Dread was always with her, an alarm system in her head, alert<br />to her next disaster.<br />Despite being resigned to a life of misfortune, she became<br />resourceful.<br />She grudgingly noticed that things always worked out, even<br />when she claimed defeat.<br />An inconvenient truth, yet it was right there, in her face,<br />betraying her self-punishments and assumptions.<br />She kept overcoming things, dammit, aggravating herself.<br />She still felt so much joy, despite her efforts to be miserable.<br />Her life was full of miracles and spectacles that she was afraid<br />to rely on so she didn’t know how to enjoy, how to be thankful,<br />without guilt.<br />She didn’t want to win and she didn’t want to lose.<br />Ambiguity intrigued her and she found passion in the gaps<br />between hope and despair.