Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their...
P. J. O'ROURKE The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on Ne...
P. J. O'ROURKE A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing. One that sounds good, and a real one.
J. P. MORGAN When you expect things to happen - strangely enough - they do happen.
J. P. MORGAN Well, I don't know as I want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire him to tell how to do ...
J. P. MORGAN If you have to ask how much it costs, you can't afford it.
J. P. MORGAN No problem can be solved until it is reduced to some simple form. The changing of a vague difficulty...
J. P. MORGAN I got disappointed in human nature as well and gave it up because I found it too much like my own.
J. P. DONLEAVY To marry the Irish is to look for poverty.
J. P. DONLEAVY Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.
J. P. DONLEAVY Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don't draft people; it's not jur...
P. J. O'ROURKE My mom is a sculptress.
P. J. HARVEY I'm not an autobiographical writer, but I am a writer who deals with human emotion on all levels...
P. J. HARVEY I've always felt that I'm affected by the world, by the way we treat each other, by the way ...
P. J. HARVEY There's also a level of discipline I use as a writer, designed to get better at what I'm doi...
P. J. HARVEY I'm probably much more influenced by film-makers and painters than I am by other songwriters or ...
P. J. HARVEY I did photography, painting, and drawing, but I prefer sculpture. I like it because it's very ph...
P. J. HARVEY I'm a very private person, so obviously I don't enjoy talking about more personal matters.
P. J. HARVEY My father is actually a quarry man - he deals in stone. He also at one point had a lot of sheep, he ...
P. J. HARVEY With songs I almost see the images, see the action, and then all I have to do is describe it. It'...
P. J. HARVEY I decide immediately if I like a person and if I do, then I'm myself, and if I don't, then I...
P. J. HARVEY I'm a Libra. That means that I can make a decision, but only after much thought.
P. J. HARVEY There's so much you can do with laying words on a bed of music. You can completely change their ...
P. J. HARVEY People have a tendency to see country life through rose-colored glasses.
P. J. HARVEY It's so much in me to want to keep experimenting all the time. It's just inherent. Therefore...
P. J. HARVEY Making me into a role model is placing too much importance on what I see as a work in progress.
P. J. HARVEY I'm not a writer where I feel particularly blessed by great inspiration every day. I don't. ...
P. J. HARVEY I work on words quite separately to music. They're both ongoing, and I don't ever feel like ...
P. J. HARVEY There is nothing more boring than doing singing exercises.
P. J. HARVEY People like Howlin' Wolf, Bob Dylan, The Rolling Stones, John Lee Hooker, Nina Simone, Captain B...
P. J. HARVEY I firmly disbelieve that one has to be a tortured soul to write good music.
P. J. HARVEY I don't loathe interviews, I'm just one of those people who makes music because I find it di...
P. J. HARVEY I think that's always very valuable: to keep the mind open to receiving all sorts of information...
P. J. HARVEY I tried to use words that were dealing with the emotional quality that any human being could recogni...
P. J. HARVEY I didn't know folk music growing up, no. It's something I've come to study, really, beca...
P. J. HARVEY I've always been very visceral in that I feel things very deeply.
P. J. HARVEY Popular culture has become engorged, broadening and thickening until it's the only culture anyon...
P. J. O'ROURKE The best and brightest don't go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs.
P. J. O'ROURKE In Israel, waves of anger and fear circulate all the time, but so do jokes and gossip and silky even...
P. J. O'ROURKE People say, 'Oh, politics is so polarized today,' and I'm thinking... '1861, that wa...
P. J. O'ROURKE Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
P. J. O'ROURKE I am unboreable in the great outdoors.
P. J. O'ROURKE To mistrust science and deny the validity of scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You...
