Don't criticize me while I criticize other people.

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

I think they were afraid that some of us would try to kill ourselves or something because they looked very tense and one of them kept touching his beard.

I was in the shopping mall because that's where I go lately. For the last couple of weeks, I've been going there every day, trying to figure out why people go there. It's kind of a personal project.

Sex without smiling is as sickly and as base as vodka and tonic without ice.

The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen