Martha Stewart and Enron, STEVE MARTIN I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal - high enough so you can look up her dress STEVE MARTIN I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic region cov... STEVE MARTIN Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy C... STEVE MARTIN A kiss may not be the truth, but it is what we wish were true STEVE MARTIN Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke STEVE MARTIN I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was. . . a large Arctic region covered wi... STEVE MARTIN Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy. STEVE MARTIN Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between mom... STEVE MARTIN Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Bil... STEVE MARTIN It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it s... STEVE MARTIN I loved doing 'Pennies from Heaven.' Because you have to understand that I'd been doing ... STEVE MARTIN You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are ... STEVE MARTIN Theories, for me, are just about freeing your mind. It doesn't mean the theory is going to work ... STEVE MARTIN L.A. is only where you live, because otherwise it's just a sprawling mass of everything, and I t... STEVE MARTIN You want to be a bit compulsive in your art or craft or whatever you do. You want to be focused on i... STEVE MARTIN You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither. STEVE MARTIN Had his room been facing west he would have noted the sparkling twenty-five-mile vista to the sea wh... STEVE MARTIN Free love, man, Free Love! Which, by the way, was the single greatest concept a young man has ever h... STEVE MARTIN Be tasteless, rude, and offensive, Live in a swamp and be three dimensional, Put a live ch... STEVE MARTIN Be pompous, obese, and eat cactus Be dull and boring and omnipresent Criticize things yo... STEVE MARTIN Carl Reiner. He had an entrenched sense of glee; he used humor as a gentle way of speaking difficult... STEVE MARTIN career in the irrational world of creativity not only made sense but had moral purpose. STEVE MARTIN Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between mom... STEVE MARTIN Doing comedy alone onstage is the ego's last stand. STEVE MARTIN These word games bothered and intrigued me. Appearing to be silly nonsense, on examination they were... STEVE MARTIN In logic class, I opened my textbook—the last place I was expecting to find comic inspiration—an... STEVE MARTIN In a sense, this book is not an autobiography but a biography, because I am writing about someone I ... STEVE MARTIN pinching my swollen fingers in between. Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one elemen... STEVE MARTIN One day I was particularly gloomy, and Jim asked me what the matter was. I told him my high school g... STEVE MARTIN Enjoyment while performing was rare—enjoyment would have been an indulgent loss of focus that come... STEVE MARTIN You’re nuts, but you’re welcome here. STEVE MARTIN I was seeking comic originality, and fame fell on me as a by-product. The course was more plodding t... STEVE MARTIN But my mother was aglow. She had a continuing fascination with celebrities, and now she had one of h... STEVE MARTIN ...teaching is, after all, a form of show business. STEVE MARTIN Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening. STEVE MARTIN It was easy to be great. Every entertainer has a night when everything is clicking. These nights are... STEVE MARTIN What if there were no punch lines? What if there were no indicators? What if I created tension and n... STEVE MARTIN Thankfully, perseverance is a great substitute for talent. STEVE MARTIN ...My father muttered something to me, and I responded with a mumbled "What". He shouted, "You heard... STEVE MARTIN In my opening seconds, I would say, "It's great to be here," then move to several other spots on the... STEVE MARTIN I opened the show with this line: "I have decided to give the greatest performance of my life! Oh, w... STEVE MARTIN But Carroll's were more convoluted, and they struck me as funny in a new way: 1) Babies a... STEVE MARTIN My most persistent memory of stand - up is of my mouth being in the present and my mind being in the... STEVE MARTIN How many people have never raised their hand before? STEVE MARTIN I have heard it said that a complicated childhood can lead to a life in the arts. I tell you this st... STEVE MARTIN Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: na�... STEVE MARTIN You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? Take them to a museum and say, 'This ... STEVE MARTIN I've heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone. STEVE MARTIN A nation or civilization that continues to produce soft-minded men purchases its own spiritual death... MARTIN Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love ca... MARTIN Everybody can be great.
Because anybody can serve..
You only need a heart full of grace.
A soul gene... MARTIN A man who won't die for something is not fit to live. MARTIN It would have been a lot of fun as a receiver to play. STEVE LARGENT YouTube is a platform, a distribution vehicle. STEVE CHEN We're allowing technology to take out the non-value-added manual elements of the McDonald's ... STEVE EASTERBROOK Ultimately, the bread and butter of McDonald's is delivering great service, great quality food, ... STEVE EASTERBROOK Take the crocodile, for example, my favorite animal. There are 23 species. Seventeen of those specie... STEVE IRWIN There's a waterfall of content that you're missing out on. STEVE CHEN The great thing is that the funny side of getting old is fuel for my comedy. STEVE COOGAN Snakes are just very instinctive to me. I've been playing with snakes since before I could walk.... STEVE IRWIN The first crocodile I ever caught was at nine years of age, and it was a rescue. STEVE IRWIN So fear helps me from making mistakes, but I make lot of mistakes. STEVE IRWIN No, snakes are no problem. I'd go to any country, anywhere, any snakes, not a problem. STEVE IRWIN I believe sustainable use is the greatest propaganda in wildlife conservation at the moment. STEVE IRWIN I sincerely believe that there's room for cutting down trees for forestry and grazing, so as we ... STEVE IRWIN That might have a lot to do with it, but you know, I probably don't show fear, but I suffer from... STEVE IRWIN We've evolved from sitting back on our tripods and shooting wildlife films like they have been s... STEVE IRWIN Every cent we earn from Crocodile Hunter goes straight back into conservation. Every single cent. STEVE IRWIN The only animals I'm not comfortable with are parrots, but I'm learning as I go. I'm get... STEVE IRWIN When I talk to the camera, mate, it's not like I'm talking to the camera, I'm talking to... STEVE IRWIN No matter where you go and what you do in America, you turn the tele on and you're confronted wi... STEVE IRWIN I am optimistic globally. So many scientists are working frantically on the reparation of our planet... STEVE IRWIN Crikey means gee whiz, wow! STEVE IRWIN Yeah, I'm a thrill seeker, but crikey, education's the most important thing. STEVE IRWIN Where I live if someone gives you a hug it's from the heart. STEVE IRWIN