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I did a gig at a comedy club in Bournemouth where they served a buffet while the acts were on. There was the clang of people carving turkey during the set. If you put comedy and turkey side by side, turkey always wins.


Jack Whitehall

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The best place to buy a turkey is the Corner Market on the By-pass up from Wal-Mart. But, when you b...
MABLE BEAMAN Hey! I'm talkin' to you, feta bread!
TURKEY A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.
KIN HUBBARD Mark Darcy: I realize that when I met you at the turkey curry buffet, I was unforgivably rude, and w...
BRIDGET DIARY Mark Darcy: I realize that when I met you at the turkey curry buffet, I was unforgivably rude, and w...
BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get ...
MITCH HEDBERG This is the tie we wanted as Trabzonspor were the second best side in Turkey last season,
IAN MURRAY They did the little boy turkey named Art... choke and then served his dead body with artichokes.
SAIOM SHRIVER Hunters are required to purchase a turkey license and stamp at the time they buy an over-the-counter...
ANDREA MEZERA An increase in turkey abundance coupled with nice weather resulted in a higher number of turkeys har...
DAVE SWANSON I brought in a yogurt master from Turkey. I went to Greece. I was always going back and forth, from ...
HAMDI ULUKAYA You can use ground turkey or lean beef to keep it on the lighter side; it smells fabulous while it's...
AMY REILEY If Turkey does not fulfill the criteria, then Turkey should be bound in Europe by the strongest poss...
CHANCELLOR WOLFGANG SCHüSSEL Don't assume you're always going to be understood. I wrote in a column that one should put a cup of ...
HELOISE My father was in Ataturk's closest group. They lived together during the War of Liberation in Tu...
AHMET ERTEGUN We have a very significant number of Jewish citizens, and they have always been safe and secure wher...
RECEP TAYYIP ERDOGAN That's the ultimate goal of most turkey recipes: to create a great skin and stuffing to hide the...
ALTON BROWN Breakfast is my favorite way to start off the day. This is usually what I order every morning on set...
CASSIE SCERBO Turkey is a serious candidate to fill the gap in the European software market. Globally, there is a ...
CAGLAYAN ARKAN It may well shift from Turkey into other European countries. The good news is that in Turkey it has ...
DR. DAVID NABARRO Turkey hunters can again look forward to high quality year of turkey hunting. Populations were good ...
ANDREA MEZERA I have nothing against turkey. We eat turkey for Thanksgiving in my house.
MARC FORGIONE Turkey is fine, but if I don't have the sides, forget about it. And cornbread stuffing is at the...
CARLA HALL The best size turkey to get is a 10-pound turkey, because it cooks better. But, shoppers can get any...
MABLE BEAMAN A complete cull of all rural poultry in the country is not necessary and we were very vocal about th...
JUAN LUBROTH Don't forget to check the turkey every 20 minutes just to keep some water in the pan, so that the tu...
MABLE BEAMAN And the separatist terrorist organization, PKK, had easy access to Turkey to, inside Turkey.
BULENT ECEVIT While other people were off eating turkey I was hitting the slopes and improving my skiing. I made s...
ALLISON FORSYTH A turkey is more occult and awful than all the angels and archangels. In so far as God has partly re...
G. K. CHESTERTON The only way I will have a baby for your trifling ass is if you put your sperm in a turkey baster so...
NERISSA IRVING Turkey tail mushrooms have been used to treat various maladies for hundreds of years in Asia, Europe...
PAUL STAMETS I stuffed it like a turkey.
DON YOUNG The concept was new to Turkey.
KATHERINE ORR Season the inside and the outside of the turkey real good with salt and pepper; this will give the t...
MABLE BEAMAN I can do comedy, so people want me to do that, but the other side of comedy is depression. Deep, dee...
PARKER POSEY If you are buying a larger turkey than usual, make sure it will fit in the oven.
