I came to the table, pulled up a chair, and sat.

“Everyone brought a pet. I feel left out.”

An enthusiastic howl broke the silence, and Grendel bounded through the doorway. He galloped through the steak house, skidded on the floor, smashed into my chair, and dropped a dead rat on my lap.

Awesome.


Ilona Andrews

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I found an empty chair
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I picked up the phone and dialed Andrea's extension.
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ILONA ANDREWS
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I opened a book and in I strode.
Now nobody can find me.
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He glued the chair to my ass."
Silence.
"Is it still...attached?"
"I can't get it off...
ILONA ANDREWS
The Mistake

He left his pants upon a chair:
She was a widow, so she said:
But h...
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Love, the exotic bird,
came and went.
Heart forgot love.
Joy, the majestic willow, <...
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My mind is like a little house,
My peers break into.
They rearrange my furniture,
And...
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The Chair


I’m writing to you, who made the archaic wooden chair
look like a ...
JAROD KINTZ
Place a beehive on my grave
And let the honey soak through.
When I'm dead and gone,
T...
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The phone rang. I picked it up.
“Are you sitting down?” Curran's voice asked.
“Yes...
ILONA ANDREWS
True story
This morning I jumped on my horse
And went for a ride,
And some wild outla...
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I had spent the day
friendless, lonely and sad,
a stranger to myself.


GULZAR
We try a new drug, a new combination
of drugs, and suddenly
I fall into my life again
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A farmer is sitting on his porch in a chair, hanging out.
A friend walks up to the porch to say...
AMANDA PALMER
They sat cross-legged on
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NATHANIEL MACKEY
Let my silence grow with noise
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Let my silence permea...
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The man walked past me and stopped, observing the blood running down my neck.

"Your injur...
DAVID WONG
What did he do to you?”

“This,” I said, holding up my hand. There was a shattering...
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I felt a Funeral, in my Brain,
And Mourners to and fro
Kept treading – treading – till...
EMILY DICKINSON
When the thunder rumbles,
Now the age of gold is dead.
When the dreams we've clung to
Tryin...
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Although, I admit, I desire,
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From the mute sky, I can't honest...
SYLVIA PLATH
As I was sitting in my chair,
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One! two! and through and through
The vorpal blade went snickersnack!
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My uncle ordered popovers
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h...
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Is this seat taken?” she asked him again, tapping on a chair at the table.
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VISIONS OF GRANDEUR

I'm walking through a sheet of glass instead of the door,
Flying...
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And a ton came down on a coloured road,
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The Children's Hour

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When the night is beginning t...
HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW
Solar Eclipse

Each morning
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I make a needle
from a ...
DIANE GLANCY
during my worst times
on the park benches
in the jails
or living with
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Ego Tripping

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I walked to the fertile crescent and bui...
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Why We Tell Stories

