I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

My boyfriend and I live together, which means we don't have sex—ever. Now that the milk is free, we've both become lactose intolerant.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.