MARY BERRY The percentage of fat in this product here is almost 50 percent fat. But it's turkey. But because it...
MARGO RODRIGUEZ By the time I got to kindergarten, I was surprised to find out I was the only kid with a turkey vult...
JEAN CRAIGHEAD GEORGE the beginning of a change to democracy and the rule of law in Turkey.
GUENTER VERHEUGEN Kurds want to remain in Turkey but they want the country to be part of the EU. If they see that Turk...
DOGU ERGIL In rural communities, whether in Vietnam or Turkey, people live very close to poultry. When a bird i...
DR. JEREMY FARRAR Your Majesty may think me an impatient sick man, and that the Turks are even sicker.
VOLTAIRE (FRANCOIS MARIE AROUET VOLTAIRE) [The Ottoman Empire] whose sick body was not supported by a mild and regular diet, but by a powerfu...
CHARLES DE MONTESQUIEU (CHARLES-LOUIS DE SECONDAT) The unspeakable Turk should be immediately struck out of the question, and the country be left to h...
THOMAS CARLYLE [The Ottoman Empire] has the body of a sick old man, who tried to appear healthy, although his end ...
SIR THOMAS ROE We have on out hands a sick man,--a very sick man. [The sick man of Europe, the Turk.]
NICHOLAS I The Lofty Gate of the Royal Tent.
MAHOMET II, THE GREAT [Turks] one and all, bag and baggage, shall I hope clear out from the province they have desolated...
RT. HON. WILLIAM EWART GLADSTONE I always buy the smaller turkeys. On the pre-baste put pats of butter on the meat under the skin, pu...
SANDRA LEE There's a lot of massacres going on in the world. As you know, 37,000 Kurds in Turkey, over a millio...
SEAN HANNITY One was a regular virus like we have seen in poultry in Turkey before -- no surprises there.
DR. RUBEN DONIS You must save what you can of your life; you musn't lose it all simply because you've lost a part.
HENRY JAMES Then they got into chicken feed. At one time, they had 25 percent of the turkey feed business in the...
DON MICHELS Turkey believed that Iraqi people will not allow such a possibility,
NAMIK TAN The turkey has a destiny which ends on San Martino's day.
WAVERLEY LEWIS ROOT When I did the cover of 'Cosmo International,' Turkey picked it up and I got a lot of backla...
KHLOE KARDASHIAN The one issue where we differed but hope soon to reach a compromise is over Turkey.
GERNOT ERLER There is a passion to turkey hunting that is hard to describe unless you've been out there as the wo...
ROD SLINGS We've created a sensation in Europe. Turkey were favorites and I'm very happy that we won.
ALEKSANDRS STARKOVS I was fat-shamed the other day on a British newspaper. The headline was 'Four Bellies and a Turk...
HUGH GRANT I was stationed in Turkey, Mexico City, South America, Texas, Arizona, so I do know where the Mexica...
JOE ARPAIO You deserve to be with somebody, who knows you're the one, from that very first moment he lays eyes ...
C. JOYBELL C. The United States and Turkey are in total agreement.
CEMIL CICEK Bear in mind how valuable a secular Turkey is for the world.
SAFAK PAVEY Some turkey hunters thought I had something good. I thought I did too.
ARCHIE TAYLOR I love to cook a meal for the so-called holidays. You always need the turkey. I like making a good B...
ACTION BRONSON Turkey has taken a giant step forward on its historic march.
RECEP TAYYIP ERDOGAN I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey.
CHARLES BUKOWSKI I love a good breakfast - grits and eggs, French toast, turkey bacon. My grandmother on my father...
TYLER PERRY opening of ports and airports in Turkey does not mean recognition of the Greek Cypriot administratio...
YASAR YAKIS They're not quite a year old, perhaps nine or 10 months old. At this time of the year, in the early ...
BOB ERIKSEN Oh, my dear, it's a buffet. I have chicken a la king. I have cold turkey. I have hot rolls. I have c...
