Guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke.

If I cannot smoke cigars in Heaven, I shall not go

The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to smoke, to meet together convivially, to laugh, to joke, and tell indelicate stories— and mainly, a yearning to paint pictures.

Too much of anything is bad, but too much of good whiskey is barely enough.

Emperors, kings, artisians, peasens, big people---at the bottom we are all alike and all the same; all just alike on the inside, and when our clothes are off, nobody can tell which of us is which.

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress.