FastSaying
I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad a turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastromi,.Some one needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself.
Mitch Hedberg
Hate
Related Quotes
If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.
— Mitch Hedberg
Any
Fingers
Had
A severed foot is the perfect stocking stuffer.
— Mitch Hedberg
Christmas
Foot
Perfect
I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said "F**k it. Cut em up."
— Mitch Hedberg
Day
Food
Funny
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?
— Mitch Hedberg
Cool
Hippopotamus
Just
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
— Mitch Hedberg
Buy
Cake
Candle