I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.
Steven Wright
Related
I haven't any wisdom - just a child like everybody else. I'm not as great as Frank Lloyd Wri...
PHILIP JOHNSON I still feel like the same girl who grew up in Albion Park. I'm such a family girl. I haven'...
CASEY EASTHAM I've read that Steven Wright's style was born out of genuine nervousness.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA I like sports. I'm a big football fan. When I was a kid, I was a... I don't even know how to...
BRIAN DENNEHY I'm older than I was, and I'm still washed-up, and I haven't changed my music one iota. ...
BEN FOLDS When I'm in the studio, I'm looking for creativity I haven't matched yet, a feeling I ha...
KENDRICK LAMAR I'm the same guy I've always been. I'm the same guy now as when I was hitting 50 home ru...
DAVID ORTIZ I had more energy at 50. On the other hand, at 75, I've probably got a little more wisdom and go...
TED TURNER Sleep is so important. I think more important than we know. When I haven't slept, I'm not my...
ELSA HOSK I don't have specific music for when I'm writing. I'm usually listening to the same play...
TAO LIN I was heavily influenced by Andy Kaufman and Steven Wright.
DAVID CROSS I'm in England so often I haven't really left, but Americans aren't at all like they'...
JOHN LYDON I'm a New Yorker. I was there during 9/11, and I saw how, not only New York City stopped for a m...
AISHA HINDS I haven't been silent. I teach, I lecture at universities, I write, I'm not silent.
BILL AYERS Everything I did in the jails - chain gangs, everything - I haven't changed the policy. I did it...
JOE ARPAIO I'm so happy in the projects that I'm able to make, to be involved in projects like this. Th...
JENNIFER CONNELLY I'm a New Yorker. I was there during 9/11 and I saw how, not only New York City stopped for a mo...
AISHA HINDS I think that the character that I'm playing now is so fundamentally different than Ally that I h...
CALISTA FLOCKHART When I was in high school I saw Steven Wright, a brilliant one-liner comedian, and I thought: 'T...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA I've learnt that, even though I've travelled about, I haven't changed that much.
KARL PILKINGTON When I'm asked how to succeed in show business, I always say I haven't the foggiest.
ETHEL MERMAN I have invariably been in love when I haven't had the same reciprocated emotion at all. I don...
KARAN JOHAR I haven't actually studied acting at all.
KAT DENNINGS The past is still visible. The buildings haven't changed, the layout of the streets hasn't c...
JONATHAN LETHEM I knew acting was what I wanted to do. I don't know if I was brilliant at it, but when I was doi...
JAMES CORDEN I still haven't been able to capture the joy of what it's like when I sing - you know, when ...
CAT POWER I don't want to say, 'Yeah, I changed at 30,' because no, it was chronically the same. B...
ALEXA CHUNG I just want to be the best. I haven't been in an all-out war. That doesn't mean I'm not ...
FLOYD MAYWEATHER, JR. One of the things that is devastating is I realise I haven't been living a different life than w...
GUS VAN SANT My healthiest habit is eating a healthy breakfast every morning. I never miss breakfast. As a busy m...
SUMMER SANDERS I've worked with Steven Spielberg three times. I'm proud to say that I'm one of those ac...
JOE PANTOLIANO I'm very old. I haven't got time to be charming.
ALAN ARKIN You don't want to dwell on your enemies, you know. I basically feel so superior to my critics fo...
JOHN IRVING What I have crossed out I didn't like. What I haven't crossed out I'm dissatisfied with.
CECIL B. DEMILLE I used to think about how I was conceived quite a lot when I was about 10 or 11, but I don't thi...
LOUISE BROWN I'm not a chef. I haven't created any new technique in the kitchen. I'm not a rocket sci...
RACHAEL RAY I haven't read Ibsen, Shaw, Shakespeare - except 'The Merchant of Venice' in ninth grade...
AUGUST WILSON I'm convinced that had I not changed my name, I don't think I would have had quite the same ...
BEN KINGSLEY My bed isn't made, I'm tired, I haven't slept well for two weeks. I haven't been lai...
LAYNE STALEY I've evolved, but I'm the same dude, I'm just in a different place. We all change, we al...
ICE T I really woke up one morning and said, you know, 'I haven't seen a good film about the Ameri...
IRWIN WINKLER When I was 11, I saw this ad for dish soap powder that said, 'Women all over America are fightin...
MEGHAN MARKLE I live in a fantasy world where I think I'm immune to all disease. I don't get sick and have...
JESSE SPENCER The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I alwa...
DEMETRI MARTIN I haven't had the most lucrative career. If I'm going to be completely honest, I'm a one...
STEVE FORBERT I haven't changed. My family and I live as we did in South Spain. I've had loud music, chick...
CHARO I act like I'm 14, if you haven't figured that out yet.
DAVID COPPERFIELD I'm working on inventing an aerosol spray that repels papparazi. I haven't perfected it but ...
JOSH DUHAMEL I don't think of myself as a trendy person at all, and if I'm anything, I'm probably con...
ALFRED ENOCH I don't find I'm manic at all. I'm very chill.
KIRSTEN DUNST I haven't won a World Cup. There's things that haven't been finished, and I'm not af...
ABBY WAMBACH I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on telev...
DEMETRI MARTIN I'm an entrepreneur. I'm married to an entrepreneur. So I haven't just sipped the entrep...
NANCY LUBLIN To say that I'm going to veto something that I haven't read is just - or sign something that...
DOUG DUCEY Now I'm going to show a side of me I haven't shown before. I'm going to be fierce.
LA'PORSHA RENAE Going abroad to study as a teenager, and joining the United Nations at 22, confirmed my ease with th...
SHASHI THAROOR I haven't changed much, over the years. I use less adjectives, now, and have a kinder heart, per...
ANGELA CARTER I'm a storyteller; that's what exploration really is all about. Going to places where others...
JAMES CAMERON I reached my full height at age 11, and I was clumsy as all get-out - all elbows and knees, couldn...
JEANNETTE WALLS I haven't found it to be particularly enjoyable... ninety percent of the time when I go on dates...
ZOSIA MAMET I don't look at life as a battle or as a fight. I don't think I'm scrappy. I'm accep...
MICHAEL J. FOX When I was younger, I made some decisions that I shouldn't have. And, in hindsight, I've alm...
DANIEL DAY-LEWIS My first job was a McDonald's commercial. It made me want to wake up at 4 A.M. to do something I...
NADINE VELAZQUEZ I think I'm at a place where I haven't really been encountered by anyone overtly strange. Bu...
WARREN KOLE I remember when I was 11, I told my mom, 'One day I'm going to buy you a house.' And she...
WILL.I.AM When I'm writing, I spend all my time in The Grocer on Elgin buying ready-made meals; I think th...
SADIE JONES I don't understand anyone thinking I'm sexy at all. I don't get it because, growing up a...
SOPHIE MONK I got a great kick being in the Warner Bros. studios - that was really cool. I kept singing the '...
IMELDA MAY And I tell people I'm in charge of children, children I haven't even met yet.
DAVID DINKINS I haven't thought about getting into production. I'm interested in the creative aspect of st...
SAKSHI TANWAR And whenever I'm in a situation where I'm wearing the same as 600 other people and doing the...
JEREMY IRONS If I'm compelled to do something, I don't shy away from it simply because I haven't tack...
VIKRAM SETH I'm never happy with my face, my hair, I haven't really got any boobs and I'm not really...
ELLIE GOULDING I surprise myself that I'm not dead in the gutter somewhere, surprised that I haven't given ...
MIGUEL SYJUCO I haven't been that great at attending my own openings. Still, I'm learning to enjoy this a ...
JAMES TURRELL I don't feel like I've changed as much as radio formats have changed.
JEWEL I wear the Jewish star, but I'm not - I haven't converted to Judaism, and I'm not - I...
MADONNA CICCONE I'm an atheist. I don't 'believe' at all.
GARY KEMP I'm still shocked when people say, 'You haven't done a studio record in 20 years.' I...
ACE FREHLEY I am so lazy. I really don't have a regimen. When I was younger I used to be into cardio and tae...
BIANCA LAWSON I lost my virginity when I was 14. And I haven't been able to find it.
DAVID DUCHOVNY I haven't eaten at a McDonald's since I became President.
WILLIAM J. CLINTON My personal philosophy is I'm running a 100-yard dash, and I haven't reached the end.
BILL KURTIS Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, ' I apologize.' Except at a funeral.
DEMETRI MARTIN I saw 'A Clockwork Orange' when I was 11. When you watch 'Clockwork Orange' at 11, i...
BILL HADER I haven't shaken my fists at the moon.
IAN DURY There are too many books I haven't read, too many places I haven't seen, too many memories I...
IRWIN SHAW Right now, I don't have the same urges as other women when they see a baby. When I see children,...
GABRIELLE UNION I also want to announce that I'm changing my name. I haven't told anyone. You get the scoop.
LUTHER CAMPBELL On the whole, I don't like reading long books. I'm not a fan of 'Ulysses.' And I hav...
VIKRAM SETH I was raised - and still consider myself to be - Catholic, though I'm non-practicing and haven...
THOMAS MALLON I'm very good at delegating - people work much better when they have a real sense of responsibil...
ANNA WINTOUR I never modeled myself after anyone. The person who had most influence on me was my mother, but it w...
DIANE VON FURSTENBERG When I was 15, I didn't think I was the prettiest at all. But then something happened when I was...
CYNTHIA ERIVO I'm very grateful, but at the same time, I'm glad all this happened when I'm 36 instead ...
STURGILL SIMPSON I'm just beginning to develop callouses on my fingers, because I haven't played a lot.
IKE TURNER I'm not talking with an American accent. I haven't gone off and become Sammy Hagar.
BILLY IDOL I'm 100 per cent motivated. I haven't done enough yet in cycling to be satisfied.
LIZZIE ARMITSTEAD I think, when I was a young lawyer starting out, I was so determined to prove that I was as good as ...
CHERIE BLAIR I've made my share of mistakes along the way, but if I have changed even one life for the better...
MUHAMMAD ALI
More Steven Wright
When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching...
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map; it has you are here written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ...
STEVEN WRIGHT Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ...
STEVEN WRIGHT If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you str...
STEVEN WRIGHT A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space...
STEVEN WRIGHT I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
STEVEN WRIGHT Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
STEVEN WRIGHT You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
STEVEN WRIGHT Black holes are where God divided by zero.
STEVEN WRIGHT Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, yo...
STEVEN WRIGHT I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.
STEVEN WRIGHT I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.
STEVEN WRIGHT My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
STEVEN WRIGHT Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time... I think I’ve forgotten this b...
STEVEN WRIGHT George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
STEVEN WRIGHT The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
STEVEN WRIGHT If God dropped acid, would he see people?
STEVEN WRIGHT I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop,...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of t...
STEVEN WRIGHT I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
STEVEN WRIGHT If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, d...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
STEVEN WRIGHT I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an...
STEVEN WRIGHT I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
STEVEN WRIGHT I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
STEVEN WRIGHT A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
STEVEN WRIGHT Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
STEVEN WRIGHT In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be...
STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHT Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
STEVEN WRIGHT At one point he decided enough was enough.
STEVEN WRIGHT I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
STEVEN WRIGHT I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that w...
STEVEN WRIGHT Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh.
STEVEN WRIGHT It seems like we wake up and it's a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because th...
STEVEN WRIGHT I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and g...
STEVEN WRIGHT I didn't want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-...
STEVEN WRIGHT I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
STEVEN WRIGHT So, do you live around here often?
STEVEN WRIGHT I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way thro...
STEVEN WRIGHT Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it beca...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was always making my friends laugh, but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
STEVEN WRIGHT I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing film...
STEVEN WRIGHT I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
STEVEN WRIGHT I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for thre...
STEVEN WRIGHT When I die, I'm gonna leave my body to science fiction.
STEVEN WRIGHT Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really ex...
STEVEN WRIGHT It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear.
STEVEN WRIGHT I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I t...
STEVEN WRIGHT You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The...
STEVEN WRIGHT I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he di...
STEVEN WRIGHT I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't.
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
STEVEN WRIGHT There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalato...
STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I've always had to conquer fear when I'm on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy ...
STEVEN WRIGHT OK, so what's the speed of dark?
STEVEN WRIGHT Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in Ja...
STEVEN WRIGHT I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't have that much time.
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I...
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
STEVEN WRIGHT Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
STEVEN WRIGHT If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere i...
STEVEN WRIGHT I invented the cordless extension cord.
STEVEN WRIGHT I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
STEVEN WRIGHT For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them f...
STEVEN WRIGHT Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that d...
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during...
STEVEN WRIGHT If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
STEVEN WRIGHT My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
STEVEN WRIGHT I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be assoc...
STEVEN WRIGHT Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-g...
STEVEN WRIGHT When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
STEVEN WRIGHT There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really inte...
STEVEN WRIGHT I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not tryi...
STEVEN WRIGHT I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I...
STEVEN WRIGHT I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and force...
STEVEN WRIGHT How young can you die of old age?
STEVEN WRIGHT I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
STEVEN WRIGHT I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.
STEVEN WRIGHT Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistical...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm going to get an MRI to find out whether I have claustrophobia.
STEVEN WRIGHT I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black...
STEVEN WRIGHT I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
STEVEN WRIGHT If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
STEVEN WRIGHT It's like the Wild West, the Internet. There are no rules.
STEVEN WRIGHT Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
STEVEN WRIGHT When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually...
STEVEN WRIGHT I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
STEVEN WRIGHT On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the othe...
STEVEN WRIGHT They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.
STEVEN WRIGHT I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
STEVEN WRIGHT All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHT Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
STEVEN WRIGHT What a nice night for an evening.
STEVEN WRIGHT If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
STEVEN WRIGHT If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
STEVEN WRIGHT Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
STEVEN WRIGHT Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
STEVEN WRIGHT Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
STEVEN WRIGHT I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHT I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
STEVEN WRIGHT There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT What's another word for Thesaurus?
STEVEN WRIGHT I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
STEVEN WRIGHT If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
STEVEN WRIGHT You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
STEVEN WRIGHT Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
STEVEN WRIGHT My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant...
STEVEN WRIGHT I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
STEVEN WRIGHT My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right...
STEVEN WRIGHT I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
STEVEN WRIGHT If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHT If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
STEVEN WRIGHT A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
STEVEN WRIGHT I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You...
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where’s the self-help section?' She said if she t...
STEVEN WRIGHT My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
STEVEN WRIGHT What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
STEVEN WRIGHT George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a ...
STEVEN WRIGHT Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
STEVEN WRIGHT Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
STEVEN WRIGHT When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I ...
STEVEN WRIGHT Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
STEVEN WRIGHT My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
STEVEN WRIGHT I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHT I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after...
STEVEN WRIGHT I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world......
STEVEN WRIGHT If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It'...
STEVEN WRIGHT I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
STEVEN WRIGHT I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
STEVEN WRIGHT I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll c...
STEVEN WRIGHT My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she lov...
STEVEN WRIGHT When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'W...
STEVEN WRIGHT Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap...
STEVEN WRIGHT You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows u...
STEVEN WRIGHT Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
STEVEN WRIGHT When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few m...
STEVEN WRIGHT What's another word for Thesaurus?
STEVEN WRIGHT There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I ...
STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
STEVEN WRIGHT I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
STEVEN WRIGHT Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the li...
STEVEN WRIGHT Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
STEVEN WRIGHT The past week our bullpen threw a lot, especially with the doubleheaders in the (Rainbow) tournament...
STEVEN WRIGHT In terms of visits, we're probably going to wind up 3 to 5 percent ahead in visits and probably doub...
STEVEN WRIGHT The uncertainty is petrol prices,
STEVEN WRIGHT Our modelling suggest bond yields should rise in line with the US by at least 1 per cent. The X fact...
STEVEN WRIGHT Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. W...
STEVEN WRIGHT I've known Ian for a while. It's not about beating the best pitcher. He's still my buddy. I'll proba...
STEVEN WRIGHT I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.
STEVEN WRIGHT I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote"
STEVEN WRIGHT If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is ma...
STEVEN WRIGHT Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even st...
STEVEN WRIGHT Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even ...
STEVEN WRIGHT When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never...
STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT Sponges grow in the ocean. This bothers me. How deep would it be if they didn't?
STEVEN WRIGHT Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big...
STEVEN WRIGHT Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
STEVEN WRIGHT My favorite book is anything by Kurt Vonnegut - he's my literary hero. I got to meet him several...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
STEVEN WRIGHT I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you�...
STEVEN WRIGHT I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out...
STEVEN WRIGHT Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHT I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving...
STEVEN WRIGHT It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, mayb...
STEVEN WRIGHT