P. J. O'ROURKE Most people sort of enjoy going to work because of the socialisation, a chance to flirt with co-work...
P. J. O'ROURKE Hubris is one of the great renewable resources.
P. J. O'ROURKE The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove t...
P. J. O'ROURKE Soccer matches should be something special, something people eagerly look forward to, something that...
P. J. O'ROURKE Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
P. J. O'ROURKE Guns are the ultimate bulwark against government misbehavior.
P. J. O'ROURKE Tom DeLay may or may not have broken campaign finance laws, but he did his best to look like he was ...
P. J. O'ROURKE If you talk to most businessmen, they'll say that what they do is for the public good, but you k...
P. J. O'ROURKE Some day you will be wheeled in for a heart bypass operation, and a surgeon will be the person who i...
P. J. O'ROURKE Californians devised a system of electricity sales that ignored every dimension of the free market.
P. J. O'ROURKE Californians are people who insist on growing their own vegetables, but they won't dig up the pr...
P. J. O'ROURKE Gay marriage acceptance is happening in the blink of an eye.
P. J. O'ROURKE Passover is my idea of a perfect holiday. Dear God, when you're handing out plagues of darkness,...
P. J. O'ROURKE Will Generation X and the Millennials do a better job running the world than the boomers have? Let&#...
P. J. O'ROURKE Freedom is not empowerment. Empowerment is what the Serbs have in Bosnia. Anybody can grab a gun and...
P. J. O'ROURKE Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
P. J. O'ROURKE Life is just a dirty four-letter word: W-O-R-K.
J. P. MCEVOY Old age adds to the respect due to virtue, but it takes nothing from the contempt inspired by vice; ...
J. P. SENN Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to...
P. J. O'ROURKE Our democracy, our culture, our whole way of life is a spectacular triumph of the blah. Why not have...
P. J. O'ROURKE Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border.
P. J. O'ROURKE Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.
J. P. DONLEAVY My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what's really going on to...
P. J. PLAUGER In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, im...
P. J. O'ROURKE When you don't have any money, the problem is food, When you have money, it's sex. When you have bot...
J. P. DONLEAVY Nothing bad is going to happen to us. If we get fired, it's not failure; its a midlife vocational re...
P. J. O'ROURKE Newsmen believe that news is a tacitly acknowledged fourth branch of the federal system. This is why...
P. J. O'ROURKE You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.
P. J. O'ROURKE People are all exactly alike. There's no such thing as a race and barely such a thing as an ethnic g...
P. J. O'ROURKE I am a journalist and, under the modern journalist's code of Olympian objectivity (and total purity ...
P. J. O'ROURKE Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
P. J. O'ROURKE Good manners are a combination of intelligence, education, taste and style mixed together so that yo...
P. J. O'ROURKE The principle feature of American liberalism is sanctimoniousness. By loudly denouncing all bad thin...
P. J. O'ROURKE In the end we beat them with Levi 501 jeans. Seventy-two years of Communist indoctrination and propa...
P. J. O'ROURKE Marijuana is self-punishing. It makes you acutely sensitive, and in this world, what worse punishmen...
P. J. O'ROURKE No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the sources ...
P. J. O'ROURKE Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the ...
P. J. O'ROURKE Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race. All through history mankind ha...
P. J. O'ROURKE When I die I want to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served in all the pubs in Dublin.
J. P. DONLEAVY The government is huge, stupid, greedy and makes nosy, officious and dangerous intrusions into the s...
P. J. O'ROURKE But Jesus, when you don't have any money, the problem is food. When you have money, it's sex. When y...
J. P. DONLEAVY Social Security is a government program with a constituency made up of the old, the near old and tho...
P. J. O'ROURKE Majority rule is a precious, sacred thing worth dying for. But -- like other precious, sacred things...
P. J. O'ROURKE Farm policy, although it's complex, can be explained. What it can't be is believed. No cheating spou...
P. J. O'ROURKE Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals ...
P. J. O'ROURKE Automobiles are free of egotism, passion, prejudice and stupid ideas about where to have dinner. The...
P. J. O'ROURKE There's no telling what might have happened to our defense budget if Saddam Hussein hadn't invaded K...
P. J. O'ROURKE One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficu...
P. J. O'ROURKE Some people are better imagined in one's bed than found there in the morning.
P. J. O'ROURKE There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief...
P. J. O'ROURKE Old age adds to the respect due to virtue, but it takes nothing from the contempt inspired by vice...
J. P. SENN Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.
P. J. O'ROURKE A man always has two reasons for doing anything--a good reason and the real reason.
J. P. MORGAN Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiv...
P. J. O'ROURKE Supposedly, summer vacation happens because that's when the kids are home from school, although ...
P. J. O'ROURKE Sheep farming is heavily subsidized in Great Britain. Without the subsidies, the green grazing in th...
P. J. O'ROURKE Arab-led Islamic fundamentalism destabilizes nations from Algeria to the Philippines.
P. J. O'ROURKE What Alexander Graham Bell thought up occupied less space than a flower vase. Now it's so small ...
P. J. O'ROURKE Adam Smith is misread as being amoral precisely because people don't read his first book, becaus...
P. J. O'ROURKE The whole melodrama of the Middle East would be improved if amnesia were as common here as it is in ...
P. J. O'ROURKE Chinese economic development has cost many American workers their jobs. That's the price of prog...
P. J. O'ROURKE The 1960s was an era of big thoughts. And yet, amazingly, each of these thoughts could fit on a T-sh...
P. J. O'ROURKE What is obnoxious about the motives of politicians - whatever those motives may be - is that politic...
P. J. O'ROURKE I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now.
P. J. O'ROURKE The Nobel Peace Prize has always been a joke - albeit a grim one. Alfred Bernhard Nobel famously inv...
P. J. O'ROURKE Banning paper and plastic and making shoppers carry their groceries home in their mouths like dogs i...
P. J. O'ROURKE The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.
P. J. O'ROURKE Global warming is a fact. Now it's up to liberals to make it a reality. Hence there is crucial i...
P. J. O'ROURKE Adam Smith pointed out that there were three things that make us more prosperous, in a general sort ...
P. J. O'ROURKE Upbeat is for people who want to feel good about their cause: the reformers, the progressives, the r...
P. J. O'ROURKE Modern elites live in bubbles of liberal affluence like Ann Arbor, Brookline, the Upper West Side, P...
P. J. O'ROURKE Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'ROURKE Think what evil creeps liberals would be if their plans to enfeeble the individual, exhaust the econ...
