I realize that some of you may have come in hopes of hearing tips on how to become a professional writer. I say to you, "If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don't have the nerve to be a homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts. But do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites, standing for absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college.
Kurt Vonnegut
Related Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transve... KURT VONNEGUT Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite herma... KURT VONNEGUT Follow your bliss. If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track t... JOSEPH CAMPBELL People always ask me "Son what does it take To reach out and touch your dreams?" To t... TIM MCGRAW To express is to drive. And when you want to give something presence, you have to consult n... LOUIS KAHN DON'T SAY, DO Do not say things You think I want to hear. Instead, S... SUZY KASSEM Did I Not Say To You Did I not say to you, “Go not there, for I am your friend; in this... JALALUDDIN MEVLANA RUMI THE INVITATION by Oriah Mountain Dreamer It doesn't interest me what you do for a li... ORIAH MOUNTAIN DREAMER You start dying slowly if you do not travel, if you do not read, If you do not lis... MARTHA MEDEIROS The Type Everyone needs a place. It shouldn't be inside of someone else. -Richard Siken SARAH KAY when you walk, you look like you’re trying to disappear. your back is gonna be fucked up. CAITLYN SIEHL You say I am repeating Something I have said before. I shall say it again. Shall I say it... T.S. ELIOT That thing you thought you'd do You start to think you can't; You always say tomorrow, MARGO T. ROSE Better associations __________________ If you associate yourself with a change maker... ISRAELMORE AYIVOR To know the way, we go the way, we do the way. The way we do, the things we do... BENJAMIN HOFF Do you want a cookie? - What? - A cookie. Like an Oreo. Do you want one? - No. -... NICHOLAS SPARKS May your love for me be like the scent of the evening sea drifting in thr... SANOBER KHAN Better Associations: If you associate yourself with a change maker, Your life will b... ISRAELMORE AYIVOR You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. but mostly... DR. SEUSS Tina returns from the bathroom and climbs into bed with a question in her eye. "I want to talk ... SACHA HAUGHTEE Dear Fellow Human Being, You are born wild, You do not deserve to be tamed! Te... JASZ GILL Harry’s letter to his daughter: If I could give you just one thing, I’d want it to be... HARRY BROWNE I want you to tell me about every person you’ve ever been in love with. Tell me why you loved... ANDREA GIBSON Never say I love you If you really don't care. Never talk about feelings If they... ANON. There's nothing you can do that can't be done Nothing you can sing that can't be sung. No... JOHN LENNON Is it odd, my love, that I envy others who have not met you for the intoxication t... KAMAND KOJOURI You do not have to be beautiful. You do not even have to be intelligent. All you have to d... KAMAND KOJOURI May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are me... TERESA OF ÁVILA Dear Fellow Human Being, You are born wild, You do not deserve to be tamed! Te... JASZ GILL O woman, father says natural is beautiful so why do you redden your cheeks and blac... KAMAND KOJOURI I am dead because I lack desire, I lack desire because I think I possess, I think I posses... RENé DAUMAL What I like doing best is Nothing." "How do you do Nothing," asked Pooh after he had wond... A.A. MILNE The job is what you do when you are told what to do. The job is showing up at the factory, following... SETH GODIN (Frances has gotten out of bed again and come to her parents' room...) 'How can the wind have a... RUSSELL HOBAN The best thing you can do for your kids is to show them God working in you on a daily basis. CRAIG GROESCHEL Make a memory with your children, Spend some time to show you care; Toys and trinkets can't ... ELAINE HARDT Girl, bite. Girl, devour. Girl, don't forgive. Girl, stay angry. Girl, be selfish. Girl, w... CAITLYN SIEHL My advice to writers just starting out? Don't use semi-colons! They are transvestite hermaphrodites,... KURT VONNEGUT You have your reasons to say what you have to say ; I have my reasons to say what I have to say. ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH Do you really want to know why you lost?” I asked. “Do you really have an answer?” he cou... MARIA V. SNYDER Classroom teaching withholds nothing. I say to my young students every year, “I know how to add tw... MARGARET EDSON Put down your glass, it is time to dance. If you want to get drunk all you need is... KAMAND KOJOURI The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. Any time you tolerate... COLIN POWELL Of everything I have seen, it's you I want to go on seeing: of everything I've touched, ... PABLO NERUDA What happiness? Here we have a kind of what they call a multiple choice question. 1 MINUTO NA PALMA DA MãO how far have you walked for men who’ve never held your feet in their laps? how often have you... WARSAN SHIRE They tell us the only way to move on is to forget. “Forgive,” they say. Realise ... KAMAND KOJOURI This is your last chance to do the right thing.' 'Do you want to attack first, or will I?' DEREK LANDY You may not remember the time you let me go first. Or the time you dropped back to tell me it ... BRIAN ANDREAS May you find serenity and tranquility in a worl... SANDRA STURTZ HAUSS You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles thro... MARY OLIVER They keep telling you, when you’re older, you’ll have experience—and that’s supposed to be s... CHRISTOPHER ISHERWOOD Do you remember all of your audiences?" Marco asks. "Not all of them," Celia says. "But I reme... ERIN MORGENSTERN And now, Henry," said Miss Tilney, "that you have made us understand each other, you may as well mak... JANE AUSTEN There is a club in this world that you do not join knowingly. One day you are just a memb... JOHNA PASSARO I have brought peace to this land, and security," he began. "And what of your soul, when ... IAIN PEARS How everyone is struggling for something. Trying to keep the balance. Struggling to find... ASH PARSONS Before I tell you, I have to know three things," I said. "Okay." "One, are you sitting dow... DARYNDA JONES i do not want to have you to fill the empty parts of me i want to be full on my own <... RUPI KAUR I want to see you. Know your voice. Recognize you when you first come 'ro... JALALUDDIN MEVLANA RUMI How do you feel when you want to stand and you see yourself on the floor? Sometimes what God wi... PATIENCE JOHNSON Do not shed tears when I have gone but smile instead because I have lived.
Do not shut your eye... DAVID HARKINS If only you would realize some day, how much have you hurt me, If only your heart ever, craves ... MEHEK BASSI Sending out the Disciples Luke 10 1: AFTER THESE THINGS THE LORD APPOINTED O... SWAMI DHYAN GITEN If you have form'd a circle to go into, Go into it yourself, and see how you would do. The... WILLIAM BLAKE Dignity /ˈdignitē/ noun 1. The moment you realize that the person you cared for h... SHANNON L. ALDER Do you have a Wish?' he asked, referring to this organization, The Genie Foundation, which is in the... JOHN GREEN Being a victim is supposed to set you free; it acquits you of any agency, any sense of responsibilit... NENIA CAMPBELL I have come to your group for somewhere to belong, I promise I shall adapt before too long, ELISE ICTEN How I go to the woods Ordinarily, I go to the woods alone, with not a single ... MARY OLIVER Love the quick profit, the annual raise, vacation with pay. Want more of everything ready-... WENDELL BERRY Gift giving is a true art. 1. You need to understand the person to whom you intend to giv... VERA NAZARIAN As you set out on your journey to Ithaca, pray that your journey be a long one, filled wit... BARRY B. POWELL The Way It Is There’s a thread you follow. It goes among things that change. But i... WILLIAM STAFFORD I am Shiloh, whose box you stole. Your godmother's sickness lies in your own keeping, you can heal h... A.E. COPPARD A Woman's Question Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing Ever made by t... JOSHUA HARRIS Is this some kind of joke?" "That's for me to know and you to find out." "Mayb... KURT VONNEGUT Did you know sometimes it frightens me-- when you say my name and I can't see you? will yo... EMILIE AUTUMN No sight so sad as that of a naughty child," he began, "especially a naughty little girl. Do you kno... CHARLOTTE BRONTë I think of you often and make no outward show, But what it means to lose you, no one will ... ANON. Do not hold your breath for anyone, Do not wish your lungs to be still, It may delay the c... ERIN HANSON Are you the new person drawn toward me? To begin with, take warning - I am surely far different... WALT WHITMAN HARRY: Voldemort is going to kill my mum and dad — and there’s nothing I can do to stop him. J.K. ROWLING Some times in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow. But, if we are wise, we know that... AL GREEN Dont GiVe UP iF U StIll WaNna TrY* DonT WIpE YOUR TeARS IF YOU StiLL WANT TO Cry DON'T SET... TRENT REZNOR Amor" So many days, oh so many days seeing you so tangible and so close, how do... PABLO NERUDA You do not seem to realize that beauty is a liability rather than an asset - that in view ... MARIANNE MOORE It offends me when you doubt my love. These jealousies are unwarranted. If only you lived ... KAMAND KOJOURI We can end this before anyone gets hurt." William held his hands out to sides as if to show her he w... MELISSA MARR On behalf of Soumya.. You can love me You can hate me You can take me You ... BINTMALOL On behalf of Soumya.. -Zainab Zubair Malol You can love me You can hate me You c... BINTMALOL Are you nervous?"... "A little." "Do you want to stop?" "No, just go slow." ... SAVANNAH STUART You need to trust To surrender To ask for guidance Go within for the answers The... KAREN HACKEL Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself... KAHLIL GIBRAN It’s one thing to have a support system in your life to cheer you on during the instances whe... ALICIA COOK Every day is getting worse Do the same things and they hurt I don't know if I should cry GRACE NORWICH What do you want me to do? Arrest them all?” “When you can, absolutely.” G.S. JENNSEN Unless you have the courage to say ‘no’ to the things you don’t want, it’s ha... DOMONIQUE BERTOLUCCI DADDY You do not do, you do not do Any more, black shoe In which I have lived l... SYLVIA PLATH I have heard all that you have had to say to me on your problems. You ask me what to do about t... IDRIES SHAH
More Kurt Vonnegut
My cash cows, the slick magazines, were put out of business by TV. KURT VONNEGUT I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the ki... KURT VONNEGUT Oh, sure, we have another world war coming, and another great depression, but where are the leaders ... KURT VONNEGUT Lot's wife, of course, was told not to look back where all those people and their homes had been... KURT VONNEGUT If you are an American, you must allow all ideas to circulate freely in your community, not merely y... KURT VONNEGUT There is love enough in this world for everybody, if people will just look. KURT VONNEGUT I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep. KURT VONNEGUT I let the dog out, or I let him in, and we talk some. I let him know I like him, and he lets me know... KURT VONNEGUT If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind. KURT VONNEGUT I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different. KURT VONNEGUT Human beings will be happier - not when they cure cancer or get to Mars or eliminate racial prejudic... KURT VONNEGUT What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thin... KURT VONNEGUT Everyone now knows how to find the meaning of life within himself. But mankind wasn't always so ... KURT VONNEGUT People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order so they'll h... KURT VONNEGUT If somebody says, I love you, to me, I feel as though I had a pistol pointed at my head. What can an... KURT VONNEGUT I get up at 7:30 and work four hours a day. Nine to twelve in the morning, five to six in the evenin... KURT VONNEGUT Thinking doesn't seem to help very much. The human brain is too high-powered to have many practical ... KURT VONNEGUT What war has always been is a puberty ceremony. It's a very rough one, but you went away a boy and c... KURT VONNEGUT The two real political parties in America are the Winners and the Losers. The people don't acknowled... KURT VONNEGUT Being American is to eat a lot of beef steak, and boy, we've got a lot more beef steak than any othe... KURT VONNEGUT ... this is a hard world to be ludicrous in, with so many human beings so reluctant to laugh, so inc... KURT VONNEGUT The feeling about a soldier is, when all is said and done, he wasn't really going to do very much wi... KURT VONNEGUT We are all what we pretend to be, but, we had better be very careful what we pretend. KURT VONNEGUT I was taught that the human brain was the crowning glory of evolution so far, but I think it's a ver... KURT VONNEGUT I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds o... KURT VONNEGUT We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. KURT VONNEGUT Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than befo... KURT VONNEGUT People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order, so they'll have... KURT VONNEGUT There is no order in the world around us, we must adapt ourselves to the requirements of chaos inste... KURT VONNEGUT There's only one me, and I'm stuck with him. KURT VONNEGUT I have been a soreheaded occupant of a file drawer labeled Science Fiction and I would like out, par... KURT VONNEGUT Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be. KURT VONNEGUT Artists use frauds to make human beings seem more wonderful than they really are. Dancers show us hu... KURT VONNEGUT There are plenty of good reasons for fighting, I said, but no good reason ever to have without reser... KURT VONNEGUT Life happens too fast for you ever to think about it. If you could just persuade people of this, but... KURT VONNEGUT It was a thunderingly beautiful experience -- voluptuous, sexual, dangerous, and expensive as hell. KURT VONNEGUT We would be a lot safer if the Government would take its money out of science and put it into astrol... KURT VONNEGUT Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why. KURT VONNEGUT Still and all, why bother? Here's my answer. Many people need desperately to receive this messag... KURT VONNEGUT Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to rem... KURT VONNEGUT I have no degree in biochemistry, neither do I have one in mechanical engineering, as the Army saw f... KURT VONNEGUT True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the countr... KURT VONNEGUT What troubles me most about my lovely country is that its children are seldom taught that American f... KURT VONNEGUT Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since... KURT VONNEGUT We could have saved the Earth but we were too damned cheap. KURT VONNEGUT There is no reason why good cannot triumph as often as evil. The triumph of anything is a matter of ... KURT VONNEGUT I think a lot of people, including me, clammed up when a civilian asked about battle, about