I had stopped going to church the moment I joined the Regiment. No more could my mother nag me into God's presence.

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

As I kept having episodes of depression, I realized that it was not a one-off: that I had, well, not a disease, really - more an illness.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, and the earth brought forth grass and the Rastafarians smoked it.

My father was a soldier, which meant that he was a warrior, which meant that he was important. My mother rode a horse and sang in the Governor-General's band, so that made her important as well.