Billy Connolly quote: "I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered."

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Behind the proscenium arch, you can't always hear what people in the audience are saying.
BILLY CONNOLLY

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
BILLY CONNOLLY

I like Dali and Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.
BILLY CONNOLLY

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go there.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of c...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but yo...
BILLY CONNOLLY

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
BILLY CONNOLLY

I'm famous for my bottom dances, but you'll only see my bum and willy if you raise a million pounds ...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I think that you'll find that Billy Connolly is British.
BILLY CONNOLLY

I'm very big in Australia, New Zealand, Britain, Canada and America. It's nice. I have a lovely life...
BILLY CONNOLLY

There's nothing like it, but it's not as good as you think it's going to be. . . . I was disappointe...
BILLY CONNOLLY

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.
BILLY CONNOLLY

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterw...
BILLY CONNOLLY

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them ...
BILLY CONNOLLY

ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢Â‚Â¬Ã…Â“So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a ...
BILLY CONNOLLY

Roses are red,Violets are blue,I'm a schizophrenic,and so am I.
BILLY CONNOLLY

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it m...
BILLY CONNOLLY

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
BILLY CONNOLLY

I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that s...
BILLY CONNOLLY

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
BILLY CONNOLLY

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and y...
BILLY CONNOLLY

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the sam...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I've always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. . . . My family comes from the west coast, so whenev...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't b...
BILLY CONNOLLY

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
BILLY CONNOLLY

The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, w...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
BILLY CONNOLLY

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling t...
BILLY CONNOLLY

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever becoming one.”
"Don't vote. I...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I don't understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I'm amazed what people come up wi...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
BILLY CONNOLLY

American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just t...
BILLY CONNOLLY

You'll end up with your arse between your shoulder blades (On morphine Suppositorys)
BILLY CONNOLLY

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
BILLY CONNOLLY

Do you remember that politician who died with the fishnet tights and all that? Aw, his poor family. ...
BILLY CONNOLLY

outgrew the media ... The negativity felt like a disease.
BILLY CONNOLLY

The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the st...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I don't believe in angels, no. . . . But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I¹m much bigger in Britain than I am there. I'm well-known, but my name's That Guy in America. . . ...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it w...
BILLY CONNOLLY

“So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?”
BILLY CONNOLLY

I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that some peop...
BILLY CONNOLLY

What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go there.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.
BILLY CONNOLLY

But still, I kept thinking, if I'm still troubled by this, if I'm still carrying it around like a bi...
BILLY CONNOLLY

For years I thought the club's name was Partick Thistle Nil.
BILLY CONNOLLY

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
BILLY CONNOLLY

He's a millionaire yet every few seconds had to go 'f***'. What is he trying to prove? Is he trying ...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I'd always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me w...
BILLY CONNOLLY

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thin...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I'm sure everyone in this room has been told a joke about that subject. I have many times and I've l...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagi...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I loathe hecklers. I haven't got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit a...
BILLY CONNOLLY

Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
BILLY CONNOLLY

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I...
BILLY CONNOLLY

Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, ...
BILLY CONNOLLY

Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
BILLY CONNOLLY

When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking a...
BILLY CONNOLLY

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm a schizophrenic,
and so am I.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Questions focus our thinking. Ask empowering questions like: What's good about this? What's not perf...
CHARLES CONNOLLY

The dread of lonliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

My favorite personal hockey moment was probably when Mike Bossy scored fifty goals in fifty games. H...
KEVIN CONNOLLY

When did you get so clever?"
"When I realized I wasn't as clever as I thought.
JOHN CONNOLLY

Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

I think the act of reading imbues the reader with a sensitivity toward the outside world that people...
JOHN CONNOLLY

Once upon a time – for that is how all stories should begin – there was a boy who lost his mothe...
JOHN CONNOLLY

There's a difference between living and just surviving. Do something you love, and find someone to l...
JOHN CONNOLLY

In the sex-war thoughtlessness is the weapon of the male, vindictiveness of the female.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Our memories are card indexes consulted and then returned in disorder by authorities whom we do not ...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Except for poverty, incompatibility, opposition of parents, absence of love on one side and of desir...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The true index of a man's character is the health of his wife.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The past is the only dead thing that smells sweet.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

In America every woman has her set of girl-friends; some are cousins, the rest are gained at school....
CYRIL CONNOLLY

A great writer creates a world of his own and his readers are proud to live in it. A lesser writer m...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The more books we read, the clearer it becomes that the true function of a writer is to produce a ma...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

When writers meet they are truculent, indifferent, or over-polite. Then comes the inevitable moment....
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Literature is the art of writing something that will be read twice; journalism what will be read onc...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

I shall christen this style the Mandarin, since it is beloved by literary pundits. It is the style ...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The hunt for young authors who, while maintaining a prestige value (with a r
CYRIL CONNOLLY