war. It ... KURT VONNEGUT There is never a shortage anywhere of lawyers eager to attack the First Amendment, as though it were... KURT VONNEGUT I now make my living by being impolite. I am clumsy at it. KURT VONNEGUT If you appear in the 'Atlantic' or 'Harper's' or the 'New Yorker,' by Go... KURT VONNEGUT It is a big temptation to me, when I create a character for a novel, to say that he is what he is be... KURT VONNEGUT About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilitie... KURT VONNEGUT It was very lucky for me as a writer that I studied the physical sciences rather than English. I wro... KURT VONNEGUT I am honorary President of the American Humanist Society, having succeeded the late, great science f... KURT VONNEGUT This is Sunday, and the question arises, what'll I start tomorrow? KURT VONNEGUT Evolution can go to hell as far as I am concerned. What a mistake we are. We have mortally wounded t... KURT VONNEGUT The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Pra... KURT VONNEGUT I was not an anthropology student prior to the war. I took it up as part of a personal readjustment ... KURT VONNEGUT I think big business is a terrible thing for the spirit of the country, as our spirit is the best th... KURT VONNEGUT When I'm being funny, I try not to offend. I don't think much of what I've done has been... KURT VONNEGUT The feeling about a soldier is, when all is said and done, he wasn't really going to do very muc... KURT VONNEGUT Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be. -Kurt Vonnegut. KURT VONNEGUT People don't come to church for preachments, of course, but to daydream about God. KURT VONNEGUT I was taught that the human brain was the crowning glory of evolution so far, but I think it's a... KURT VONNEGUT I was a chemistry major, but I'm always winding up as a teacher in English departments, so I'... KURT VONNEGUT I really wonder what gives us the right to wreck this poor planet of ours. KURT VONNEGUT Unusual travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God. KURT VONNEGUT I can have oodles of charm when I want to. KURT VONNEGUT Charm was a scheme for making strangers like and trust a person immediately, no matter what the char... KURT VONNEGUT The chief weapon of sea pirates, however, was their capacity to astonish. Nobody else could believe,... KURT VONNEGUT New knowledge is the most valuable commodity on earth. The more truth we have to work with, the rich... KURT VONNEGUT 1492. As children we were taught to memorize this year with pride and joy as the year people began l... KURT VONNEGUT I think that novels that leave out technology misrepresent life as badly as Victorians misrepresente... KURT VONNEGUT Humor is an almost physiological response to fear. KURT VONNEGUT Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite herma... KURT VONNEGUT There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. Th... KURT VONNEGUT Thanks to TV and for the convenience of TV, you can only be one of two kinds of human beings, either... KURT VONNEGUT One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have ... KURT VONNEGUT Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than befo... KURT VONNEGUT Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand KURT VONNEGUT Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith, I consider a capacity for it terri... KURT VONNEGUT Life happens too fast for you ever to think about it. If you could just persuade people of this, but... KURT VONNEGUT If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind. KURT VONNEGUT Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than befo... KURT VONNEGUT Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person... KURT VONNEGUT I say in speeches that a plausible mission of artists is to make people appreciate being alive at le... KURT VONNEGUT I am eternally grateful.. for my knack of finding in great books, some of them very funny books, rea... KURT VONNEGUT How nice--to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive. KURT VONNEGUT All time is all time. It does not change. It does not lend itself to warnings or explanations. It si... KURT VONNEGUT Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in ... KURT VONNEGUT A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved. KURT VONNEGUT Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn't mean we deserve to co... KURT VONNEGUT We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be. KURT VONNEGUT Well, the telling of jokes is an art of its own, and it always rises from some emotional threat. The... KURT VONNEGUT During my three years in Vietnam, I certainly heard plenty of last words by dying American footsoldi... KURT VONNEGUT Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintena... KURT VONNEGUT Here's what I think the truth is: We are all addicts of fossil fuels in a state of denial, about to ... KURT VONNEGUT Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remed... KURT VONNEGUT I want to congratulate librarians,...who, all over this country, have staunchly resisted anti-democr... KURT VONNEGUT I'm screamingly funny, you know, I really am in the books. And that helps because I'm funnie... KURT VONNEGUT Puny man can do nothing at all to help or please God Almighty, and Luck is not the hand of God. KURT VONNEGUT I had no talent for science. What was infinitely worse: all my fraternity brothers were engineers. KURT VONNEGUT All time is all time. It does not change. It does not lend itself to warnings or explanations. It si... KURT VONNEGUT Human beings will be happier - not when they cure cancer or get to Mars or eliminate racial prejudic... KURT VONNEGUT Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand. KURT VONNEGUT The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet... KURT VONNEGUT Science sent the Hubble telescope out into space, so it could capture light and the absence thereof,... KURT VONNEGUT As a Humanist, I love science. I hate superstition, which could never have given us A-bombs. KURT VONNEGUT The statue was of a nude woman playing a slide trombone. It was entitles, enigmatically, Evelyn and ... KURT VONNEGUT I consider anybody a twerp who hasn't read 'Democracy in America' by Alexis de Tocquevil... KURT VONNEGUT Younger scientists are extremely sensitive to the moral implications of all they do. KURT VONNEGUT All these people talk so eloquently about getting back to good old-fashioned values. Well, as an old... KURT VONNEGUT To be is to do - Socrates To do is to be - Sartre Do Be Do Be Do - Sinatra KURT VONNEGUT Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet an... KURT VONNEGUT If you want to really hurt you parents, and you don't have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do... KURT VONNEGUT But I have to say this in defense of humankind: In no matter what era in history, including the Gard... KURT VONNEGUT And I apologize to all of you who are the same age as my grandchildren. And many of you reading this... KURT VONNEGUT Our government's got a war on drugs. That's certainly better then no drugs at all. KURT VONNEGUT Electronic communities build nothing. You wind up with nothing. We are dancing animals. How beautifu... KURT VONNEGUT If you actually are an educated, thinking person, you will not be welcome in Washington, D.C. I know... KURT VONNEGUT Only nut cases want to be president. This was true even in high school. Only clearly disturbed peopl... KURT VONNEGUT Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. ... KURT VONNEGUT Socialism" is no more an evil word than "Christianity." Socialism no more prescribed Joseph Stalin a... KURT VONNEGUT I don't reveal to her that I love her. I keep poker faced. She might as well be looking at a cantalo... KURT VONNEGUT The biggest truth to face now – what is probably making me unfunny now for the remainder of my lif... KURT VONNEGUT When a couple has an argument nowadays they may think it s about money or power or sex or how to rai... KURT VONNEGUT I was once asked if I had any ideas for a really scary reality TV show. I have one reality show that... KURT VONNEGUT I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds ... KURT VONNEGUT Music is, to me, proof of the existence of God. It is so extraordinarily full of magic, and in tough... KURT VONNEGUT So I went to New York City to be born again. It was and remains easy for most Americans to go somewh... KURT VONNEGUT That is how you get to be a writer, incidentally: you feel somehow marginal, somehow slightly off-ba... KURT VONNEGUT The worst thing that could possibly happen to anybody would be to not be used for anything by anybod... KURT VONNEGUT Until you die .. it's all life. KURT VONNEGUT Round and round we spin, with feet of lead and wings of tin. KURT VONNEGUT We could have saved [the Earth] but we were too damned cheap. KURT VONNEGUT All right - I'll tell you what you did for me: you went for happy, silly, beautiful walks with me. KURT VONNEGUT You can't just eat good food. You've got to talk about it too. And you've got to talk about it to so... KURT VONNEGUT Dear future generations: Please accept our apologies. We were rolling drunk on petroleum. KURT VONNEGUT And so it goes... KURT VONNEGUT It may be that the most striking thing about members of my literary generation in retrospect will be... KURT VONNEGUT So, in the interests of survival, they trained themselves to be agreeing machines instead of thinkin... KURT VONNEGUT I am from a family of artists. Here I am, making a living in the arts. It has not been a rebellion. ... KURT VONNEGUT If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph: THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED FOR THE... KURT VONNEGUT For some reason, the most vocal Christians among us never mention the Beatitudes (Matthew 5). But, o... KURT VONNEGUT The fortifications have never been attacked, nor has any sane man ever proposed any reason why they ... KURT VONNEGUT Bertrand Russell declared that, in case he met God, he would say to Him, "Sir, you did not give us e... KURT VONNEGUT Be aware of this truth that the people on this earth could be joyous, if only they would live ration... KURT VONNEGUT The most radical, audacious thing to think is that there might be some point to working hard and thi... KURT VONNEGUT Fear hadn’t come to him yet. Pain