I have achieved my seventy years in the usual way, by sticking strictly to a scheme of life which would kill anybody else....I will offer here, as a sound maxim, this: That we can't reach old age by another man's road.
Mark Twain
Related We can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate y... MARK TWAIN We can’t reach old age by another man’s road. My habits protect my life but they would assassina... MARK TWAIN At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not... PATRICK MOORE I, Mark Twain being of sound mind, have spent everything MARK TWAIN Mark Twain and I are in the same position. We have put things in such a way as to make people, who w... GEORGE BERNARD SHAW When Bayazid was asked how old he was, he replied, ‘Four years.’ They said, ‘How can that be?�... ALDOUS HUXLEY Maxim 35: That which does not kill us has made a tactical error. -The Seventy Maxims... HOWARD TAYLER I must create a system or be enslaved by another mans; I will not reason and compare: my business is... WILLIAM BLAKE If it wasn't for the Mark Twain Masquers, I don't know where my life would have gone. PETER FALK It smells terrible in here.' Well, what do you expect? The human body, when confined, pro... JOHN KENNEDY TOOLE My life is music, and in some vague, mysterious and subconscious way, I have always been driven by a... STAN GETZ I believe that Brazil was prepared to elect a woman. Why? Because Brazilian women achieved that. I d... DILMA ROUSSEFF All my life, I wanted to sound like myself. I never wanted to sound like anybody else. BILLY PAUL When my father died, I had millions of people supporting me in a very, very difficult time. I have r... JUSTIN TRUDEAU I live in sin, to kill myself I live; no longer my life my own, but sin's; my good is given to me by... MICHELANGELO I first read 'Tom Sawyer' when I was in 8th grade, 13 years old. I realised since that Mark ... JEFF NICHOLS Mark Twain: A Life RON POWERS For my part, I do not feel that the scheme of future happiness, which ought by rights to be in prepa... JAMES PAYN If you hold a cat by the tail, you learn things you can't learn any other way.--Mark Twain TONY-PAUL DE VISSAGE I live in sin, to kill myself I live; no longer my life my own, but sin's; my good is given to m... MICHELANGELO Those for whom there was, first dimly, then more bright, then dimly again, a possibility. Which, tho... RENATA ADLER Mark Twain supposedly observed, 'Don't pick a fight with anyone who buys ink by the barrel and paper... THOMAS F. CALCAGNI I've been enjoying 'Life on the Mississippi' by Mark Twain that I picked up at the airpo... ROMAN COPPOLA I showed my appreciation of my native land in the usual Irish way: by getting out of it as soon as I... GEORGE BERNARD SHAW I showed my appreciation of my native land in the usual Irish way by getting out of it as soon as I ... GEORGE BERNARD SHAW For a while we had trouble trying to get the sound of a champagne cork exploding out of the bottle. ... LAWRENCE WELK If I have lived by any maxim as a reporter, it was that every person is an expert on the circumstanc... JOSEPH LELYVELD Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you... , INSPIRED BY A. A. MILNE A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise. , INSPIRED BY A. A. MILNE Those who are clever, who have a Brain, never understand anything. , INSPIRED BY A. A. MILNE It gets you nowhere if the other person's tail is only just in sight for the second half of the conv... , INSPIRED BY A. A. MILNE Before beginning a Hunt, it is wise to ask someone what you are looking for before you begin looking... , INSPIRED BY A. A. MILNE If you want to make a song more hummy, add a few tiddely poms. , INSPIRED BY A. A. MILNE If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that h... , INSPIRED BY A. A. MILNE People who don't Think probably don't have Brains; rather, they have grey fluff that's blown into th... , INSPIRED BY A. A. MILNE When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which... , INSPIRED BY A. A. MILNE Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness; however big Tigger seems ... , INSPIRED BY A. A. MILNE When late morning rolls around and you're feeling a bit out of sorts, don't worry; you're probably j... , INSPIRED BY A. A. MILNE When having a smackerel of something with a friend, don't eat so much that you get stuck in the door... , INSPIRED BY A. A. MILNE To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks. , INSPIRED BY A. A. MILNE Always watch where you are going. Otherwise, you may step on a piece of the Forest that was left out... , INSPIRED BY A. A. MILNE A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference. , INSPIRED BY A. A. MILNE Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day. , INSPIRED BY A. A. MILNE It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy wor... , INSPIRED BY A. A. MILNE Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slo... , INSPIRED BY A. A. MILNE You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to the... , INSPIRED BY A. A. MILNE Bob Hope, like Mark Twain, had a sense of humor that was uniquely American, and like Twain, we'l... DICK VAN DYKE Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anyb... CHARLES DICKENS You will never know of another mans heart ache by words alone DANIEL ROBERT O'NEILL To kill a mockingbird. If you haven't read it, I think you should because it is very interesting. STEPHEN CHBOSKY You don't have