Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.

It’s absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we’ve got rockets, we’ve got saran wrap – FIX IT!!!

Just relax and breathe through your ass.

I don't know if you've noticed, but our two-party system is a bowl of shit looking at itself in the mirror.

They're so broke that they've actually cut essential services. In many places, they've cut policemen, because, who the fuck needs them? Or firemen, son of a bitch, it's much more fun watching something burn down.

One of the interesting things about comedy is it's tension release, and nothing creates tension faster than anger.