hadn’t come where pain would come. There was only the feeling ... KURT VONNEGUT And I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep. KURT VONNEGUT I still catch myself feeling blue about things that don't matter anymore. KURT VONNEGUT There was a still life on Billy's bedside table-two pills, an ashtray with three lipstick-stained ci... KURT VONNEGUT The book was Maniacs in the Fourth Dimension, by Kilgore Trout. It was about people whose mental dis... KURT VONNEGUT There is one other book, that can teach you everything you need to know about life... it's The Broth... KURT VONNEGUT All this happened, more or less. KURT VONNEGUT Here's the news: I am going to sue the Brown & Williamson Tobacco Company, manufacturers of Pall... KURT VONNEGUT Only in books do we learn what’s really going on. KURT VONNEGUT The truth is, we know so little about life, we don't really know what the good news is and what the ... KURT VONNEGUT Life is no way to treat an animal. KURT VONNEGUT A saint is a person who behaves decently in a shockingly indecent society. KURT VONNEGUT To practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it. KURT VONNEGUT In case you haven't noticed, as the result of a shamelessly rigged election in Florida, in which tho... KURT VONNEGUT I wanted all things To seem to make some sense, So we could all be happy, yes, Instea... KURT VONNEGUT Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transve... KURT VONNEGUT Do you realize that all great literature is all about what a bummer it is to be a human being? Isn't... KURT VONNEGUT I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different. KURT VONNEGUT And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'I... KURT VONNEGUT Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly; Man got to sit and wonder 'why, why, why?' Tiger got t... KURT VONNEGUT If somebody says 'I love you' to me, I feel as though I had a pistol pointed at my head. What can an... KURT VONNEGUT All moments, past, present and future, always have existed, always will exist. KURT VONNEGUT Live by the foma* that make you brave and kind and healthy and happy. *Harmless untruths KURT VONNEGUT profanity and obscenity entitle people who don't want unpleasant information to close their ears and... KURT VONNEGUT Sometimes I think that's the trouble with the world: too many people in high places who are stone-co... KURT VONNEGUT One might be led to suspect that there were all sorts of things going on in the Universe which he or... KURT VONNEGUT The church, which squatted among the headstones like a wet mother dodo, had been at various times Pr... KURT VONNEGUT This person has just arrived on this planet, knows nothing about it, has no standards by which to ju... KURT VONNEGUT My advice to writers just starting out? Don't use semi-colons! They are transvestite hermaphrodites,... KURT VONNEGUT People don't come to church for preachments, of course, but to daydream about God. KURT VONNEGUT Vietnam was an exercise in mistaken idealism; Iraq in cynical money-making. And there's no optimism ... KURT VONNEGUT I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the ki... KURT VONNEGUT This is a beguiling book, KURT VONNEGUT and I'm whistling as beautifully as I can. KURT VONNEGUT Here is the solution to the American drug problem suggested a couple years back by the wife of our P... KURT VONNEGUT The year was 2081, and everyone was finally equal. KURT VONNEGUT The human beings also passed canteens, which guards would fill with water. When food came in, the hu... KURT VONNEGUT What he meant, of course, was that there would always be wars, that they were as easy to stop as gla... KURT VONNEGUT Well, I know," she said. "You'll pretend you were men instead of babies, and you'll be played in the... KURT VONNEGUT I am a very bad scientist. I will do anything to make a human being feel better, even if it's unscie... KURT VONNEGUT The troops and their ladies had first drunk champagne. There were also remains of sandwiches, and I ... KURT VONNEGUT Americans... are forever searching for love in forms it never takes, in places it can never be. It m... KURT VONNEGUT It is a very mixed blessing to be brought back from the dead. KURT VONNEGUT I asked this heroic pet lover how it felt to have died for a schnauzer named Teddy. Salvador Biagian... KURT VONNEGUT Swoopers write a story quickly, higgledy-piggledy, crinkum-crankum, any which way. Then they go over... KURT VONNEGUT The bounties of space, of infinite outwardness, were three: empty heroics, low comedy, and pointless... KURT VONNEGUT Don't worry about your father. He's a perfectly contented, self-sufficient zombie. KURT VONNEGUT How nice -- to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive. KURT VONNEGUT If you can do no good, at least do no harm. KURT VONNEGUT Since Alice had never received any religious instruction, and since she had led a blameless life, sh... KURT VONNEGUT There are no telegraphs on Tralfamadore. But you're right: each clump of symbols is a brief, urgent ... KURT VONNEGUT Unfortunately, that still leaves plenty of Americans who don't read much or think much -- who will s... KURT VONNEGUT