I
Because we used to have leaves
and on damp days ...
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Linger now with me, thou Beauty,
On the sharp archaic shore.
Surely 'tis a wastrel's dut...
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People are not an interruption of our business. People are our business.
A man's worst difficulties begin when he is able to do as he likes.
It is hard to look up to a leader who keeps his ear to the ground.
The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed.
The more intelligent a man is, the more originality he discovers in men. Ordinary people see no diff...
The intelligence is proved not by ease of learning, but by understanding what we learn.
Communication is something so simple and difficult that we can never put it in simple words.
Like threads of silver seen through crystal beads
Let love through good deeds show.
How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.
In everyone's heart stirs a great homesickness.
That is the supreme value of history. The study of it is the best guarantee against repeating it.
Our wisdom comes usually from our experience, and our experience comes largely from our experience.
One thing about the school of experience is that it will repeat the lesson if you flunk the first ti...
To reprove small faults within due vehemence, is as absurd as if a man should take a great hammer to...
Faith is like electricity. You can't see it, but you can see the light.
Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of...
Some families can trace their ancestors back three hundred years, but can't tell you where their chi...
A recent survey was said to prove that the people we Americans most admire are our politicians and d...
If a man defrauds you one time, he is a rascal; if he does it twice, you are a fool.
Flattery looks like friendship, just like a wolf looks like a dog.
Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
Courage is always greatest when blended with meekness; intellectual ability is most admired when it ...
Freedom also includes the right to mismanage your own affairs.
Let your friends be the friends of your deliberate choice.
The man who has strong opinions and always says what he thinks is courageous - and friendless.
Friendship is love with understanding.
So few people think. When we find one who really does, we call him a genius
Your life can't go according to plan if you have no plan.
Practicing the Golden Rule is not a sacrifice; it is an investment.
Conversation is an exercise of the mind; gossip is merely an exercise of the tongue.
An expert gossiper knows how much to leave out of a conversation
To live so that you would not be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip, is to have li...
Gossip is sometimes referred to as halitosis of the mind
If you would attain greatness, think no little thoughts.
We are born brave, trusting and greedy, and most of us remain greedy.
People are changed, not by coercion or intimidation, but by example.
Children are natural mimics; they act like their parents in spite of every effort to teach them good...
The guilty catch themselves.
Good habits are formed; bad habits we fall into.
If happiness could be brought, few of us could pay the price.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
Hatred is a boomerang which is sure to hit you harder than the one at whom you throw it.
Hate pollutes the mind.
If we miraculously became the people we hate, how lovable we would find ourselves.
To feel "fit as a fiddle" you must tone down your middle.
Our health always seems much more valuable after we lose it.
A patient going to a doctor for his first visit was asked, "And whom did you consult before coming t...
"Oh," replied his patient, with no malice aforethought, "he told me to come and see you."
It is impossible to make wisdom hereditary.
Honesty is a question of right or wrong, not a matter of policy.
It is a pleasure to give advice, humiliating to need it, normal to ignore it.
It is almost impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
Too many people confine their exercise to jumping to conclusions, running up bills, stretching the t...
Imagination was given man to compensate for what he is not, and a sense of humor to console him for ...
Humor - the perfect relationship of the parts to the whole.
Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth - a sense of humor.
"What made the deepest impression upon you?" inquired a friend one day of Lincoln, "when you stood i...
It isn't easy for an idea to squeeze itself into a head filled with prejudice.
Too many people run out of ideas long before they run out of words.
Imagination is the pontoon bridge making way for the timid feet of reason.
Practical observation commonly consists of collecting a few facts and loading them with guesses.
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Having supplied them with names, omnipotence, justice, knowledge, Providence, - what are they?

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I clappe...
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Oh no, is it naked time?
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This doesn't mean you're getting a discount."
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Please, Kate. Suspend your dislike of me for a few moments and listen to what I have to say. It make...
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He leaned his head to me, his neck so close to my lips, I felt the heat coming off his skin. His bre...
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He poked his finger into my chest again. “Well, I have something to tell you: don’t let the sun ...
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I can't give you the white picket fence, and if I did, you'd set it on fire.
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Just stay close to us. If we get in trouble, we'll kill everything.
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He was going to take a dive into this lake. He just didn’t know it. Cerise rose, finding footing i...
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I would try being friends with her, but she's too busy being a smartass."