PERLE MESTA Our first gig was a battle of the bands. We did 45 minutes of comedy and never played a note - and w...
CHEECH MARIN Our board over there now boasts three ambassadors, of Japan, Turkey and the U.S..
DWIGHT GEE The fear is that the tension will result in new elections and Turkey won't be able to put in a stron...
ANNE MILLS A turkey never voted for an early Christmas.
IRISH PROVERB How can you wish on a turkey wishbone with a man who is capable of correcting a love letter?
BEL KAUFMAN I want to be remembered as the biggest philanthropist in Turkey.
HUSNU OZYEGIN He never forgot the days when he didn't have a turkey.
AL SHARPTON I repeat, I said loud and clear that 1 million Armenians and 30,000 Kurds were killed in Turkey, and...
ORHAN PAMUK We hope that there will not be similar cases in Turkey in the future.
CAMIEL EURLINGS We've made a very clear statement of solidarity with Turkey,
GEORGE ROBERTSON Turkey will be in Cyprus forever.
RECEP TAYYIP ERDOGAN one when I ate turkey with the Screaming Eagles.
A. BUSH I was the music director at a dinner theater called the 'Pheasant Run Theater' in the suburb...
SEAN HAYES You're full of contradictions, Ms. Wallace."
I looked up at him and arched a brow. "I'm a girl...
TAMMARA WEBBER There's a whole variety of small game here and deer and turkey.
DAN BUTLER [Turkey seized on the German result to call on its opponents in Europe to] reconsider ... It was an ...
RECEP TAYYIP ERDOGAN I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ...
KELLY JONES The only way he could have her was to shatter this stubborn faith of hers. In doing so, would he sha...
FRANCINE RIVERS A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry - that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three-Mile Island.
JOHNNY CARSON Turkey was in a very good position regarding drug use rates before ecstasy came along.
CEM CEHDIOGLU The meat that I choose to feed my family, it's healthy meats such as lamb, which is very low in ...
TIA MOWRY Turkey wants to see Bashar al-Assad go and wants to kind of expand its sphere of influence into Turk...
RICHARD ENGEL I was not only a billionaire but the richest man in Turkey. It's a great feeling, but your respo...
HUSNU OZYEGIN There is going to be a nuclear arms race in the Middle East if Iran gets a nuclear weapon. And you a...
JOHN BARRASSO I think Turkey has a very important role to play in achieving a diplomatic settlement.
GREGORY SCHULTE It's over, and can't be helped, and that's one consolation, as they always says in Turkey, when they...
CHARLES DICKENS I was always told yogurt had to be sweet to appeal to Americans. But when people go to Turkey or Gre...
HAMDI ULUKAYA The legal system in Turkey works. The judiciary has put in the law the ways to compensate its intern...
CEMIL CICEK

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JACK REED There is sometimes a tendency to assume that everyone in this great country has adequate housing. Bu...
JACK REED Americans cannot afford to turn a blind eye to Russian interference in our democracy. We need to get...
JACK REED It's not wrong to be skeptical. I was one who participated in the debate on Iraq and voted again...
JACK REED We're in danger of breaking our army and preventing our national leaders from having the flexibi...
JACK REED The administration is manufacturing a crisis that does not exist in order to dismantle Social Securi...
JACK REED Having committed ourselves to Iraq, we must prevail, and to prevail, we must fund all of the require...
JACK REED We are today, in this country, convulsed by the situation in Iraq. It is an extraordinary crisis. It...
JACK REED To disregard the obvious is not a good trait in a leader in any situation.
JACK REED I am extremely privileged to serve Rhode Island in the United States Senate, and that is my only goa...
JACK REED The best reduction, the most final reduction, is to destroy the warheads.
JACK REED The President has no real plan to address the fiscal challenges arising from the retirement of the b...
JACK REED Improving oversight of hedge funds and other private funds is vital to their sustainability and to o...
JACK REED