Don't confuse me with those who cling to hope. I enjoy describing how things are, I have no interest in how they 'ought to be.' And I certainly have no interest in fixing them. I sincerely believe that if you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem. My motto: Fuck Hope!
George Carlin
Related No, I'm not interested in politics. I have zero interest. I have interest in hope and people. JAY-Z I'm not deluded enough to think that everyone who knows my name is a listener. You know, I hope ... JOHN MAYER I think we need to be responsible, to do the right thing. I hope that you understand we have no vest... ANDREW JONES The problem with looking in the mirror is that you never know how you will feel about what you see. ... CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE I would hope they have interest in me -- as I do in them. It's nice to hear [his name being mentione... ART HOWE And I thought about how many people have loved those songs. And how many people got through a lot of... STEPHEN CHBOSKY I have a willingness to put in as much time as is necessary for my students. I hope my students will... JENNIFER OWEN I think that I have self esteem issues, really. If you really analyse it... People who really like m... KARAN JOHAR Who am I?? No, No you don't ask the questions I ask them my question is how much stupid are you??...... DEYTH BANGER I had no interest in history classes. In fact, I used to sleep in history classes, I used to bunk cl... SHEKHAR KAPUR I have no interest in murder, and I have no interest in people dying, ... But I'm interested in peop... DARON MALAKIAN No matter how much I probe and prodI cannot quite believe in God,But, oh, I hope to God that HeUnswe... E. Y. HARBURG I had an amazing feeling when I finally held the tape in my hand. I just thought to myself that in t... STEPHEN CHBOSKY Well, I'm kinda like George Carlin. I think that there ought to be a time where everybody should... MERLE HAGGARD If all my bridge coach ever told me was that I was 'satisfactory,' I would have no hope of e... BILL GATES I haven't the faintest idea what my royalties are. I haven't the faintest idea how many copi... JOYCE CAROL OATES Jack has no interest in Jamie McMurray getting out of his contract. I've got no interest in letting ... JACK ROUSH Humans don't have any type of interest... HAVING SO MUCH STUFF AROUND THEM AND SO LITTLE INTEREST IN... DEYTH BANGER I had an amazing feeling when i finally held the tape in my hand. I just thought to myself that in t... STEPHEN CHBOSKY For what it’s worth... it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to b... F. SCOTT FITZGERALD I do not at all have the mind of a bully... in my mind bullies are intolerant of contrary opinion, d... CONRAD BLACK Take me to the height where success would seek my help to succeed! I ARE I just hope I remember to tell my kids that they are as happy as I look in my old photographs. And I... STEPHEN CHBOSKY What the society thinks is of no interest to me. All that's important is how I see myself. I know wh... ROBIN S. SHARMA No matter how much I probe and prod I cannot quite believe in God, But, oh, I hope to God th... E. Y. HARBURG Obviously, you have no other proof but your word. So I hope they are going to believe her, as they b... FLORENCE AUBENAS I talked to her and asked if this was an appropriate relationship to have with someone you cover. To... DEREK LOWE If that's how he feels, that's how he feels. I have no problem with that. No problem at all. DARIUS MILES I decided to run (for the school board) because of my interest in education and my educational backg... ARLENE SUKRAW One thing I've learnt recently: how to think nothing. Here's the trick: don't have any interest in t... NED VIZZINI For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be.... ERIC ROTH Kick back and sincerely enjoy this book. I hope some of these poems make you think. GREGORY JOHNSON Turns out, I couldn't catch them - or even get close to them. I realized that sharks are amazing... MALIN AKERMAN There are two things I enjoy most about my work. First, I get to work with interesting and enthusias... DAVID J. ANDERSON I think there's always been hope in my songs, no matter how they've first appeared. I think ... JAKOB DYLAN George!' [Horace] said, the relief evident in his voice. 'Are you all right?' 'No! I am not!' G... JOHN FLANAGAN I believe that there is an important part of every human being that is defined in terms of their sig... ANGELES MASTRETTA No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, ... GEORGE CARLIN I have no interest in changing Hollywood. Hollywood is a place so consumed by the spirit of the worl... STEPHEN BALDWIN I don't think of my books as being biographies. I never had any interest in doing a book just to... ROBERT CARO I do feel as if... Look, I think I'm a very kind of ordinary person, and it seems to me that thi... KATE GRENVILLE There are a bunch of songs that I think are beautiful recordings, and I'm proud of them, but I... DAMIEN RICE But I believe within the alliance we need to define those things where we have an interest and those... MALCOLM FRASER They have to be able to spark my interest so I want to pursue it, and they have to have an awesome p... LAURA PREPON I'm a curious person. I pursue things based on what sparks my interest. I'm not thinking abo... ROMAN COPPOLA I don't myself believe in a two-state solution. I believe in a one-state solution. EDWARD SAID Of course, I have a different vested interest in the gay community, because I am gay, and I would ce... JANIS IAN That's why people loved stories so, I realized in that instant, because they found in them what was ... BRANDY PURDY I have no illusions that my work can rouse the masses to create change, because literature simply do... MIGUEL SYJUCO Millions of items in the outward order are present to my senses which never properly enter into my e... WILLIAM JAMES I was born to make music, really I have no choice. There are certain things I have to live with and ... J. LOREN WINCE I hope there is nothing about me that people have a big problem with. You know, I like to think of m... CHRISTINE QUINN The interest I have to believe a thing is no proof that such a thing exists. VOLTAIRE I believe in energies. Good energy has served me well. Being fair with others, compassionate towards... ASHLY LORENZANA I want to let fans know how much I appreciate them and how much I appreciate them showing interest i... RANDY HOUSER I place no hope in my strength, nor in my works: but all my confidence is in God my protector, who n... FRANCOIS RABELAIS I can't enter into politico-social subjects