"Now you know h...
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The good doctor put a spoon of tea into my honey." "You're drinking tea a honey badger made," Jim sa...
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My point is, I would never hurt you or your family.”
I raised my chin at him. “If you tried...
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This is payback, isn't it?" Jim glared at me. "Don't be ridiculous," I told him. "As the Consort of ...
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Look, he isn’t even concerned.”
I poured the tea. “He’s concerned, Mother. He just does...
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Why were you in a vehicle with Kate, alone? What were you wearing? What was she wearing? How long we...
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Enough," Curran said. An unmistakable command saturated his voice. Jim clicked his mouth shut. I cro...
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Who snitched?"
"We have people monitoring police radio frequencies. They gave Jim a heads-up in...
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Tall, with skin the color of rich coffee, and dressed all in black, Jim looked like he was carved fr...
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I know it's late, but could you find a book for me? It's called The Slavs: Study of Pagan Tradition ...
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You know anything about investigative work?"
"Sure. Annoy the people involved until the guilt p...
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An evil spark flared in his eyes. "Trade: raccoon for some answers.
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Because you are the one. You are better than me in some things, and I am better than you in others.....
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Kaldar smiled at her. Now there was a work of art. If she were just a girl and he were just a man, a...
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She was pretty sure that if you died in the South, you'd have a layover in Atlanta before you reache...
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You enjoyed it. It made you feel alive. You were looking kind of green."

You bastard....
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When walking into the lair of the dragon after robbing his hoard, the least you could do is hold you...
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Breaking into the house in the middle of the night just wasn't his style. He did his best work in pl...
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The heavy eyelids snapped open. Jack froze.
A huge gold-and-amber eye, as big as a dinner plat...
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Audrey turned to him, a sly little spark hiding in her eyes. "THe only man who gets to call me'love'...
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Oh, I don't know. I might grow on you."
She furrowed her pretty eyebrows. "Like a cancer?"
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Did I ever tell you that you are like sunshine in the middle of the night?
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I need you to get down there, open the stalls inside, and panic the horses.”
“ ‘Panic’?...
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Audrey kept moving with practiced quickness, stepping over roots protruding over the trail and pushi...
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The way she sat now, leaning forward frowning, biting her pink bottom lip, her shirt dipping to reve...
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He hit her with his best smile. Her eyes widened. She took a deep breath. 'Oh no, not that seductive...
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"No, just breathing hard, love." He glanced at he...
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I never wanted to marry anyone before,” he said. “When two people marry, they surrender a small ...
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Ask a man how much a dollar is worth, and he'll tell you, 'Almost nothing.' Try to take a dollar awa...
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Stealers, keepers.
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Oh, so it was a lifesaving kiss."

"Well, if you want to put it that way..."