As repressed sadists are supposed to become policemen or butchers so those with an irrational fear o...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Just as it is true that a stream cannot rise above its source, so it is true that a national literat...
JAMES CONNOLLY

No city should be too large for a man to walk out of in a morning.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Slums may well be breeding-grounds of crime, but middle-class suburbs are incubators of apathy and d...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The only happy talkers are dandies who extract pleasure from the very perishability of their materia...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Tennis can be a grind and there's always the danger of going stale if you think about it too much. Y...
MAUREEN CONNOLLY

When young we are faithful to individuals, when older we grow loyal to situations and to types.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The reward of art is not fame or success but intoxication: that is why so many bad artists are unabl...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The artist is a member of the leisured classes who cannot pay for his leisure.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Were I to deduce any system from my feelings on leaving Eton, it might be called The Theory of Perma...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

I review novels to make money, because it is easier for a sluggard to write an article a fortnight t...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

There cannot be a personal God without a pessimistic religion. As soon as there is a personal God he...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The one way to get thin is to re-establish a purpose in life.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Those of us who were brought up as Christians and have lost our faith have retained the sense of sin...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Like water, we are truest to our nature in repose.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Classical and romantic: private language of a family quarrel, a dead dispute over the distribution o...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

No taste is so acquired as that for someone else's quality of mind.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Vulgarity is the garlic in the salad of taste.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

We are all serving a life sentence in the dungeon of the self.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Civilization is maintained by a very few people in a small number of places and we need only some bo...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Never would it occur to a child that a sheep, a pig, a cow or a chicken was good to eat, while, like...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Without the power of the Industrial Union behind it, Democracy can only enter the State as the victi...
JAMES CONNOLLY

The English masses are lovable: they are kind, decent, tolerant, practical and not stupid. The trage...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Green leaves on a dead tree is our epitaph -- green leaves, dear reader, on a dead tree.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

A mistake which is commonly made about neurotics is to suppose that they are interesting. It is not ...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

We must select the Illusion which appeals to our temperament and embrace it with passion, if we want...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Imprisoned in every fat man, a thin one is wildly signaling to be let out.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Nothing dates like hate and in literature a little of it goes a very long way.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

There is immunity in reading, immunity in formal society, in office routine, in the company of old f...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Greed, like the love of comfort, is a kind of fear.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

A lazy person, whatever the talents with which he set out, will have condemned himself to second-han...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

It is a mistake to expect good work from expatriates for it is not what they do that matters but wha...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Questions focus our thinking. Ask empowering questions like: What's good about this? What's not perf...
CHARLES CONNOLLY

Civilization is an active deposit which is formed by the combustion of the present with the past. Ne...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The civilized are those who get more out of life than the uncivilized, and for this we are not likel...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

If our elaborate and dominating bodies are given us to be denied at every turn, if our nature is alw...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Today the function of the artist is to bring imagination to science and science to imagination, wher...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The goal of every culture is to decay through over-civilization; the factors of decadence, -- luxury...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

When I contemplate the accumulation of guilt and remorse which, like a garbage-can, I carry through ...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

We create the world in which we live; if that world becomes unfit for human life; it is because we t...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The person who is master of their passions is reason's slave.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Literature is the art of writing something that will be read twice; journalism what will be grasped ...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The artist one day falls through a hole in the brambles, and from that moment he is following the da...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Literature is the art of writing something that will be read twice; journalism what will be graspe...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation ...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Youth is a period of missed opportunities.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

In the sex war, thoughtlessness is the weapon of the male, vindictiveness of the female.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

A lazy person, whatever the talents with which he starts out, have condemned himself to second-rate ...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The friendships which last are those wherein each friend respects the other's dignity to the point o...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Questions focus our thinking. Ask empowering questions like: What's good about this? What's not pe...
CHARLES CONNOLLY

There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbours will say.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The true function of a writer is to produce a masterpiece and no other task is of any consequence.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The worst vice of the solitary is the worship of his food.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

We must select the illusion which appeals to our temperament and embrace it with passion, if we want...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Hate is the consequence of fear; we fear something before we hate it; a child who fears noises becom...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Always be nice to those younger than you, because they are the ones who will be writing about you.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Everything is a dangerous drug except reality, which is unendurable.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

'Entourage' is a very, very, very unique acting experience. I could go in to win 1000 Academ...
KEVIN CONNOLLY

Nowadays, if you have a mustache, people look at you like you're crazy. But when I was growing u...
KEVIN CONNOLLY

All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Vulgarity is the garlic in the salad of life.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

It’s odd, but people are capable of forgetting quite extraordinary occurrences very quickly if it ...
JOHN CONNOLLY

Z útrob Asketické jeskyně v nitru Nezajímavé hory, která se tyčí v části pekla nazývané ...
JOHN CONNOLLY

When did you get so clever?” “When I realized that I wasn’t as clever as I thought,
JOHN CONNOLLY

