Girls mature faster than boys, cost more to raise, and statistics show that the old saw about girls not knowing about money and figures is a myth. Girls start to outspend boys before puberty—and they manage to maintain this lead until death or an ugly credit manager, whichever comes first. Males are born with a closed fist. Girls are born with the left hand cramped in a position the size of an American Express card. Whenever a girl sees a sign reading, “Sale, Going Out of Business, Liquidation,” saliva begins to form in her mouth, the palms of her hands perspire and the pituitary gland says, “Go, Mama.” In the male, it is quite a different story. He has a gland that follows a muscle from the right arm down to the base of his billfold pocket. It's called “cheap.” Girls can slam a door louder, beg longer, turn tears on and off like a faucet, and invented the term, “You don't trust me.” So much for “sugar and spice and everything nice” and “snips and snails and puppydog tails.
Erma Bombeck
Related I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ... KELLY JONES Empathy is the new measurement of everything. It doesn't matter what religion you have, what God you... C. JOYBELL C. You're still lovely," Mor said a bit gently. Elain offered a half smile. "I suppose that war m... SARAH J. MAAS Absoballylutely top hole, wot. A and B the C of D I'd say. . . Above and Beyond the Call of Duty. BRIAN JACQUES The issue isn't whether he loved you, it's how much. Too much. Love can be poison SARAH J. MAAS I am broken and healing, but every piece of my heart belong to you. SARAH J. MAAS He thinks he'll be remembered as the villain in the story. But I forgot to tell him that the villain... SARAH J. MAAS Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no wife, hold ... GEORGE R.R. MARTIN Hodor," said Hodor. GEORGE R.R. MARTIN You do what you love, what you need SARAH J. MAAS I turned. Rhysand leaned against the archway into the sitting room, arms crossed, wings nowhere... SARAH J. MAAS When a lot of voices, make up a noise, the man who is silent represents a voice. APURVA GAGLANI You must save what you can of your life; you musn't lose it all simply because you've lost a part. HENRY JAMES History is a wheel, for the nature of man is fundamentally unchanging. What has happened before will... GEORGE R.R. MARTIN Each man lives in his own universe and when he dies the world is over BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA Beaming into the thick of a tree without becoming a lifelong tree hugger was a tricky business. A pr... CHRISTINA ENGELA (All the grief she had suffered over her lifetime had moulded her face into a mask of eternal sadnes... JEAN SASSON You're full of contradictions, Ms. Wallace." I looked up at him and arched a brow. "I'm a girl... TAMMARA WEBBER She made a fence of phrases, which seemed a treachery to herself. ELIZABETH TAYLOR You are the blood of the dragon. You can make a hat. GEORGE R.R. MARTIN I am often asked how it is that I am able to value people to such a deep degree. Apparently, I exhib... C. JOYBELL C. We have tears in our eyes As we wave our goodbyes, We so loved being with you, we three. ROALD DAHL I want to share this bed with you, though," I breathed. "I want you to hold me." Stars flicker... SARAH J. MAAS I frowned at the eye in my palm. "What, literally shout at the tattoo?" "You could try rubbing ... SARAH J. MAAS She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just ... STEPHEN CHBOSKY So, I guess we are who we are for alot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even... STEPHEN CHBOSKY I love my mom so much. I don't care if that's corny to say. I think on my next birthday, I'm going t... STEPHEN CHBOSKY We Are All Infinite STEPHEN CHBOSKY You can't just sit there and put everyone's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You ... STEPHEN CHBOSKY I saw other people there. Old men sitting alone. Young girls with blue eye shadow and awkward jaws. ... STEPHEN CHBOSKY That one moment when you know you are not a sad story. You are ALIVE. STEPHAN CHBOSKY Somos quienes somos por un montón de razones.Quizás nunca conozcamos la mayoría de ellas.Pero aun... STEPHEN CHBOSKY Ambos dijeron que tomara asiento y parecían hablar en serio, así que me senté. STEPHEN CHBOSKY I know these will all be stories some day, and our pictures will become old photographs. We all beco... STEPHEN CHBOSKY So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybewe'll never know most of them. STEPHEN CHBOSKY So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. STEPHEN CHBOSKY There's nothing like the deep breathes after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore st... STHEPHEN CHBOSKY no more pencils, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks, when the teacher rings the bell, drop... STEPHEN CHBOSKY I don't know the significance of this, but I find it very interesting. STEPHEN CHBOSKY Maybe it’s sad that these are now memories. And maybe it’s not sad. STEPHEN CHBOSKY She was scarcely a year older than I was, dark-haired, slender, with a face that would break your he... GEORGE R.R. MARTIN Males are horrible creatures, aren’t they? SARAH J. MAAS I wish I was home", She said miserably. She tried so hard to be brave, to be fierce as a... GEORGE R.R. MARTIN The only way he could have her was to shatter this stubborn faith of hers. In doing so, would he sha... FRANCINE RIVERS The scientific method gives us
information by testing and repeating observable things so that we
can... LEWIS N. ROE Well, you can't know it without something having been sneezed. A.A. MILNE We'll be Friends Forever, won't we, Pooh?' asked Piglet. Even longer,' Pooh answered.” ... A.A. MILNE Never give up on you. In order to make a difference you would have to somehow be different. JOHNNIE DENT JR. I was not a pet, not a doll, not an animal. I was a survivor, and I was strong. I would no... SARAH J. MAAS I sipped from my wine. "And if he had grabbed me?" There was nothing but uncompromising w... SARAH J. MAAS There you are. I've been looking for you. His first words to me— not a lie at a... SARAH J. MAAS I was not prey any longer, I decided as I eased up to that door. And I was not a mouse. I ... SARAH J. MAAS No one was my master— but I might be master of everything, if I wished. If I dared. SARAH J. MAAS He drained his glass. "I made a mistake." "It's not the end of the world if you do that every n... SARAH J. MAAS I will kill anyone who harms you," Rhys snarled. "I will kill them, and take a damn long time doing ... SARAH J. MAAS Julia poured tea gracefully, but it all ran over into the