I get my exercise running to the funerals of my friends who exercise.

True friends appear less mov'd than counterfeit; As men that grieve at funerals are not so loud as those that cry for hire

I never saw a dollar bill cry at anyone's funeral.

All of my best friends are dead people. Someday I've got to figure out how that happened.

A multitude of executions discredits a king, as a multitude of funerals a doctor

The reason so many people turned up at his funeral is that they wanted to make sure he was dead.