with any interest, for on the whole, I see that thin... WILLIAM MORRIS My roommate and a couple of other friends told me about it. I had never shot a gun before, and wante... AMY MLINAR Women in general interest me. I like how women are more liable to talk about real things, personal t... CHUCK CLOSE I have no particular interest in antiquities or antiques, but I like things to meet a certain aesthe... STEPHEN BAYLEY How I describe myself?? I guy who likes to be in state of confuse, being confuse makes me incre... DEYTH BANGER I've always thought you have to live life looking forwards, not backwards. I've had no inter... JEREMY PAXMAN It's hard to say who would have interest in them or how they would appraise. CINDY DEAN My songs have always had hope and perseverance in them - I never write songs that have no escape hat... JAKOB DYLAN If I'm ever lucky enough to be part of an awards tribute, I hope they play 'Muffin Top' ... JANE KRAKOWSKI I could do that. I have been thinking that way since I got here. Hard work is how you turn things ar... CURTIS PULLEY I hope that I inspire women to believe in themselves, no matter where they come from; no matter what... MADONNA CICCONE I have discovered that my interest in my dear pupil, Mabel, has ripened into a far deeper feeling th... ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL The work I was involved in had no obvious therapeutic benefit. It was purely of scientific interest.... JOHN GURDON I write about people I think are interesting, and then I discuss it with my editor, and she decides ... DAVID A. ADLER There are those who think that the private lives of candidates are none of our business. But when th... MARLO THOMAS I just believe that there's always a reward when you help other people, and what I hope to gain is a... MAURICE KUYKENDOLL They have a true interest in law enforcement that's demonstrated by how well they placed in the comp... ALAN BAKER I think women want freedom. They want to be empowered. They want hope. They want love; they want all... RIHANNA My philosophy has always been that I hope I have a good enough day to give me another one, I hope th... DAVID NAIL I think the press has an interest in communicating to its viewers or readers, and their viewers or r... MARK MCKINNON I hope you feel better about yourself. I hope you feel alive. I hope that good things happen to you,... STEPH BOWE I just dont know how...to think less. If you know how, then teach me... AISHAH MADADIY I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you dislike? JEAN COCTEAU We encourage anybody who has an interest in Pound to be a part of the management team, ... By no mea... ANN JOHNSON I believe in blues, and I believe that it's been misrepresented. JOHN MAYER I have forged many things that I believe to be things of great beauty. Yet if God is not a part of t... CRAIG D. LOUNSBROUGH I had no interest in music. But now, music means everything to me. I have no words to explain how be... ALAN WALKER I have no interest in a guy who doesn't know the right end of a screwdriver HOLLY MARIE COMBS I can certainly understand (the council's) position in wanting to do what's best for the city. I dis... BILL HAGEMANN I have written a memoir here and there, and that takes its own form of selfishness and courage. Howe... PETER CAREY I am thankful for the support of those delegates who stood with the administration today because I a... CRENSTON BOXHILL I think there are a lot of technocrats in the business who would much rather work with just wheels a... RON PERLMAN No matter what happens, you're always going to have those critics and those haters. You just hav... TIM TEBOW We Americans are interested only in the consumption of our products. We have no interest in how they... M.T. ANDERSON People who struggle in frustration are those who don’t have self analaical ability & have no posit... DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA I let go of false hope. I let go of the hope that they would transform in favour of working on my ow... DARLENE OUIMET It is an emotional roller coaster, ... It's my faith that gives me hope, but when I see how people a... LARRY SNYDER I meet people from really grand backgrounds who had horrible parents who took no interest in them, w... JOOLS HOLLAND There is no logical reason to believe in God. There are emotional reasons, certainly, but I cannot h... ANDREW DAVIDSON Most people believe that sharing the same flesh and blood, the same basic DNA structure, makes them ... ROBIN SACREDFIRE It's amazing to think how powerful of a force optimism and hope can be. It's the thing that ... J. D. VANCE You wouldn't believe how much harder it's getting for me to just leave my studio. It's really sad. I... MARK Z. DANIELEWSKI I have zero interest in how people decide how they want to spend their lives or in what they decide ... TONY DOMENECH I honestly have no interest in celebrity whatsoever. If anything, I always cringe at it because it t... JUDE LAW
More George Carlin
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they... GEORGE CARLIN I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. GEORGE CARLIN Electricity is really just organized lightning. GEORGE CARLIN Weather forecast for tonight: dark. GEORGE CARLIN The status quo sucks. GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. GEORGE CARLIN Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as bi... GEORGE CARLIN When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands. GEORGE CARLIN Religion is just mind control. GEORGE CARLIN One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. GEORGE CARLIN There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. GEORGE CARLIN The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. GEORGE CARLIN Always do whatever's next. GEORGE CARLIN Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, W... GEORGE CARLIN One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. GEORGE CARLIN Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. GEORGE CARLIN People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don... GEORGE CARLIN Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. GEORGE CARLIN I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institution... GEORGE CARLIN What do dogs do on their day off?; Can't lie around – that's their job! GEORGE CARLIN That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. GEORGE CARLIN If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? GEORGE CARLIN Meow” means “woof” in cat. GEORGE CARLIN Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. GEORGE CARLIN Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reaso... GEORGE CARLIN The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept. GEORGE CARLIN Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you. GEORGE CARLIN Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. GEORGE CARLIN People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'Fo... GEORGE CARLIN Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ... GEORGE CARLIN I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuc... GEORGE CARLIN Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches e... GEORGE CARLIN It was my uncle who taught me about the birds and the bees. He sat me down one day and said, 'Rememb... GEORGE CARLIN How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies. GEORGE CARLIN I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is ... GEORGE CARLIN How is it possible to have a civil war? GEORGE CARLIN The planet is fine. The people are fucked. GEORGE CARLIN We're so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody's going to save something now. Save the trees, save ... GEORGE CARLIN We’re so self-important. Everybody’s going to save something now. “Save the trees, save the be... GEORGE CARLIN Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will... GEORGE CARLIN The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. GEORGE CARLIN I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for ... GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.- GEORGE CARLIN Rhetoric paints with a broad brush. GEORGE CARLIN There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. GEORGE CARLIN We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're hav... GEORGE CARLIN Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too la... GEORGE CARLIN Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fa... GEORGE CARLIN Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year t... GEORGE CARLIN Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook GEORGE CARLIN Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one h... GEORGE CARLIN Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck GEORGE CARLIN The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity GEORGE CARLIN Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. GEORGE CARLIN I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institution... GEORGE CARLIN I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. GEORGE CARLIN ... And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're ... GEORGE CARLIN Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you i... GEORGE CARLIN I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Buil... GEORGE CARLIN Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to t... GEORGE CARLIN Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. GEORGE CARLIN I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American be... GEORGE CARLIN I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Ky... GEORGE CARLIN The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is GEORGE CARLIN He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck thi... GEORGE CARLIN There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. GEORGE CARLIN Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. GEORGE CARLIN Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. GEORGE CARLIN Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. GEORGE CARLIN By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. GEORGE CARLIN Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. GEORGE CARLIN 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I ... GEORGE CARLIN Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than... GEORGE CARLIN If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked. GEORGE CARLIN Personally, if I were trying to discourage people from smoking, my sign would be a little different.... GEORGE CARLIN Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom GEORGE CARLIN Atheism is a non-prophet organization. GEORGE CARLIN Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience memb... GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She sai... GEORGE CARLIN If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. GEORGE CARLIN The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. GEORGE CARLIN You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. GEORGE CARLIN At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. GEORGE CARLIN Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the... GEORGE CARLIN Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. GEORGE CARLIN Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. GEORGE CARLIN When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse GEORGE CARLIN I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it d... GEORGE CARLIN Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body. GEORGE CARLIN Everyone smiles in the same language. GEORGE CARLIN But when you're in front of an audience and you make them laugh at a new idea, you're guiding the wh... GEORGE CARLIN My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm ... GEORGE CARLIN I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it&... GEORGE CARLIN It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class... GEORGE CARLIN I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. GEORGE CARLIN When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or ... GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she tol... GEORGE CARLIN Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things GEORGE CARLIN I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free. GEORGE CARLIN When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the... GEORGE CARLIN Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? Th... GEORGE CARLIN Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning... GEORGE CARLIN Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. GEORGE CARLIN The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "Y... GEORGE CARLIN It's never just a game when you're winning. GEORGE CARLIN If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delight... GEORGE CARLIN If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed... GEORGE CARLIN I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll b... GEORGE CARLIN I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. GEORGE CARLIN Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dish... GEORGE CARLIN Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. GEORGE CARLIN As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything. GEORGE CARLIN The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, GEORGE CARLIN I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to... GEORGE CARLIN Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain. GEORGE