saucers. ELIZABETH TAYLOR The next day, the villages came closer together until the beginnings and endings could no longer be ... PATRICK W. CARR It appeared to Harriet that she was always the one who remembered having seen other people. They nev... ELIZABETH TAYLOR Would you like me to grovel with gratitude for bringing me here, High Lord?" "Ah. The Suriel to... SARAH J. MAAS Some people never take a chance and never know what it's like to live life to the full. CHLOE THURLOW How lucky I am to have known somebody and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful. EVANS G. VALENS Look to your heart and soul first, rather than looking to your head first, when choosing. Rather tha... JEFFREY R. ANDERSON We begin to fight. The wind and I. Horns locked. Battling each other with elements. LAURA DOCKRILL Oh, I should probably set a few ground rules before we do this.” “Oh?” I turn at the wais... J.A. REDMERSKI Aemon’s blind white eyes came open. “Egg?” he said, as the rain streamed down his cheeks. “E... GEORGE R.R. MARTIN If I provide for this life and turn away from the Lord, I am wise for a moment, but lost forever. FRANCINE RIVERS The only way he could have her was to shatter this stubborn faith of hers. In doing so, would he sha... FRANCINE RIVERS Because death is the only thing that could have ever kept him from you. ALLY CARTER That boy had wanted to be Ser Arthur Dayne, but someplace along the way he had become the Smiling Kn... GEORGE R.R. MARTIN I began by saying that our history will be what we make it. If we go on as we are, then history will... EDWARD R. MURROW She was infamous once upon a time. She's legendary now. The girl is a definite force to be reckoned ... REBECCA HARRIS His life seemed like a deck of cards, and in the midst of all those two’s and three’s someone ha... TEKOA MANNING I feel so honored to be able to say "What I do is for my son" without that being an excuse to do stu... C. JOYBELL C. Daring to dream is not difficult, it's making them come true that is hard... NANETTE L. AVERY We die a day at a time BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA I was very grateful to have heard it again. Because I guess we all forget sometimes. And I think eve... STEPHEN CHBOSKY I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if... STEPHEN CHBOSKY Why is England manufacturing bigger and better airplanes and bombs and at the same time churning out... ANNE FRANK So many guys try to show off to a girl by boasting of their financial assets and flashing their cash... MIYA YAMANOUCHI Boys are idiots. Girls are idiots, too, of course, but boys are a special kind of idiot.<... JOSH LIEB It was a comet. The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went a... LUCAS SCOTT oh. she heard it too-no waters coursing, canyon empty, sun soundless- ... BARBARA BLATNER I could simply kill you now, get it over with, who would know the difference... BARBARA BLATNER ...gripping the rim of the sink you claw your way to stand and cling there, ... BARBARA BLATNER blue-gold sky, fresh cloud, emerald-black mountain, trees on rocky ledges, o... BARBARA BLATNER He's gawking at me when I open the door. "Damn girl," he says, looking me over, "what the hell... J.A. REDMERSKI I think the purest of souls, those with the most fragile of hearts, must be meant for a short life. ... EMM COLE Language is my whore, my mistress, my wife, my pen-friend, my check-out girl. Language is a complime... STEPHEN FRY To the people who look at the stars and wish, Rhys." Rhys clinked his glass against mine. “To... SARAH J. MAAS When you spend so long trapped in darkness, you find that the darkness begins to stare back. SARAH J. MAAS Many atrocities, have been done in the name of the greater good. SARAH J. MAAS But I forgot to tell him,” I said quietly, opening the door, “that the villain is usually the pe... SARAH J. MAAS Dreams, just dreams, it's all illusion BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA In a world in which the common rule which binds and regulates what the general masses feel is underm... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH you left and i wanted you still yet i deserved someone who was willing to stay RUPI KAUR You deserve to be with somebody, who knows you're the one, from that very first moment he lays eyes ... C. JOYBELL C. Who is the first farmer? The good book says: God planted a garden. So God is the first, then Adam, a... SOTONYE ANGA Who are we if not the stories we pass down? What happens when there's no one left to tell those stor... CARRIE RYAN He wanted to argue like this forever. This was better than nothing. There was no exhausting his ange... DAVID DUCHOVNY When you are called for a great duty because you have been given a great ability, do your very best ... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH
More Erma Bombeck
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. ERMA BOMBECK I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a s... ERMA BOMBECK If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it. ERMA BOMBECK When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn'... ERMA BOMBECK Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other. ERMA BOMBECK Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly ad... ERMA BOMBECK Children make your life important. ERMA BOMBECK I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout... ERMA BOMBECK My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrige... ERMA BOMBECK In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. ERMA BOMBECK When God Created Mothers" When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth ... ERMA BOMBECK When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of ta... ERMA BOMBECK Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart. ERMA BOMBECK There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. ERMA BOMBECK But doctor, where is the umbilical cord? New technology, it's wireless. ERMA BOMBECK When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it. ERMA BOMBECK Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice' ? ERMA BOMBECK You already know something you don't even know that you know. ERMA BOMBECK Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popula... ERMA BOMBECK God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. ERMA BOMBECK I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. ERMA BOMBECK How does a doctor feel when he loses a patient in the emergency room? The same way a child feels wh... ERMA BOMBECK I finally found a doctor with a lot of patients, and he didn't have any patience to listen to me. ERMA BOMBECK