I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.

I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.