I chose the school that I though would be best for me. There were a lot of different things between N.C. State and Martin, but I felt like N.C. State was home.

I want to learn from them. I want to do what I can to make a difference.

I think that will be amazing. It's always been a dream of mine to play big time volleyball.

I love the fact that they have a new coach. We just clicked automatically. (Coach Stubbs) was a friend of my club coach (Tyrone Jenkins). They have the same teaching techniques.

It's great. I set a goal for myself and I reached it. Now I've got to set a new one and keep on going.

They made a major mistake," he blurted out, "the dumb bastards, when they didn't start by killing you first."

"Benjamin Thomas Parish, that was the sweetest and most bizarre compliment anyone's ever given me."

I kissed him on the cheek. He kissed me on the mouth.

"You know," I whispered, "a year ago, I would have sold my soul for that."

He shook his head. "Not worth it." And, for one-ten thousandth of a second, all of it fell away, the despair and grief and anger and pain and hunger, and the old Ben Parish rose from the dead. The eyes that impaled. The smile that slayed. In another moment, he would fade, slide back into the new Ben, the one called Zombie, and I understood something I hadn't before: He was dead, the object of my schoolgirl desires, just as the schoolgirl who desired him was dead.