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I wouldn’t put it past you,” Kaldar said. “Or him. Who knows what the hell he might do?”
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Well, shit," Dobe said. "I guess you're familiar with the law. You hit it over the head, set its hou...
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Congratulations," he said, his voice dry. "You finally managed to find a woman as tragically noble a...
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The judge's massive eyebrows crept up. "Kaldar. Are you the one speaking for the plaintiff today?" <...
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Grandpa?" Declan raised his eyebrows.
"We keep him in the shed out back," Jack said helpfully. ...
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Behind him Kaldar nudged Urow's youngest son. "Bet you he lasts at least thirty seconds."
"Um.....
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She surveyed the carnage behind him. "Did you have fun?"
He showed her his teeth. "Yes.
ILONA ANDREWS
Failure happened. The trick was to accept the risk and try anyway.
ILONA ANDREWS
You say the sweetest things. And that spaghetti perfume you're wearing is to die for. No hobo could ...
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He had the prettiest hair she had ever seen on a man: dark brown, almost black, and soft like sable,...
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You said he was a soldier. You don't suppose...?"
"Oh, Gods." Ignata blinked. "You think someth...
ILONA ANDREWS
It depends. If I don't let you in, will you huff and puff and blow my house down?"
She had no ...
ILONA ANDREWS
Oh, Gods."
His eyes shone with want and predatory satisfaction. "The name's William. It's a com...
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Some women waited for a night in shining armor. She, apparently, had ended up with a knight in black...
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It could be worse," he said finally. "Efrenia married an arsonist. Jake's wife is a kleptomaniac. I ...
ILONA ANDREWS
How is it different?"
He rolled his head back, sable hair falling down on his shoulders. "With ...
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Shane lowered his glasses on his nose and gave me his version of a severe stare.
I leaned a lit...
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You'll lose."
"What makes you so sure?"
"You have no discipline. All you do is tear down s...
ILONA ANDREWS
I know you'll tell me to fuck off, but I think Curran loves you. Truly loves you. And I think you lo...
ILONA ANDREWS
Oh my God, she was retarded and I was going to kill Jim.
ILONA ANDREWS
You sure you don't need your Prince Charming to come and save you?"
The knot in my stomach eva...
ILONA ANDREWS
I also stole a small yellow doughnut from the box of Duncan's doughnuts in the rec room and fed it t...
ILONA ANDREWS
Rene, you want us to find you-don't-know-who and to retrieve his you-don't-know-what for you-won't-t...
ILONA ANDREWS
If the lot of you survives, Curran will flay the skin off your backs," Doolittle said.
"That's ...
ILONA ANDREWS
Tiny gold sparks flared in his irises. "You're in my rooms in my bathtub naked and you're still mout...
ILONA ANDREWS
Hi, Your Majesty, we drugged your love muffin and then let her walk out into the dark, in the sn...
ILONA ANDREWS
Kate Daniels, deadly swordmaster. Fear my twitching pinkie.
ILONA ANDREWS
I've never seen such a collection of idiots in my whole life.' Doolittle shook his head. 'If you par...
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I'm counting to ten in my head."
"Is it helping?"
"No."
"It doesn't help me with you ...
ILONA ANDREWS
I glanced at Derek. The boy wonder didn't melt into a pile of goo, although his gaze was glued to Ro...
ILONA ANDREWS
Secret to what?"
"Secret to shutting you up," he said. "I just have to beat you till you're hal...
ILONA ANDREWS
I've read your summary."
"And?"
"It's not incompetent."
Be still, my heart, so I don'...
ILONA ANDREWS
I'll call you," he repeated.
"If you call me, I won't pick up the phone."
"You will wait b...
ILONA ANDREWS
I flexed my wrist, popped a silver needle into my palm, and offered it to him.
'What's this?' ILONA ANDREWS
If I fought for them and was crippled, they would all say nice things,and then they would replace me...
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When I'm with him, I can feel myself getting better. It's like he's picking up broken pieces of me a...
ILONA ANDREWS
You know," she said, stirring her tea, "the fastest way to get him off your back is to sleep with hi...
ILONA ANDREWS
He lunged for the maps. I grabbed the chair and hit him with it. He went down. I hit him again to ma...
ILONA ANDREWS
You will not pass!” Roman thundered.
Great. Now he had decided he was Gandalf.
ILONA ANDREWS
I'll be busy for the next eight weeks, so let's set this for November 15th.
MENU
I wan...
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No more tubs for me." I jumped off the bed and pulled on a pair of Pack sweats. "They make me lose a...
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This man was a rogue, not because circumstances forced him to be a criminal but because he was born ...
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Not only will you sleep with me, but you will say 'please.'"
I stared at him, shocked.
Th...