to learn much out of books, it's like if you want to learn about cows, you go milk on... HARPER LEE You can't really get to know a person until you get in their shoes and walk around in them. HARPER LEE I have lived long enough. My way of life is to fall into the sere, the yellow leaf, and that which s... WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE If I have learned nothing else in all my years here, my biggest lesson is you have to constantly rei... GINNI ROMETTY I have been in my bed for five weeks, oppressed with weakness and other infirmities from which my ag... GALILEO GALILEI It's really tough. I will always think of myself as a Lady Gov. I love it here at Austin Peay, and i... ASHLEY HAYNES I have never stated Russia is an energy superpower, but we have more reserves than almost anybody el... VLADIMIR PUTIN I'm 20 years old. I like to party as much as anyone my age. Going clubbing is my way of relaxing... LINDSAY LOHAN I don't want to live in the kind of world where we don't look out for each other. Not just the peopl... CHARLES DE LINT I had assumed that I would age with all my friends growing old around me, dying off very gradually o... THOM GUNN This isn't the life I thought we'd have, my love.
This isn't the way I thought we'd be living, my de... JESSICA MADLE Never in my life have I been captivated by by anybody onscreen the way I was when I saw Audrey Hepbu... JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT Befriend him, death, and pity him, may he from here arise! Unharmed, with sound limbs, hearing perfe... ATHARVA VEDA I go to the gym, do some martial arts, and I love poetry. I have a tattoo of my family crest, and an... STEVEN R. MCQUEEN For although we know that the years pass, that youth gives way to old age, that fortunes and thrones... MARCEL PROUST I have ever held it as a maxim never to do that through another which it was impossible for me to ex... CHARLES DE MONTESQUIEU Bob Hope, like Mark Twain, had a sense of humor that was uniquely American, and like Twain, we'll li... DICK VAN DYKE Now the whole offer which Christianity makes is this: that we can, if we let God have His way, come ... C.S. LEWIS We will be strictly coin-operated and offer games based on skill. I'm just trying to do the right th... DON FIECHTER Years go by will I still be waiting for somebody else to understand... sometimes I hear my voice and... TORI AMOS My writing, like everything I do, comes profoundly from my heart. I believe that if you follow your ... KIM ELIZABETH From around the age of six, I had the habit of sketching from life. I became an artist, and from fif... HOKUSAI KATSUSHIKA As much as anybody doesn't want to kill the top of the food chain, ... he can't live here. You want ... SHARON MOORE Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anyb... CHARLES DICKENS Age is not measured by years. Nature does not equally distribute energy. Some people are born old an... DOROTHY THOMPSON The policy was a process that has been set by the state board to prevent a land-grab movement. This ... FRANK ZANG My record as a pro-life governor is not in dispute. I am completely pro-life, and I believe that we ... JEB BUSH By writing quotes...I mark a trail of my soul's journey in this realm. TOBA BETA . . . What a pleasant life could be had in this world by a handsome, sensible old lady of good fortu... STELLA GIBBONS As usual the Liberals offer a mixture of sound and original ideas. Unfortunately none of the sound i... HAROLD MACMILLAN I measure the progress of a community by the degree of progress which women have achieved. B. R. AMBEDKAR I measure the progress of a community by the degree of progress which women have achieved. B.R. AMBEDKAR Why should we save them? It's part of the historical legacy of California. They were made famous by ... MARC HAYES Mark Twain had a way of telling stories that shifts your consciousness away from labels. VAL KILMER Some social ills are preserved by the common misbelief that things such as ignorance, greed, and stu... MOKOKOMA MOKHONOANA Our first six batters are as good as anybody in the country. Nine of our 10 runs were by those guys.... DENNIS MARTEL I hope that by modeling feminism in my own life, work and relationships that it will haut become an ... JESSICA VALENTI The few weeks I have had at my disposal have not given me the chance to revive and to work through m... ABY WARBURG I fully expected that, by the end of the century, we would have achieved substantially more than we ... NEIL ARMSTRONG We fought in 1974 - that was a long time ago. After 1981, we became the best of friends. By 1984, we... GEORGE FOREMAN The great sadness of my life is that I never achieved the hour newscast, which would not have been t... WALTER CRONKITE I had strong legs that would have made me a good sumo wrestler and I used that to my advantage, but ... SADAHARU OH You'd think that people would have figured out by now that sticking a fork into the toaster is perha... GARY WHITTA I have discovered the secret formula for a carefree old age: iycri = fi (if you cant recall it, forg... GOODMAN ACE There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happend. -Mark Twain. MARK TWAIN Despite our agreement on Monday, we felt it was essential to add a factor that safeguarded the emplo... KEITH ANDREWS In a way, I have simplified my life by setting priorities. KAREN DUFFY It would seem to me that by the time a race has achieved deep space capability it would have matured... CLIFFORD D. SIMAK At the age of 18, I made up my mind to never have another bad day in my life. I dove into a endless ... PATCH ADAMS I saw the years of my life spaced along a road in the form of telephone poles threaded together by w... SYLVIA PLATH
