Do you want the job done right, or do you want it done fast?

It's the cushiest job, but some lines are so funny that I crack up.

I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is - and it's me.

Marge, old people don't need companionship, they need to be isolated and studied to see what useful nutrients can be obtained from them...

You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.

Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!