P. J. O'ROURKE Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
P. J. O'ROURKE Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
P. J. O'ROURKE If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat ...
P. J. O'ROURKE There is no virtue in compulsory government charity, and there is no virtue in advocating it. A poli...
P. J. O'ROURKE Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but moth...
P. J. O'ROURKE Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones.
P. J. O'ROURKE The two most frightening words in Washington are 'bipartisan consensus.' Bipartisan consensu...
P. J. O'ROURKE Computers seem a little too adaptively flexible, like the strange natives, odd societies, and head c...
P. J. O'ROURKE I live in New Hampshire. We're in favor of global warming. Eleven hundred more feet of sea-level...
P. J. O'ROURKE A man always has two reasons for doing anything: a good reason and the real reason.
J. P. MORGAN People are not ants or bees. We do not reason or love or live or die collectively.
P. J. O'ROURKE The idea of a stag hunt evokes chivalry - knights in jerkins and hose, ladies on sidesaddles with wi...
P. J. O'ROURKE Why do elites hate the poor? It's xenophobia. They don't know any poor people - except their...
P. J. O'ROURKE Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.
P. J. O'ROURKE Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools inst...
P. J. O'ROURKE Disney's House of the Future had the clean simplicity prized in the 1950s as relief from decades...
P. J. O'ROURKE All business is capitalistic. You require capital for any sort of business endeavour.
P. J. O'ROURKE The great apologist has to have lived large and wild. If he's going to kiss the world's boo-...
P. J. O'ROURKE 'Carrie' was a pretty big-budget movie at a real studio, with a director that had already do...
P. J. SOLES I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.
P. J. O'ROURKE Mikhail Gorbachev was the Jimmy Carter of the Communist bloc. The Russians hate him.
P. J. O'ROURKE Jimmy Carter was - he still - he remains to this day America's most ex of ex-presidents. You jus...
P. J. O'ROURKE There is a simple rule here, a rule of legislation, a rule of business, a rule of life: beyond a cer...
P. J. O'ROURKE In Henry Adams, I discovered not only the prototype of the modern thinker but also someone who is mo...
P. J. O'ROURKE Everybody with a gun has a checkpoint in Lebanon. And in Lebanon, you'd be crazy not to have a g...
P. J. O'ROURKE A U.S. dollar is an IOU from the Federal Reserve Bank. It's a promissory note that doesn't a...
P. J. O'ROURKE Our earliest evidence of government, in the ruins of Babylon and Egypt, shows nothing but ziggurats ...
P. J. O'ROURKE The baby boomers' politics have covered a wide band of silliness, from the Weather Underground t...
P. J. O'ROURKE Now, do I think the baby boomers tend to be self-absorbed? I do.
P. J. O'ROURKE Excessive speed and quantity are, like chattiness and digression, besetting sins of cyber-assisted a...
P. J. O'ROURKE The car provided Americans with an enviable standard of living. You could not get a steady job with ...
P. J. O'ROURKE Of course, no one wants to ban the vote. Voting should remain available for sporting and recreationa...
P. J. O'ROURKE You're not a baby boomer if you don't have a visceral recollection of a Kennedy and a King a...
P. J. O'ROURKE You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to t...
P. J. O'ROURKE Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for ...
P. J. O'ROURKE There's a certain kind of behavior in the Arab world that, to me, resembles the way young men be...
P. J. O'ROURKE The U.S. tax code was written by A students. Every April 15, we have to pay somebody who got an A in...
P. J. O'ROURKE We loved cars until the '70s or so. Then they became appliances. They turned into motorized cup ...
P. J. O'ROURKE I'm on Medicare now. If I go and have a big operation, it costs me nothing. It should cost me a ...
P. J. O'ROURKE I literally left school and went straight into music via art college for a year, and I've been s...
P. J. HARVEY Go as far as you can see; when you get there, you'll be able to see farther.
J. P. MORGAN Kabul is a walled city, which sounds romantic except the walls are pre-cast reinforced concrete blas...
P. J. O'ROURKE Some taxpayers may object to a print journalism bailout on the grounds that it mostly benefits the l...
P. J. O'ROURKE The great majority of Baghdad is a slum - a lot of it's new, but it's still slum. It's u...
P. J. O'ROURKE As a nation, Kuwait has been, arguably, free of freedom itself. Claimed in turn by Constantinople, R...
P. J. O'ROURKE What Enron was doing, what caused investors to embrace it in a rapture of baffled awe, was hiding de...
P. J. O'ROURKE There are a number of Americans who shouldn't vote. The number is 57 percent, to judge by the co...
P. J. O'ROURKE The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The ...
P. J. O'ROURKE A Kindle returns us to the inconvenience of the scroll, except with batteries and electronic glitche...
P. J. O'ROURKE Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled...
P. J. O'ROURKE If it were not for government regulation of big corporations, executives at companies like Enron, Wo...
P. J. O'ROURKE You can learn all about the human condition from covering the crime beat in a big city - you don'...
P. J. O'ROURKE The perpetuation of slavery, the exile and extermination of American Indians, and the passage of Jim...
P. J. O'ROURKE Northwest Ohio is flat. There isn't much up. The land is so flat that a child from Toledo is und...
P. J. O'ROURKE The 20th century was a test bed for big ideas - fascism, communism, the atomic bomb.
P. J. O'ROURKE A fundamental American question is, 'What's the big idea?'
P. J. O'ROURKE Preachers at black churches are the last people left in the English-speaking world who know the sche...
P. J. O'ROURKE Politics is a necessary evil, or a necessary annoyance, a necessary conundrum.
P. J. O'ROURKE If I were a congressman who had voted for the American Jobs Creation Act of 2004, I'd claim it w...
P. J. O'ROURKE The inherent purpose of American government is let people seek their own goals and to encourage them...
P. J. O'ROURKE Detroit's industrial ruins are picturesque, like crumbling Rome in an 18th-century etching.
P. J. O'ROURKE I like fiction and the kind of history that gives the grace and flavor of fiction to the past. No bl...
P. J. O'ROURKE Daniel Patrick Moynihan is the archetypal extremely smart person who went into politics anyway inste...
P. J. O'ROURKE Kids are disorganized.
P. J. O'ROURKE People say free trade causes dislocation. In actual fact, it's the lowering of trade barriers th...
P. J. O'ROURKE Distracting a politician from governing is like distracting a bear from eating your baby.
P. J. O'ROURKE Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.
J P DONLEAVY Inside every Sancho Panza there's a Don Quixote struggling to get out.
P. J. O'ROURKE Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box.
P. J. O'ROURKE In Hong Kong there is agglomeration beyond my fondest imaginings. The Kowloon district claims a popu...
P. J. O'ROURKE There are plenty of problems in the world, and doubtless climate change - or whatever the currently ...
P. J. O'ROURKE Kuwait City is not gorgeous, actually, but it's got a kind of Epcot Center thing going for it. I...
P. J. O'ROURKE The importance of local governance may not be obvious to an America accustomed to treating city and ...
P. J. O'ROURKE Political discourse has become so rotten that it's no longer possible to tell the stench of one ...
P. J. O'ROURKE Israel is slightly smaller than New Jersey. Moses in effect led the tribes of Israel out of the Dist...
P. J. O'ROURKE It could be that all awful dictators are frustrated artists - Mao with his poetry and Mussolini with...
P. J. O'ROURKE I'm too tough and sensitive to have to have some pubescent twerp with his mom's earring in h...
P. J. O'ROURKE Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.
P. J. O'ROURKE Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefull...
P. J. O'ROURKE I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a learning experience. Then again, I like to think ...
P. J. O'ROURKE The purpose of a funeral service is to comfort the living. It is important at a funeral to display e...
P. J. O'ROURKE There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-...
P. J. O'ROURKE With Epcot Center the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today...
P. J. O'ROURKE When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are le...
P. J. O'ROURKE