Don't commit to being a columnist unless you're willing to do it right. Report your behind off, so you have something original and useful to say. Say it in a way that will interest someone other than you, your family and your sources.

People are treating the Stewart case as seriously as Enron when it's really over trivia.

It's easy to write a good column if you've got good information. It's hard if you have to depend on style alone. I suppose there are people who can get away with styling on a regular basis. I'm not one of them. You're probably not, either.

If the subject matter isn't inherently interesting - accounting comes to mind - I've got to make it amusing, if only to keep myself awake.

If the government decides to put your life under a microscope, do you think it won't find something? I suspect there's not an adult in the country who would walk away totally unscathed if every aspect of his or her life were investigated the way Stewart's ImClone trading was.

If a column is crying out for a good line and I can't come up with it, I troll for help. Communal humor is good, especially if you involve your boss.