I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

A full fridge is like an empty one: What am I going to eat?

Big food companies flatter us by telling us how busy we are and they simultaneously convince us that we are helpless. I am moderately busy, but not all that helpless. Neither are you.

To food people, this is like making the Olympic team,

Best National or Local Television Food Segment.

Anyone who can fail to rejoice in the enticing squish/crunch of a fast-food French fry, or the delight of a warmed piece of grocery-store donut, is living half a life