England once there lived a big<br />And wonderfully clever pig.<br />To everybody it was plain<br />That Piggy had a massive brain.<br />He worked out sums inside his head,<br />There was no book he hadn't read.<br />He knew what made an airplane fly,<br />He knew how engines worked and why.<br />He knew all this, but in the end<br />One question drove him round the bend:<br />He simply couldn't puzzle out<br />What LIFE was really all about.<br />What was the reason for his birth?<br />Why was he placed upon this earth?<br />His giant brain went round and round.<br />Alas, no answer could be found.<br />Till suddenly one wondrous night.<br />All in a flash he saw the light.<br />He jumped up like a ballet dancer<br />And yelled, "By gum, I've got the answer!"<br />"They want my bacon slice by slice<br />"To sell at a tremendous price!<br />"They want my tender juicy chops<br />"To put in all the butcher's shops!<br />"They want my pork to make a roast<br />"And that's the part'll cost the most!<br />"They want my sausages in strings!<br />"They even want my chitterlings!<br />"The butcher's shop! The carving knife!<br />"That is the reason for my life!"<br />Such thoughts as these are not designed<br />To give a pig great piece of mind.<br />Next morning, in comes Farmer Bland,<br />A pail of pigswill in his hand,<br />And piggy with a mighty roar,<br />Bashes the farmer to the floor…<br />Now comes the rather grizzly bit<br />So let's not make too much of it,<br />Except that you must understand<br />That Piggy did eat Farmer Bland,<br />He ate him up from head to toe,<br />Chewing the pieces nice and slow.<br />It took an hour to reach the feet,<br />Because there was so much to eat,<br />And when he finished, Pig, of course,<br />Felt absolutely no remorse.<br />Slowly he scratched his brainy head<br />And with a little smile he said,<br />"I had a fairly powerful hunch<br />"That he might have me for his lunch.<br />"And so, because I feared the worst,<br />"I thought I'd better eat him first.