Do we have a hand mirror?' I asked from the kitchen doorway.
'Never use one,' said Lester, examining the date on a carton of sour cream.
'Naturally, you're a male. What you see is what you've got,' I said resentfully.
'Huh?' said Lester.

For your information, Lester, there are at least five wonderful parts of the female body that can be viewed by the owner only with a hand mirror.'

And as they stared after me, I went regally back down the hallway and up the stairs to Dad's room.

For your information, Lester, there are at least five wonderful parts of the female body that can be viewed by the owner only with a hand mirror.

The world is full of unrequited love,' I said finally.
'You and Patrick having problems?' Dad said, reaching around to get the butter out of the fridge.
'No, I was just wondering what you would say if I was a lesbian.'
'Come again?' said Lester. 'I'm having a hard time following this conversation.

Sexually active? Sexually active? Patrick and I hadn't even learned the fine points of kissing yet!
I marched on down. 'For your information,' I said from the doorway, as both Dad and Lester jerked to attention, 'I am about as sexually active as a bag of spinach, and if you want to keep me on the porch and not out in the park somewhere behind the bushes, you'll keep the stupid porch light off when I come home with a boy.

… MOM!” Martha finally screamed. “Mom, you’ve got to see these!”

“Is it about Hermione?” She exclaimed, rushing into the middle of the room. Her mouth dropped open in horror when she noticed Hermione’s walls.

“I can’t find any… polite… photos of her, mom.”

“Why are there ones of her eating out of dumpsters and giving seniors the finger?”

“No idea,” Martha replied.

“Oh god… I’ll get one out of my wallet,” Her mom decided, hurrying out of the room frantically.

...It’s funny how when one thing happens, it can make you forget about something else.