This is the sixty-nine,†I told him,
presenting the magazine in front of him. I put my fingers—two of them
—on the action, so that he would not overlook it. “Why is it dubbed
sixty-nine?†he asked, because he is a person hot on fire with curiosity.
“It was invented in 1969. My friend Gregory knows a friend of the
nephew of the inventor.†“What did people do before 1969?†“Merely
blowjobs and masticating box, but never in chorus.†He will be made a
VIP if I have a thing to do with it.
This is where the story begins.
But first I am burdened to recite my good appearance. I am unequivocally
tall. I do not know any women who are taller than me. The
women I know who are taller than me are lesbians, for whom 1969 was a
very momentous year.
— Jonathan Safran Foer
69everything-is-illuminatedhumor