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Andrea raised her hand. “This is the hand that slapped Aunt B.”
“Maybe you should have it...
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She handed him a glass of water and two Aleve gelcaps. “They’re anti-inflammatories. They will d...
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I know people who will gently persuade you to be forthcoming.
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You think he's got 'government badass' tattooed on his chest?" I murmured.
A faint grimace skew...
ILONA ANDREWS
I hit him on the back of the neck. He submerged. Help. I've drowned the Beast Lord.
ILONA ANDREWS
The vampire leaned forward, tapping a scimitar claw. "Is that a lion with horns and a pitchfork?" ILONA ANDREWS The first rule of etiquette a boy learns when he's about to enter
society is that civility is d...
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Everybody has something, that one thing they must do to feel happy. I think this is yours, and I wan...
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Cats randomly refuse to follow orders to prove they can.
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Your sword is made out of your grandmother’s bones?”
“Okay, I see how it sounds weird whe...
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And then what?"
"I'll burn that bridge when I cross it.
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If you come back to me, I'll never leave you", I whispered into the furry ear. "I'll make you all th...
ILONA ANDREWS
Estene aleera hesaad de viren aneda." And now, you are forever mine.
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What’s this ”
“A needle.”
“What should I do with it ” He’d walked right into...
ILONA ANDREWS
Cute. I think I would prefer to be stabbed in the eye rather than be called cute.
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ILONA ANDREWS
Curran shrugged and pulled me back to him. 'You don't pick the family you're born into. You pick the...
ILONA ANDREWS
Give me an opportunity to fail," Saiman said. "I promise my corpse won't interrupt your 'I told you ...
ILONA ANDREWS
Kate's Speciality: Killing things, with much bloodshed. Talking trash, infuriating authority. Drivin...
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You snore worse. At least I don't turn into a lion in my sleep."
"I only did it once."
"On...
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You’re taking a nap? Come on, Kate, I need you for this fight. Stop lying around.”
“You m...
ILONA ANDREWS
Aha! So I’m not crazy.”
“You are most definitely crazy,” Derek said. “But in a derang...
ILONA ANDREWS
I think you’re confused as to the nature of our relationship. You and I, we don’t get along. You...
ILONA ANDREWS
I turned to leave and paused before the gap in the ruined wall. "One last thing, Your Majesty. I'd l...
ILONA ANDREWS
Did he just rip out the engine?" I asked.
"Yes", Saiman said. "And now he is demolishing the Ma...
ILONA ANDREWS
Saiman reached into the trunk and pulled out a pink tulle tutu.
“No.”
“Yes.” ILONA ANDREWS
I take back what I said about the donkey,’’ Ascanio said. ‘’She’s awesome
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You can’t blame me,” Ascanio said. “Anybody in my place would be concerned. You don’t even h...
ILONA ANDREWS
Ascanio..."
"Yes, Consort?"
"I think you misunderstand the whole nature of what it means t...
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I've been assigned to bodyguard you."
You've got to be kidding me.
Derek snorted. ILONA ANDREWS
swore. “Barabas said you might say that. I’m supposed to tell you this.” Ascanio cleared his t...
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Because that's what it would catch in the wild, a boar, right? I can't wait to see a pack of bunnyca...
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Sit your ass down, Don Juanabe," Derek said.
"Don Juanabe?" Ascanio pulled out his swords.
ILONA ANDREWS
Okay, pull me up."
The rope didn't move.
"Ascanio?" What was it now? Did he see a butterfl...
ILONA ANDREWS
Say 'pop.'"
"Pop?"
"That was the sound of me pulling your head out of your ass.
ILONA ANDREWS
And how did your day go?" I asked Ascanio.
He turned to me, a dreamy look on his pretty face....
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Quick, Derek, it's your chance to shine," Ascanio said.
Derek gave him a withering look.
"...
ILONA ANDREWS
Desandra shrugged her shoulders. "Hey, Kate? Have you thought of walking up to Hugh and telling him ...
ILONA ANDREWS
Put your badass faces on and follow me.
ILONA ANDREWS
Her face looked like it would shatter any second.
ILONA ANDREWS
One day I'll kill him, you know.
I glanced at her. She was deadly serious.
ILONA ANDREWS
Andrea raised her eyebrows. "Look at you, all high-speed."
"Yeah, you'd think I was a detective...
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She put her hands over her face. Ah crap. What do I do now? Do I say something, do I not say somethi...
ILONA ANDREWS
Andrea, in less than twelve hours, Atlanta will be full of demons. They will kill, feed, and release...
ILONA ANDREWS
Are you happy?
When I can get out of my own way.
And the rest of the time?
The rest o...
ILONA ANDREWS
It's not a loup cage, you know,' I told her. 'It's a holding cell. Or safe room. or secure room. I d...
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Who is there with you?"