Samuel understood at last why this being hated men and women so much: he hated them because they wer...
JOHN CONNOLLY

he would envy each and every living thing its freedom, even if it was only the freedom to die.
JOHN CONNOLLY

No matter how hard Evil tries, it can never quite match up to the power of Good, because Evil is ult...
JOHN CONNOLLY

It is one thing to be brave in front of others, perhaps for fear of being branded a coward and becom...
JOHN CONNOLLY

We must have taken a wrong turn turning somewhere."
"Where, Purgatory?" said Dozy. "We're in He...
JOHN CONNOLLY

Regrets, Blacksmith, make poor currency. You can't but back with them what you most desire.
JOHN CONNOLLY

Wickedness never rests easily so, in a way, one might almost feel pity for the wicked, for they are ...
JOHN CONNOLLY

After all this time, he had hope, and then hope was gone, and he hates himself for giving in to hope...
JOHN CONNOLLY

You've just inherited rudeness. We've had to work at it.
JOHN CONNOLLY

Evil, unlike good, is constantly at war with those most like itself, and ambition is its spur.
JOHN CONNOLLY

But don't they say that all is fair in love and war? I heard that somewhere."
"'They?' Who are ...
JOHN CONNOLLY

It is one thing to be brave in front of others, perhaps for fear of being branded a coward and becom...
JOHN CONNOLLY

If there is anything worse than evil, it is nothingness. At least evil has a form, and a voice, and ...
JOHN CONNOLLY

A demon obsessed with being human is a demon no longer
JOHN CONNOLLY

Most criminals were dumb, and he took the view that the whole science of criminology was essentially...
JOHN CONNOLLY

The worker is the slave of capitalist society, the female worker is the slave of that slave.
JAMES CONNOLLY

I wanted somebody who would provide independence and a professional perspective to this organization...
ANGELA CONNOLLY

By law, we have to keep it at $68 million, and I for one won't go over the $68 million.
ANGELA CONNOLLY

We asked him to shoot us a number that it would take to stay in Polk County. This is the number we c...
ANGELA CONNOLLY

He has to come in at target. He's got to figure out how to do that.
ANGELA CONNOLLY

. . . For a lifetime was but a moment in that place, and each man dreams his own heaven.

...
JOHN CONNOLLY

For in every adult there dwells the child that was, and in every child there lies the adult that wil...
JOHN CONNOLLY

(To those who are themselves unhappy, the contentment of others can sometimes be mistaken for tedium...
JOHN CONNOLLY

where there are books, there will always be haters of books alongside the lovers of them.
JOHN CONNOLLY

No book is really a fixed object. Every reader reads a book differently, and each book works in a di...
JOHN CONNOLLY

It’s a natural consequence of the capacity of a bookstore or library to contain entire worlds, who...
JOHN CONNOLLY

The nature of compassion isn't coming to terms with your own suffering and applying it to others: It...
JOHN CONNOLLY

There is no pain equal to that which two lovers can inflict on one another. This should be made clea...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Purity engenders Wisdom, Passion avarice, and Ignorance folly, infatuation and darkness.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Slums may well be breeding grounds of crime, but middle class suburbs are incubators of apathy and d...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

A best-seller is the golden touch of mediocre talent.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

No matter how hard Evil tries, it can never quite match up to the power of Good, because Evil is ult...
JOHN CONNOLLY

If you strike at, imprison, or kill us, out of our prisons or graves we will still evoke a spirit th...
JAMES CONNOLLY

There are people who didn't like 'The Departed,' you know?
KEVIN CONNOLLY

As repressed sadists are supposed to become policemen or butchers so those with irrational fear of l...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The civilization of one epoch becomes the manure of the next.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

A writer is in danger of allowing his talent to dull who lets more than a year go past without findi...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Those whom the Gods would destroy, they first call promising.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder by authorities whom we do not...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

No one over thirty-five is worth meeting who has not something to teach us, --something more than we...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Words today are like the shells and rope of seaweed which a child brings home glistening from the be...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

We love but once, for once only are we perfectly equipped for loving.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Youth is a period of missed opportunities.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

What grape to keep its place in the sun, taught our ancestors to make wine?
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Life is a maze in which we take the wrong turn before we have learnt to walk.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

I've always thought the expression 'passion project' was kind of a cliche until I starte...
KEVIN CONNOLLY

Papa has not misled any client, manipulated any record, or covered up anything.
MICHAEL CONNOLLY

'Entourage' is almost required watching in L.A., and everyone seems to have story suggestion...
KEVIN CONNOLLY

I got no entourage in real life. Solo. I go solo. No entourage.
KEVIN CONNOLLY

What is good for you creatively is usually bad commercially. You thrive financially by sticking to a...
JOHN CONNOLLY

Imprisoned in every fat man a thin man is wildly signaling to be let out.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.

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Billy Connolly

I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.

Billy Connolly

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