I know, the only intolerance I have is vegetables, mainly asparagus.

The chef turned back to the housekeeper. “Why is there doubt about the relations between Monsieur and Madame Rutledge?”

The sheets,” she said succinctly.

Jake nearly choked on his pastry. “You have the housemaids spying on them?” he asked around a mouthful of custard and cream.

Not at all,” the housekeeper said defensively. “It’s only that we have vigilant maids who tell me everything. And even if they didn’t, one hardly needs great powers of observation to see that they do not behave like a married couple.”

The chef looked deeply concerned. “You think there’s a problem with his carrot?”

Watercress, carrot—is everything food to you?” Jake demanded.

The chef shrugged. “Oui.”

Well,” Jake said testily, “there is a string of Rutledge’s past mistresses who would undoubtedly testify there is nothing wrong with his carrot.”

Alors, he is a virile man . . . she is a beautiful woman . . . why are they not making salad together?

Live by the farm and you will have plenty of of fruits and vegetables to eat

Angel food cake could never be the food legitimate angels eat, because in heaven you can eat steak and chocolate and very expensive cheese. The angels who feed on this cake are the kind that show up in Thomas Kinkade paintings or sing backup for Corey Feldman.

Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We’re supposed to be exercising.

Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!