"Raphael"

Kate's voice snapped. "I'll be in Atlanta in...
ILONA ANDREWS
Derek, you just don't say things like that to a woman. Keep going this way and you'll spend your lif...
ILONA ANDREWS
We can do subtle," I assured her.
"It's our middle name," Andrea added.
For some odd reaso...
ILONA ANDREWS
He glued the chair to my ass."
Silence.
"Is it still...attached?"
"I can't get it off...
ILONA ANDREWS
Who is Hunter Becker?"
"Becker the Gory? Lighthouse Keepers? Boston?"
"I would've preferre...
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We don't need teenage bouda sex fiends as interns.
How do you know he is a sex fiend?
He i...
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Would you like to work here with me?
We have no clients and the pay is shit.
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Aha," Andrea said. "I'm going to ignore that you just referred to yourself as 'sugar woogums'.
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What do you mean fainted?
Took a dive, kissed the pavement. Swooned like a southern belle after...
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I got a dog-training book. It says Grendel needs mental stimulation, so I tried to train him, but I ...
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Are you sure you know where you're going?" Andrea frowned.
"Would you like me to pull over and ...
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It’s your duty as my best friend to be outraged with me.”
“I’m outraged!” I snarled....
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I have a serious question."

"I will give a serious answer."

"Can a god be kill...
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I batted my eyelashes and did my best to appear dumb as a board
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The dark scary servant of all evil was on his way to rescue me. Somehow that thought failed to make ...
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Your favorite volhv showed up half an hour ago, complaining about his lack of sleep and stupid gods....
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Some people had attack dogs. Ghastek had attack lawyers.
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The door swung open and Kate walked in. Her jeans and T-shirt were splattered with blood and she was...
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My mind struggled to formulate a coherent though, any thought. I opened my mouth. "Your pajamas have...
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Only poor people are weird. Rich people are eccentric.
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I was so happy to be out of there. “Barabas, if you weren’t batting
for the other team, I�...
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I gave him my Order smile: sweet grin, hard eyes, reached over to my passenger seat, and pulled out ...
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You think this is some sort of comedy going on here?” Collins gave him his tough stare.
A lit...
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Bad days, good days, ‘I’ll cut you if you look at me the wrong way’ days. I’ll take them all...
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You’re touching me,” I chided him.
He caressed my back, sliding his hand down, hitting eve...
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Raphael turned me over and looked at me, his face close to mine. "You and I will never be done.You'r...
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Are you implying that our relationship is like a Spanish soap opera?”

“I’m not imp...
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Kate stood by the door with her arms crossed.
That was an anti-Curran pose. What the hell was t...
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Someone pounded on the office door. Barabas moved to the door, slid aside the metal shutter covering...
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My tablecloth was missing in action and long, jagged scratches covered the table's surface.The scrat...
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Since we’re playing that game… I tilted my face up to his and gave him a lovesick gaze.
“...
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The rage of the Beast Lord was a terrible thing to behold. Some people stormed, some punched things,...
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At first glance you looked at Kate and thought “fighter,” maybe merc. Five inches taller than me...
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Curran and Kate stood by the door.
“I can’t believe you decided to come down here and check...
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You’re the most experienced investigator I’ve got who’s not tied up in something, and I can’...
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Kate smirked.
"What?"
"Your horse looks pink."
"So?"
"If you paste some stars on...
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It’s never a good thing when the black volhv says “Uh-oh” and then runs for his life.
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Our standard rate. A doubloon a day."
It was generous. More than generous--some families would ...
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So, regarding that tidbit about your having a fertile imagination when it comes to private activitie...
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Rumors said that if he got drunk enough, he sometimes got his jollies by stripping naked and scaring...
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The decorator of Las Colimas must have been a great admirer of both early Aztec and late Taco Bell a...
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Fuck the pack. I gave them fifteen years of my life. I fought for them, bled for them, and the momen...
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Because he has the best equipment in the City and he knows how to use it!
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I'm welding the bimbo room shut.
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Was his body made out of orange rocks and did he at any point yell 'It's clobbering time'?"
"I ...
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