CARLIN Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider! GEORGE CARLIN Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that b... GEORGE CARLIN If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him GEORGE CARLIN In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Coliseum called the Caesarian Section GEORGE CARLIN If it requires a uniform it's a worthless endeavor GEORGE CARLIN The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elect... GEORGE CARLIN The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of you... GEORGE CARLIN Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? GEORGE CARLIN we get what we deserve. They are our elected officials. GEORGE CARLIN When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a ... GEORGE CARLIN You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar GEORGE CARLIN Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can... GEORGE CARLIN If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem GEORGE CARLIN In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem. GEORGE CARLIN When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can th... GEORGE CARLIN Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach t... GEORGE CARLIN Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”? GEORGE CARLIN I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with... GEORGE CARLIN I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it. GEORGE CARLIN Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, c... GEORGE CARLIN I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves ... GEORGE CARLIN Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. A... GEORGE CARLIN There's also way too much religion in the South to be consistent with good mental health. GEORGE CARLIN So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” And anyone who can’... GEORGE CARLIN THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police. GEORGE CARLIN Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. GEORGE CARLIN I think these pipe-smokers oughta just move to the next level and go ahead and suck a dick. There's ... GEORGE CARLIN I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individual... GEORGE CARLIN When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. ... GEORGE CARLIN If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed ... GEORGE CARLIN There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It se... GEORGE CARLIN If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten GEORGE CARLIN [On school uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now the... GEORGE CARLIN Life is a series of dogs GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she tol... GEORGE CARLIN So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. GEORGE CARLIN I read that Monica Seles got stabbed. And although I have nothing against Monica Seles, I'm glad som... GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-. GEORGE CARLIN I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it daw... GEORGE CARLIN They call it the 'American Dream' because you have to be asleep to believe it. GEORGE CARLIN One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like GEORGE CARLIN Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the ... GEORGE CARLIN I have no emotional stake in Panda fucking. GEORGE CARLIN Jesus was a cross dresser GEORGE CARLIN By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth GEORGE CARLIN The word bipartisan means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out GEORGE CARLIN Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity GEORGE CARLIN What makes me nervous is when I am at an airport and the stewardess says get on the plane. I say fuc... GEORGE CARLIN Most people with low self-esteem have earned it GEORGE CARLIN If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter GEORGE CARLIN If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else GEORGE CARLIN I don't vote. Two reasons. First of all it's meaningless; this country was bought and sold a long ti... GEORGE CARLIN If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? GEORGE CARLIN I believe you can joke about anything. GEORGE CARLIN I'm the creative type, GEORGE CARLIN When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons GEORGE CARLIN Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. GEORGE CARLIN He had a sort of pain that was fairly evident. GEORGE CARLIN Rich White Men Don't Care About Poor Black People GEORGE CARLIN You get to play with people's little danger zones. GEORGE CARLIN 'We hope you enjoy your stay in Chicago or wherever your final destination may be.' All destinations... GEORGE CARLIN When you stress individualism, as this country does; materialism, as this country does; personal wea... GEORGE CARLIN In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first. GEORGE CARLIN In labor news, longshoremen walked off the piers today; rescue operations are continuing GEORGE CARLIN I went straight from shenanigans to cries against humanity GEORGE CARLIN A man came up to me on the street and said I used to be messed up out of my mind on drugs but now I'... GEORGE CARLIN I tell ya, if I hadn't chosen the career of being a performer, I think linguistics would have been a... GEORGE CARLIN If you’re reading it in a book, folks, it ain’t self-help. It’s help. GEORGE CARLIN If the Reds were baseball's first team, who did they play? GEORGE CARLIN What if Alexander Graham Bell's name were Alexander Graham Siren? The phone wouldn't ring, it would ... GEORGE CARLIN Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that bi... GEORGE CARLIN Excuse me, officer, but would you mind bringing the wreckage a little closer this way? My wife can't... GEORGE CARLIN Everything beeps now GEORGE CARLIN You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic GEORGE CARLIN Think about it, GEORGE CARLIN I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and... GEORGE CARLIN Most people are not particularly good at anything GEORGE CARLIN I enjoy watching reruns of Saturday Night Live and counting all the dead people GEORGE CARLIN When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or ... GEORGE CARLIN What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30 years,>Read People Magazine your... GEORGE CARLIN One thing i don't understand is sex is legal and selling things is legal but selling sex is illegal. GEORGE CARLIN “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” GEORGE CARLIN If a piece requires some specific inflection, I'll record it. I take a lot of notes, and later categ... GEORGE CARLIN Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian. GEORGE CARLIN