More Mark Twain
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. MARK TWAIN My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water. MARK TWAIN Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others. MARK TWAIN It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure tha... MARK TWAIN The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession. MARK TWAIN India has 2,000,000 gods and worships them all. In religion, all other countries are paupers; India ... MARK TWAIN Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own. MARK TWAIN I never let schooling interfere with my education. MARK TWAIN Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. MARK TWAIN Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities. MARK TWAIN The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed rig... MARK TWAIN There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. MARK TWAIN In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours. MARK TWAIN Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here firs... MARK TWAIN But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one... MARK TWAIN The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it. MARK TWAIN The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. MARK TWAIN Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of ti... MARK TWAIN It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. MARK TWAIN The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become. MARK TWAIN The lack of money is the root of all evil. MARK TWAIN Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. MARK TWAIN Optimist: day dreamer more elegantly spelled. MARK TWAIN Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident. MARK TWAIN Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired. MARK TWAIN Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. MARK TWAIN There are lies, damned lies and statistics. MARK TWAIN Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable. MARK TWAIN Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside... MARK TWAIN Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. MARK TWAIN The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice. MARK TWAIN Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. MARK TWAIN I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping. MARK TWAIN The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. MARK TWAIN All generalizations are false, including this one. MARK TWAIN 'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read. MARK TWAIN The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a ba... MARK TWAIN The secret of getting ahead is getting started. MARK TWAIN Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. MARK TWAIN I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places. MARK TWAIN Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. MARK TWAIN If I owned half of that dog, I would shoot my half. MARK TWAIN What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed ... MARK TWAIN When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. B... MARK TWAIN When you have prayed for victory you have prayed for many unmentioned results which follow victorymu... MARK TWAIN The teacher reminded us that Romes liberties were not auctioned off in a day, but were bought slowly... MARK TWAIN By his father he is English, by his mother he is Americanto my mind the blend which makes the perfec... MARK TWAIN So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldnt find honest employment. MARK TWAIN The people of those foreign countries are very, very ignorant. They looked curiously at the costumes... MARK TWAIN We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in itand stop there; lest w... MARK TWAIN The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large mattertis the diff... MARK TWAIN Say the report is exaggerated. MARK TWAIN A jay hasnt got any more principle than a Congressman. A jay will lie, a jay will steal, a jay will ... MARK TWAIN To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature Congressman. MARK TWAIN I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than ... MARK TWAIN A myriad of men are born; they labor and sweat and struggle; ...they squabble and scold and fight; t... MARK TWAIN Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the st... MARK TWAIN Annihilation has no terrors for me, because I have already tried it before I was born --a hundred mi... MARK TWAIN Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to... MARK TWAIN We never become really and genuinely our entire and honest selves until we are dead -- and not then ... MARK TWAIN Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. MARK TWAIN All say, How hard it is that we have to die -- a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people... MARK TWAIN Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find... MARK TWAIN Write without pay until somebody offers to pay you. If nobody offers within three years, sawing wood... MARK TWAIN As to the adjective, when in doubt strike it out. MARK TWAIN I am admonished in many ways that time is pushing me inexorably along. I am approaching the threshol... MARK TWAIN Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than... MARK TWAIN The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without burst... MARK TWAIN When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old. MARK TWAIN All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure. MARK TWAIN The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do wh... MARK TWAIN To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand ... MARK TWAIN Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person. MARK TWAIN It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal... MARK TWAIN Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired MARK TWAIN It is a mistake that there is no bath that will cure people's manners, but drowning would help. MARK TWAIN Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to. MARK TWAIN Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting... MARK TWAIN To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do. MARK TWAIN Between us, we cover all knowledge; he knows all that can be known and I know the rest. MARK TWAIN The church is always trying to get other people to reform; it might not be a bad idea to reform itse... MARK TWAIN Stars are good too. I wish I could get some to put in my hair. But I suppose I never can. You would ... MARK TWAIN There are German songs which can make a stranger to the language cry. MARK TWAIN The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things tha... MARK TWAIN Optimist: Day-dreamer more elegantly spelled MARK TWAIN Necessity is the mother of "taking chances" MARK TWAIN Distance lends enchantment to the view MARK TWAIN Be good and you will be lonesome. MARK TWAIN Chastity - you can carry it too far MARK TWAIN To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler--and less trouble. MARK TWAIN Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in it... MARK TWAIN Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. MARK TWAIN When you cannot get a compliment in any other way pay yourself one. MARK TWAIN There is nothing you can say in answer to a compliment. I have been complimented myself a great many... MARK TWAIN Never learn to do anything. If you don't learn, you will always find someone else to do it for you. MARK TWAIN I can't do literary work for the rest of this year because I'm meditating another lawsuit and lookin... MARK TWAIN Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would... MARK TWAIN Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relati... MARK TWAIN Wit and Humor -- if any difference, it is in duration -- lightning and electric light. Same material... MARK TWAIN Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no... MARK TWAIN There is a great deal of human nature in people. MARK TWAIN If man had created man, he would be ashamed of his performance. MARK TWAIN There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce. MARK TWAIN The human race was always interesting and we know by its past that it will always continue so, monot... MARK TWAIN Man is a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. MARK TWAIN Such is the human race. Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat... MARK TWAIN It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts th... MARK TWAIN Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement,... MARK TWAIN Scientists have odious manners, except when you prop up their theory; then you can borrow money of t... MARK TWAIN Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it. MARK TWAIN Man is the only creature who has a nasty mind. MARK TWAIN We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks, if we agree with him. MARK TWAIN O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover th... MARK TWAIN A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be lead by the nose. MARK TWAIN Happiness ain't a thing in itself --it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so,... MARK TWAIN There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one: keep from telling their happiness to... MARK TWAIN I repeat, sir, that in whatever position you place a woman she is an ornament to society and a treas... MARK TWAIN Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. The conviction of the rich... MARK TWAIN Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide i... MARK TWAIN Let us be grateful to Adam, our benefactor. He cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us... MARK TWAIN Intellectual work is misnamed; it is a pleasure, a dissipation, and is its own highest reward. MARK TWAIN Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions. MARK TWAIN I do not like work even when someone else does it. MARK TWAIN Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and play consists of whatever a body is not oblig... MARK TWAIN Often the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth. MARK TWAIN Truth is neither alive nor dead; it just aggravates itself all the time. MARK TWAIN No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies. MARK TWAIN We had the sky up there, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss whether th... MARK TWAIN Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True ... MARK TWAIN When you ascend the hill of prosperity, may you not meet a friend. MARK TWAIN Prosperity is the surest breeder of insolence I know. MARK TWAIN Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. MARK TWAIN We need not worry so much about what man descends from; it's what he descends to that shames the hum... MARK TWAIN There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends. MARK TWAIN I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- except he... MARK TWAIN There was never a century nor a country that was short of experts who knew the Deity's mind and were... MARK TWAIN People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases. MARK TWAIN My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine -- everybody drinks water. MARK TWAIN A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razor strap. A thin book is useful to stick under a table ... MARK TWAIN When the doctrine of allegiance to party can utterly up-end a man's moral constitution and make a te... MARK TWAIN In statesmanship get the formalities right, never mind about the moralities. MARK TWAIN Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can. MARK TWAIN The lack of money is the root of all evils. MARK TWAIN His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine. MARK TWAIN Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: The one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures... MARK TWAIN All schools, all colleges, have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal, valuable knowledge. ... MARK TWAIN Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. Traini... MARK TWAIN We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only m... MARK TWAIN There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular is providence. MARK TWAIN It is by the goodness of God that we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech... MARK TWAIN There isn't a single human characteristic that can be safely labeled as American. MARK TWAIN War talk by men who have been in a war is always interesting; whereas moon talk by a poet who has no... MARK TWAIN There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life when he has a raging desire to go somewhe... MARK TWAIN To arrive at a just estimate of a renowned man's character one must judge it by the standards of his... MARK TWAIN One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. MARK TWAIN A wise man does not waste so good a commodity as lying for naught. MARK TWAIN A lie can run around the world six times while the truth is still trying to put on its pants. MARK TWAIN I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, b... MARK TWAIN The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all. MARK TWAIN A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which gives immortality to conversati... MARK TWAIN Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expe... MARK TWAIN Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employ a million. MARK TWAIN It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare. MARK TWAIN Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear. Except a creature be part cowar... MARK TWAIN Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself MARK TWAIN When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man aro... MARK TWAIN Faith is believing what you know ain't so. MARK TWAIN It was the schoolboy who said, Faith is believing what you know ain't so. MARK TWAIN Never let formal education get in the way of your learning. MARK TWAIN There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it ... MARK TWAIN I've never let my school interfere with my education. MARK TWAIN In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in al... MARK TWAIN Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect). MARK TWAIN If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal di... MARK TWAIN A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was getting knowledge that was always going... MARK TWAIN Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiment... MARK TWAIN Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the ca... MARK TWAIN If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the r... MARK TWAIN The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a... MARK TWAIN Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its... MARK TWAIN The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. MARK TWAIN Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the reall... MARK TWAIN If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed. MARK TWAIN ′Classic′ - a book which people praise and don't read. MARK TWAIN Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination. MARK TWAIN I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. MARK TWAIN The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read. MARK TWAIN Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Trut... MARK TWAIN Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it. MARK TWAIN A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. MARK TWAIN All right, then, I'll go to hell. MARK TWAIN The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's. MARK TWAIN Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. MARK TWAIN If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be—a Christian. MARK TWAIN To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with. MARK TWAIN Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it ... MARK TWAIN Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody. MARK TWAIN Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. MARK TWAIN Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. MARK TWAIN I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know. MARK TWAIN