What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hol... ERMA BOMBECK Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. ERMA BOMBECK It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. ERMA BOMBECK It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows. ERMA BOMBECK There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ERMA BOMBECK Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other. ERMA BOMBECK Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times... ERMA BOMBECK What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when... ERMA BOMBECK When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of ta... ERMA BOMBECK I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: Checkout Time... ERMA BOMBECK I'm trying very hard to understand this generation. They have adjusted the timetable for childbearin... ERMA BOMBECK My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's ha... ERMA BOMBECK We've got a generation now who were born with semi equality. They don't know how it was before, so t... ERMA BOMBECK Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned,... ERMA BOMBECK If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair. ERMA BOMBECK Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. ERMA BOMBECK My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed un... ERMA BOMBECK Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity... ERMA BOMBECK My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigera... ERMA BOMBECK Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. ERMA BOMBECK When God was creating fathers, He started with a tall frame. An angel nearby said, What kind of fath... ERMA BOMBECK You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're mergi... ERMA BOMBECK Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's... ERMA BOMBECK Never accept a drink from a Urologist. ERMA BOMBECK I am not a glutton -- I am an explorer of food. ERMA BOMBECK It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of supersophisticated communication, we often suffer ... ERMA BOMBECK Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide. ERMA BOMBECK It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. -Erma Bombeck. ERMA BOMBECK Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead. ERMA BOMBECK It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding... ERMA BOMBECK Skiing: I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill ERMA BOMBECK I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food ERMA BOMBECK Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contempora... ERMA BOMBECK No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their... ERMA BOMBECK It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of supersophisticated communication, we often suffe... ERMA BOMBECK It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. ERMA BOMBECK By the age of six the average child will have completed the basic American education.... From televi... ERMA BOMBECK My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance ERMA BOMBECK I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent. ERMA BOMBECK Vacation is what you take when you can't take what you've been taking any longer. ERMA BOMBECK When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of ta... ERMA BOMBECK Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold ... ERMA BOMBECK Great dreams... never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dream... ERMA BOMBECK One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of ... ERMA BOMBECK I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I... ERMA BOMBECK For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my hu... ERMA BOMBECK Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It... ERMA BOMBECK The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. ERMA BOMBECK Never have more children than you have car windows. ERMA BOMBECK Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it w... ERMA BOMBECK Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gift... ERMA BOMBECK Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians ... ERMA BOMBECK Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you... ERMA BOMBECK When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of ta... ERMA BOMBECK Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely. ERMA BOMBECK Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone? ERMA BOMBECK Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old. ERMA BOMBECK I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a st... ERMA BOMBECK People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same... ERMA BOMBECK On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the s... ERMA BOMBECK Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. ERMA BOMBECK Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog ... ERMA BOMBECK My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are u... ERMA BOMBECK When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the... ERMA BOMBECK I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. ERMA BOMBECK Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishe... ERMA BOMBECK Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy. ERMA BOMBECK In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television. ERMA BOMBECK Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you. ERMA BOMBECK A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend-and he's a priest. ERMA BOMBECK A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. ERMA BOMBECK Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, No, thank you, to dessert that night. And for... ERMA BOMBECK Next to hot chicken soup, a tattoo of an anchor on your chest, and penicillin, I consider a honeymoo... ERMA BOMBECK All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white... ERMA BOMBECK Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians ... ERMA BOMBECK When humor goes, there goes civilization. ERMA BOMBECK There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ERMA BOMBECK Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments. ERMA BOMBECK It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows ERMA BOMBECK I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from... ERMA BOMBECK For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy. ERMA BOMBECK God created man, but I could do better. ERMA BOMBECK House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad. ERMA BOMBECK If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. ERMA BOMBECK I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got ... ERMA BOMBECK As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I ... ERMA BOMBECK In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. ERMA BOMBECK I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many fa... ERMA BOMBECK A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. ERMA BOMBECK Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for ... ERMA BOMBECK Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide. ERMA BOMBECK When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if ... ERMA BOMBECK I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. ERMA BOMBECK If I had my life to live over... Someone asked me the other day if I had my life t... ERMA BOMBECK There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after s... ERMA BOMBECK When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if... ERMA BOMBECK I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along. . . . ERMA BOMBECK Dreams have but one owner at a time. That is why dreamers are lonely. ERMA BOMBECK Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents nev... ERMA BOMBECK When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. ERMA BOMBECK You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, ... ERMA BOMBECK Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy. ERMA BOMBECK I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair. ERMA BOMBECK I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've nev... ERMA BOMBECK The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are thre... ERMA BOMBECK In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television. ERMA BOMBECK Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother. ERMA BOMBECK Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. ERMA BOMBECK If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it. ERMA BOMBECK When you're an orthodox worrier, some days are worse than others ERMA BOMBECK When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog... ERMA BOMBECK Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old. ERMA BOMBECK A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. ERMA BOMBECK I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. BY all accou... ERMA BOMBECK Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, "No, thank you," to dessert that night. And f... ERMA BOMBECK Never order food in excess of your body weight. ERMA BOMBECK The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going to... ERMA BOMBECK No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday. ERMA BOMBECK It is fast approaching the point where I don't want to elect anyone stupid enough to want the job. ERMA BOMBECK As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all ... ERMA BOMBECK Phrases and their actual meanings: "My teacher has never liked me." Expect a phone call before lunch... ERMA BOMBECK I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, "Never mind! I'll do it myself." ERMA BOMBECK You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if... ERMA BOMBECK Have you any idea how many kids it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one t... ERMA BOMBECK Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the... ERMA BOMBECK Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip. ERMA BOMBECK Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip. ERMA BOMBECK I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 dire... ERMA BOMBECK Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten... ERMA BOMBECK Housework can kill you if done right. ERMA BOMBECK I was going to have inner peace if I had to break a few heads to do it. ERMA BOMBECK My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerato... ERMA BOMBECK Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishe... ERMA BOMBECK It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have ... ERMA BOMBECK The grass is always greener over the septic tank. ERMA BOMBECK Housework, if you do it right, will kill you. ERMA BOMBECK A child develops individuality long before he develops taste. I have seen my kid straggle into the k... ERMA BOMBECK A child develops individuality long before he discovers taste ERMA BOMBECK Housework can kill you if done right ERMA BOMBECK People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same... ERMA BOMBECK I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: ''Checkout Ti... ERMA BOMBECK What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere? ERMA BOMBECK The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had ... ERMA BOMBECK If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits? ERMA BOMBECK There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's... ERMA BOMBECK Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown. ERMA BOMBECK The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect ... ERMA BOMBECK Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but moth... ERMA BOMBECK I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying "Open!"... ERMA BOMBECK Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work... ERMA BOMBECK Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, it's unplanned... ERMA BOMBECK At some point in your life if you're lucky you throw practicality to the wind and
start living. ERMA BOMBECK There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, "Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've... ERMA BOMBECK Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that ... ERMA BOMBECK For years [my wedding ring] has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my ... ERMA BOMBECK Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time. ERMA BOMBECK If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits? ERMA BOMBECK Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until... ERMA BOMBECK There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ERMA BOMBECK One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of ... ERMA BOMBECK Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you. ERMA BOMBECK There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it... ERMA BOMBECK I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. ERMA BOMBECK A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. ERMA BOMBECK How come anything you buy will go on sale next week? ERMA BOMBECK What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere? ERMA BOMBECK Never let anyone treat you like regular glue. You're glitter glue. ERMA BOMBECK As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all... ERMA BOMBECK You couldn't get me on Mars if it were the last place on earth. ERMA COHEN Companions were not allowed to lie. I don’t know why. I had tried a few times when I was young to ... ERMA I TALAMANTE